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Underground > Creation >

Beast and I

  
 
agvvv
23:43 / 01.05.05
I

I was somewhere in the desert. Where I did not know. There was a wind(though not fierce), and quite possibly a tree.
I was looking for water. Heading west for three days(with no results whatsoever), I was getting anxious. And thats when I noticed. A little down the road, something, or someone, was looking at me. Meeting no one for three days, my initial response was joy.

Then not so much. Slightly closer, the creature looked very unhuman. Drawing even closer I realised that it was, indeed, a beast. It was a small beast, but a beast nontheless. There were no eyes, only holes. Hands for feet, feet for hands. It was fluffy, the exterior of a teddybear. There were no ears, and sharp teeth.
Brownish in colour. Then, quite suddenly, it spoke.

Beast: (disfigured yet childlike voice) Hello there
I: (nervous) Hi
Beast: I will show you my home
I: ..

We headed east.
 
 
agvvv
12:35 / 02.05.05
II

Somewhere around noon, it spoke again.

Beast: Im getting older
I: Oh, ok
Beast: I used to be much brighter you know, in colour.
I: I see
Beast: Almost yellow

We walked for what felt like days. Still no sign of water. Still no rain. The beast seemed old indeed. Despite its
small size and fluffy exterior. I had no clue regarding its intenions. It seemed nice enough, but still.. A beast.
And what about my own intentions? Why was I following this thing? Fear I guess. Whose to say it wouldnt jump my
throat(in all its fluffy splendour)the very moment I turned away? Whose to say it didnt feast of blood?
 
 
Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER
14:22 / 02.05.05
Interesting... reads something like a cross between a script and an actual stream-of-consciousness story. You might want to correct the grammar errors, though (wouldn't, didn't, who's). I very much like the elliptical dialogue and the "perhaps a tree" line, and I'd be really interested to see where this is going.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
17:14 / 02.05.05
Mr S, it's not totally clear whether you'd like to be ( to the extent that anyone's ever influenced by anyone, y'know, and so forth, etc ) HP Lovecraft or Douglas Adams.

I'd be inclined to cut back on the whimsical asides though, were I you - It seems like 21st century typical reader is more of a drag than the late 90's version, insofar as all anyone looks to want these days is 'good stories well-told,' and all those frankly rather tiring bourgeouis notions.

Jon Q Public, let's face it, currently sits there in the sewer eating his own excrement with a side-order of fries, while watching the Eurovision song contest. And what's more, he's happy.

As unpleasant as it is, Mr S, if you're ever going to get that stylish boat off-shore in Thailand, you're going to have to reach out your pale artistic hand to... Well, to people who sell insurance, cars, and such like.

Who only read one book a year on the plane on the way to the latest Carribean wife-swapping fiasco - If you impress those guys once, if you deliver thrills-wise, they're almost certainly bound to come back again next summer. However much one, as a novelist, finds those characters a tad 'jejeune.'

Do that a couple of times and you'll be able to meditate at length from your island retreat as to the general awfulness of the world and everything in it, and basically get paid handsomely for doing so, dammnit.

It's really the only way to travel, if you can get away with it.

Good luck !
 
 
agvvv
17:44 / 02.05.05
Mr S, it's not totally clear whether you'd like to be ( to the extent that anyone's ever influenced by anyone, y'know, and so forth, etc ) HP Lovecraft or Douglas Adams.

Now, you really hit the spot on that one Alex. Thats actually as true as it gets.

I'd be inclined to cut back on the whimsical asides though, were I you

Any handy tips on achieving this? Dont you think these two elements go togheter at all? Would you care to point out the whimsical asides due for extermination?

Jon Q Public, let's face it, currently sits there in the sewer eating his own excrement with a side-order of fries, while watching the Eurovision song contest. And what's more, he's happy.

As unpleasant as it is, Mr S, if you're ever going to get that stylish boat off-shore in Thailand, you're going to have to reach out your pale artistic hand to... Well, to people who sell insurance, cars, and such like.

