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Stag parties: help me

20:56 / 15.06.05

OK. Barbelith, I need your help.

Basically: friend of mine is having a stag party. Cool; he's a fairly old friend and I'd love to go.

It's going to be a long weekend in Barcelona.

Now, I'm not by any means tight, but cashflow isn't exactly... gushing. Essentially, it's going to be £150+ before food, drink, whatever, and it also entails taking two days (either side of weekend) off work - most of which will be spent on transport.

Now, I'm not a spoilsport... but I do think that's a bit far to go to get drunk. It's also a bit short notice given it's less of a stag, more of a brief holiday with friends. Part of me wants to go, but part of me isn't at all keen on the financial and time-off-work side of things.

I've basically erred on the side of "nay"... but convince me otherwise. It's a good friend, for sure - I'd never want to miss such a thing, but it all seems a lot of effort and money when I'm objective about it, and I'm not sure I can afford it.

Help?

paranoidwriter waves hello

21:00 / 15.06.05

How far would I go for a friend's stag do? To the other side of the world, to avoid the bastard. I f**king hate stag do's.

Seriously though, it all depends on HOW good / close a friend he is, no? Deep down, inside, you know what's the right thing to do..... ; )

Tryphena Absent

21:21 / 15.06.05

I'd go. If it's an old friend you'll probably be with a lot of people you haven't seen for a while and it'll give you a chance to hang around with them. And I think Barcelona would be worth it- I mean, it's not Amsterdam, is it?

21:22 / 15.06.05

If you really can't afford it, don't go. All you're missing is a weekend-long piss-up/hangover combo combined with travel problems.

Tell your mate you're strapped for cash. If he really is a good friend, he'll understand.

21:26 / 15.06.05

It's great being a poof. You never get asked to stag parties. They sound like utter Hell.

Actually, recently invited to two but didn't go and have absolutely no regrets. Going to the wedding (and paying for transport, present, hotel room) is quite enough.

Goodness Gracious Meme

22:01 / 15.06.05

I dunno, just been on my first one, much more pleasant than expected. Mind you, it was Ghadis' so I guess it was always going to be a little different.

If you want to go for a bit, how about saying to yr friend that if you can find a cheapy flight, y'll come for an overnight, crash in with someone who's staying, not have to take time off work, but that if you can't, it's really not possible?

Whisky Priestess

22:11 / 15.06.05

How much will you have to spend on going to the wedding (including travel and present etc.?) If it's as or more expensive you might have to make him choose which occasion he'd rather see you at.

Other people's weddings/pre-wedding occasions are fun but expensive. Selfish bastards ...

The Return Of Rothkoid

23:01 / 15.06.05

Mental note: crosses Paleface off stag night invite list.

00:03 / 16.06.05

best stag night i ever went to was in a group of eight of us. we had dinner at a turkish restaurant, one beer between us all (ie seven didn't drink! we didn't share, or anything...) and then off to 'laser zone' where we crawled around in the dark for about three hours shooting each other, then [exhausted, and boy did my thighs ache next day; all that crouching] off to a cafe for coffee cakes and about a midnight finish.

his (now ex's...!!) hen night - where do these terms come from?? - was equally civilised from all accounts. modern couples. sheesh!

barcelona is a hoot, but don't do it if you really can't justify the expense. any friend will understand.

mebbe send him a video to play on the night and take the piss out of all your old mates and tell them they owe you two pints each when they see you for the wedding [you'll find some excuse, sure..]. that'll save you even more...!

ONLY NICE THINGS

00:06 / 16.06.05

Also, there's a possible philosophical objection to turning other people's cities into backdrops for Brits on the piss antics. In general, I'd avoid a stag night anywhere with armed police, or Brighton. Brighton has suffered enough.

