Lula, thanks for another link. I know it sounds bullshitty, but I'll have to wait a bit till I come round to properly checking 'em, though (and for the self-pitying explanatory side-note, I had what was, in total, a five-hour long English exam today and my mind isn't exactly in the most inspired of states, to go about choosing what to do).
And please, don't get Mozza (the fairest wank-buddy) into the thing, it's not like there's not enough of him in the pseudo-self-aware-yet-maybe-not-quite teen drama that is Just My Own, Dammit!™
Trust me you're not alone. I know this is going to sound patronising but bear with me: there's a scene in 'Wonderland Avenue' where JIm Morrison dumps a case loads of classic books on a desk before the (then) teenage narrator, and says that he won't speak to him again until he's read them all. Or course Mr Mojo Rising was an arrogant bastard, but I wish someone I admired had done that to me when I was sixteen; it would have saved me a lot of time later on in life and introduced me to some of the best "friends" anybody can have.
When things aren't going so well, I remind myself how it will all probably feel much different in a year's time looking back. i.e. think back a year to a similarly distressing major / minor problem. A lot can happen in a year, no?
Sorry. But. What?
The Interweb provides a distraction and not much of an actual solution, ahah, and, hum, books? I read.
There's not this whole "ooh my school's like the suxzor???!" thing going on. I mean, there is, but quite literally: incompetent teachers, badly thought out programmes, even irrelevant subjects (Computer Class? How old are we, for fuck's sake? Yes, obligatory. Yes, bollocking Word and Powerpoint classes. Ooh ta love! I was here all, like, Humanity - the name sounds so utterly dramatic when translated! Go us! - students don't fare well in Portugal, really, but now I know Excel formulae and how to create a fucking folder! Oh kiss me you shrieky paranoid midget yoooou! Rantoff).
So. If you're picturing a revolted student turning away from the scholarly as a way of saying that, y'know, it's all so empty (God knows it's what you've left in my mind), hum, well, no, not quite that dramatically teeny.
And for the useless update, I reckon, from most of the wordies around, that I'll keep the trip for the first year of college, as makes a bunch more sense than my sexy flights of fancy, I'll admit.
Might for now just change to some other school nearby. For a new number of subpar teachers and with some luck, even less interesting people!
...And heaven knows... I'll be miserable then...
Will again thank you all as it's about time I start setting down some sort of plan for the near (or not so near) future, or.
Well, there's a bit of a recurrent thing around here (as in, this town) where you're either a bit of a wanker (no, not the Mozza-type, the other, healthier one) or end up rather pointlessly wandering nearby. Frighteningly recurrent.
There's this sort of general incapability to do something. We're train stations away from the capital and yet there's this tendency to just drift along stupidly. *It's in the seabreeze*.
Hence the hesitation as to the "let time pass" thing. It has, for me and for the ones around me, and it hasn't turned out that nicely.
Hence me making with the plan-good-be! thing, hence me asking, hence me ranting, hence me, again, thanking you all for the info so far, hence me stopping the rantiness.  |