Actually Im not writing for Jon Q Public at the moment, Im just trying to locate my style etc all that. Havent actually written much in years, being too caught up in thinking about it. But I value your advice, and Im sure its all true. Its just that its not my reality at the moment.
 
 
Withiel: DALI'S ROTTWEILER
19:00 / 02.05.05
Mr S, it's not totally clear whether you'd like to be ( to the extent that anyone's ever influenced by anyone, y'know, and so forth, etc ) HP Lovecraft or Douglas Adams.

I'm probably the worst person to offer advice on this (given how I write), but I quite like the juxtaposition of whimsical asides and the creepiness of the beast, especially the repetition of the word itself... And surely as it's not too clear what the target is, it doesn't necessarily have to be directed at Evil Joe Fuckface Sportsbar, does it? Depending on the intent, the idea of a Lovecraftian narrator desparately trying to persuade himself he's in a D.N.A. story could be really brilliant.
 
 
Alex's Grandma
19:33 / 02.05.05
Mr S;

Jon Q Public, and his notional thoughts, are best ignored really. It's no fun writing anything if you're playing to a crowd, and especially not if you aren't all that enamoured in the first place.

For what it's worth, I think it's easier ( easier because it's more the thing to do, in a Platonic sense, ) to write a horror novel with comic asides, rather than the other way round - I've just finished King Rat by China Meiville, which is in many ways a quite absurd book, but he just about gets away with it because of the accumulation of detail, every observation is pretty much clustered with background info, as it were - the guy's taken the time to put the world his characters live in together, he's foresworn cheap thrills until a bit later on, when he has his ducks in a row. All of which is by way of saying, Mr S, that what seems like bland exposition isn't necessarily like that.

So, possibly incorrectly, I'm arguing for more scene-setting description in the above, chief.
 
 
agvvv
00:40 / 04.05.05
Some changes plus some more. I added a "chapter" before the actual desert wandering. Thoughts?


I

The night before there had been little or no sleep.
The place was tidy, no doubt about it,
but something was surely wrong.
Earlier in the morning there had been strange noises about,
leaving far too much to the imagination. Strange sounds emerged from closets and bedrooms alike.

Late breakfast, eggs, no bread. Im all out of bread.
I left the house early, heading for the cornershop.
The hag seemed older. Over night. I paid my pack of Luckies and got out. Lit a smoke. Ive had this
lighter for ages. Zippo. Its green, with an inscription on both sides: "Harry's bar and grill".
Ugly really. I headed back home.

I cleaned my place the other day. Cleaned it good. Took me hours. Its not a big place, just too much stuff.
Still, I didnt throw any of it away. I found things I havent seen in ages,
old magazines, books. I flipped through some of them. One article entitled: "Lost Kitty - The misconception
of Atlantis". Made me sleepy.

II

I was somewhere in the desert. Where I did not know. There was a wind (though not fierce), and quite possibly a tree.
I was looking for water. Heading west for three days (with no results whatsoever), I was getting anxious.
And thats when I noticed. A little down the road, something (or someone) was looking at me.
Meeting no one for three days, my initial response was joy.

Then not so much. Slightly closer,
the creature looked very "unhuman".
Drawing even closer I realised that it was, indeed, a beast. It was a small beast, but a beast nontheless.
There were no eyes, only holes. Hands for feet, feet for hands. It was fluffy, the exterior of a teddybear.
There were no ears, and sharp teeth. Brownish in colour. Then, quite suddenly, it spoke.

Beast: (disfigured yet childlike voice) Hello there
I: (nervous) Hi
Beast: I will show you my home
I: ..

We headed east.

III

Somewhere around noon, it spoke again.

Beast: Im getting older
I: Oh, ok
Beast: I used to be much brighter you know, in colour.
I: I see
Beast: Almost yellow

We walked for what felt like days. Still no sign of water. Still no rain. The beast seemed old indeed. Despite its
small size and fluffy exterior. I had no clue regarding its intenions. It seemed nice enough, but still.. A beast.

IV

I didnt believe him anymore. Finaly I managed. He seemed calm

I: Where are we going?
Beast: Home
I: ..
Beast: Dont worry, its not far
 
  
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