00:24 / 16.06.05

Okay. I'm a girl, so I don't know much about the stag side of the equation. But. Quite frequently in the past I have bowed out of events and gatherings because I didn't want to spend a heap of money, wasn't sure I could spare the time, wasn't sure I wanted to spend my time and money on something that I could not guarantee I'd have a fabulous time at. And then the next time the people who went got together, they'd talk about what a great time they'd had, and have all these inside jokes that I was not privy to, because "you had to be there." Made me pretty bitter, since it seemed a bit like they were rubbing it in that I "couldn't" go, when in fact I was the dumbass being too uptight to go and actually have a good time. The result: I'm 27 and have had very few real adventures in the past 10 years, and don't have any "good" stories (as became horribly apparent to me recently at a stagette, whereby we were introducing ourselves by way of embarassing stories, and, surprise surprise, I really couldn't think of one).
The moral of the storey: if you can swing the time and the money, then for chrissakes, GO.

Lilly Nowhere Late

05:27 / 16.06.05

I'm with GGM, try to go on your own terms. Find a cheap flight, go for the time you'd like to be there and can afford and make the best of it. If you can't be there at all, try to find out the details so you can send something along to let the friend know you care. Have a big bottle of something waiting in the hotel room, for example, with a kind note advising that the guys have a drink for you, etc. You could send a stripper, but that would be kind of awful on many levels. Most of all, I would say to make sure your friend understands your situation and doesn't end up affronted at your lack of showing up for his big outing.

06:27 / 16.06.05

There's a real fashion for this sort of long-weekend party instead of the old fashioned night out. They do cost a fortune, so I understand why you're worried, especially if you then get invited to the wedding and all the costs THAT involves.
I think it comes down to a) how much you like this guy and b) whether you actually think you would have fun. What sort of people are going and will it be something you'll enjoy or will it be ... not your sort of fun? If it's going to be miserable for you ( I can't picture you in a strip joint, with a crowd of guys all wearing matching t-shirts, though I may of course be wrong!) or if you'll spend the whole time worrying about money, then yes, make your excuses. He'll understand. Lily's suggestions are good - something to show you are there in spirit.

Regrettable Juvenilia

08:10 / 16.06.05

You could be a stripper, for a few weeks either side of the event, to cover the expense.

lonely as a cloud...

08:27 / 16.06.05

Cailín: I know exactly what you mean. So much so that it's kinda eerie...

08:34 / 16.06.05

Cailin, I see your reasoning about having no fun at all if you always opt to sit at home being sensible, but there must be a happy medium.

Last such event I was invited to involved attending theTomatina festival in Spain. At the wedding there was all the retelling of fabulous stories about the fabulous time they all had, as you mention, but once people got drunker and franker, it became clear that there were only occasional highlights and most of the group had spent most of the time being pissed off with a couple of out-of-control party animals.

If you've spent time planning a thing and a fair bit of money executing the plan, then chances are you'll tell everybody afterwards what a great time everyone had. Only it won't necessarily be true. Plus, in this case, there's the pressure of the upcoming wedding rituals to ensure that everything follows some traditionally blissful path.

There is surely a tradition of stag and hen nights but, up until very recent times, they involved an evening in the pub and a stripper, if you were lucky.

People can have a really good time without having to pretend they're Philip Green. Although, if that's your thing, then go for it. Just don't believe the hype.

08:47 / 16.06.05

I second or third the idea of just going for the weekend. Four days is a bit over the top. Don't worry much about the money though as you'll forget that you spent it soon enough, whereas squandering your annual leave will come back to bite you in the arse when you want to take a holiday later in the year and you're two days short.

You should be able to get a cheap flight if you book early - just go on Sat morning and come back Sun night. One night's accomodation won't cost much and you'll be glad you went. Better to regret something you did etc.

Of course this all comes with the caveat that you should only contemplate going if you're going to enjoy it. If it's a proper cliched event with strip clubs and being an embarrassing tourist then give it a miss.

And if you want to hire a local stripper we all know Lurid will get his kit off for a couple of euros and a pint of lager ...