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The Barbelith Top Tips Thread.

Olulabelle

02:03 / 30.04.05

Number One If you have young children and you need to leave the bathroom whilst they're in the bath, ask them to sing to you. That way you can answer the phone or go and get a towel, all the while knowing they're ok and not drowned because you can still hear them.

You can drown in three inches of water, you know.

Mourne Kransky

09:16 / 30.04.05

Particularly if you are less than three inches tall.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:48 / 30.04.05

You can paint candles with water-based paints. Simply mix a little washing-up liquid in with the water and the paint should stick.

Whisky Priestess

11:35 / 30.04.05

Chocolate milk and Quavers make the ideal hangover cure.

Ganesh

11:41 / 30.04.05

Cat owners: for a little enjoyable but essentially harmless psychological sadism, try humming loudly when your pet's nearby.

Smoothly

11:51 / 30.04.05

Dog owners: Sitting your pet upright and squeezing hir front legs just above the elbow will induce a passable Tommy Cooper impression.

Waltzing Ganainm

12:44 / 30.04.05

Hate weeding, have small children? Pay them a penny per dandelion - they get fresh air, licence to pick all the flowers they want, pocket money and you get an hour of peace and quiet.

(My parents were fleeced for three pounds yesterday after suggesting it to my daughters)

Kevin Marks

05:17 / 01.05.05

Frying bacon using an outdoor gas barbecue saves you from grease splashes all over the kitchen.

Smoothly

11:44 / 01.05.05

A large yoghurt pot, painted red, makes a serviceable fez for dogs.

Mourne Kransky

12:03 / 01.05.05

When unwrapping chocolate bars, don't just thoughtlessly crumple up the silver foil.

If you take just a few moments to flatten it against a tabletop with the back of your thumb, silver foil sheet can be added to a collection of similar and, once you have accumulated a couple of dozen, very handy for wrapping round a small game bird in the oven, to preserve juices etc.

imaginary mice

17:38 / 01.05.05

Horse owners: It's easier to remove horse hair from your clothes if your hands are wet.

Vegans / Vegetarians: Don't read the message above this one.

Liger Null

19:49 / 01.05.05

You could wrap the foil around a potato...

ibis the being

20:45 / 01.05.05

You can also wrap a bit of the foil (or gum or cigarette foil paper) around the end of a match, then light it with another match and it zooms off like a tiny bottle rocket.

Benny the Ball

21:03 / 01.05.05

Rubbing the concave base of a coke can with chocolate before wiping clean with a rag leaves an extremely bright surface which reflects/focusses sunlight very well and can allow you to start a fire if you find yourself stranded with a canned fizzy drink and a bar of choclate and a rag and some sunlight and about two hours to spare.

Brown sauce serves as a great metal polish.

Hair conditioner works as shaving lotion if you've run out and need a shave.

imaginary mice

21:51 / 01.05.05

You can also wrap a bit of the foil (or gum or cigarette foil paper) around the end of a match, then light it with another match and it zooms off like a tiny bottle rocket.

But what if the rocket hits your pet?

Okay, I'll shut up now...

paranoidwriter waves hello

22:07 / 01.05.05

To remove lipstick marks from cotton (e.g) shirts: rub the mark thoroughly with a decent amount Vaseline, then put the shirt into a washing machine (alone), and wash and dry normally. Hey presto! No more lipstick.

(Disclaimer: the above tip does not work on oily consciences)

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:53 / 01.05.05

The foil they used to have on the old-style KitKats was apparently (according to various friends of mine from whom I had different taste in chemicals) the best to chase smack from.
According to at least one of them, this is why they changed the wrapping. (Having said that, he thought MY conspiracy theory about Special Brew being shit these days because the EU won't allow them to put the chemicals in which are designed to kill the homeless was bollocks, and I think he may have had a point, so we must forever agree to differ.)

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