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No, really, this time I AM going pro, honest.

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Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:53 / 13.04.05

Right, I'm in the throes of setting up shop on eBay as a professional tarot reader. I've done a certain amount of market research, looking at what other tarot readers are offering, what they're charging and the sort of responses they get.

I'll be offering a Celtic cross spread, plus any channelled messages/psychic impressions I pick up, at a starting bid of £10 (hoping for more eventually but that seems like a fair place to start).

What I'd like to know from you is: Say you went in for this, right--what would you expect? What sort of information would you be looking for? How much info? 500 words? 1000?

What kind of things would piss you off and make you give bad feedback?

We're The Great Old Ones Now

10:47 / 13.04.05

People always do this thing of getting a reader/healer to look at their mates, often to 'make sure they're okay'. Benevolent or not, it's a kind of intrusion, and it always makes me crazy when people do it to me. My pains and my sicknesses, my inner struggles are mine, and I'll share them when I feel like it.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

11:24 / 13.04.05

Oh yeah. Ick squick. I mean, if someone's asked for help that's one thing, or if you get a quiet tap on the shoulder that says "so-and-so could do with a bit of a boost--go and have a word" then offering help is reasonable. Otherwise, butt out.

11:31 / 13.04.05

If I had one of those done I'd want it in down to Earth language and free of mumbo-jumbo. Mars may well be retrograde in Aries, but how exactly does that translate to me getting money/sex/a general feeling of wellbeing?

11:32 / 13.04.05

I know that's all horoscope stuff there but you see what I mean.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

11:35 / 13.04.05

Completely. I mean, if you're just going to spew jargon at people which they will then need to go away and look up, what exactly do they need you for? Why not just get their own damn tarot?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

19:52 / 13.04.05

('K, so here's my ad copy. It's based on the kind of thing I've seen other people use on eBay, hence the fluffy pink new-age bunnyness.)

---------------------------------------------------

I have been reading the Tarot since the age of twelve. Over the years, I have evolved my own method combining Tarot, channelling and psychic impressions. This eclectic, holistic style gives me access to a unique picture of a person's situation, which I can then use to advise them on problems and promote success in all aspects of life.

You may choose either a general reading or a reading to ask about a specific question.

When I recieve confirmation of your purchase, I will perform a full Celtic Cross reading. I will email you the results. The information you recieve will be derived from the meaning of the cards themselves, psychic impressions I pick up during the reading and messages channelled from my guides.

---------------------------------------------------------

I'm thinking of putting up different types of ad. The fluffbunny one you've just seen, of course, but maybe I should do one aimed at the post-pop-culture-techno-urban-cyber-kaos market just to cover all my bases.

20:02 / 13.04.05

You've misspelt "receive". I know that's not the kind of advice you're after, but anyway...

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:06 / 13.04.05

I did that on PURPOSE! It's obligatory! Also, you've got to imagine the whole thing in green font, centred, and ALL CAPS.

It's a union thing.

(Actually, I like that kind of advice.)

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:19 / 13.04.05

Also, I think I need some high-contrast, soft-focus photos of myself wearing a shiny white dress and an expression of Otherwordliness. (My-Little-Ponyesque fake unicorns in background optional.)

20:23 / 13.04.05

Some Gothic font, perhaps? Or something waftily italic?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:25 / 13.04.05

Wafty Italic. Not even Gothic. I don't think the average eBay psychic reads that far down the font list.

21:45 / 13.04.05

Now, I'm not really the sort of person who's in your target audience, but just in case there's someone like me who is... I'd say it would be important to emphasise that the reading was specifically for that person. Definitive statements as much as possible - it doesn't matter if they don't turn out to be right, that's part of the risk. What annoys me is when I think I'm being given flannel that could have been generated for anyone.

If I were to pay for a reading I'd like to feel that as much attention as possible was being paid in interpreting it in terms of me. You see what I mean? I'm sure you do this and there would be no flannel involved, but personalising would be something I'd look for, mentions of things in terms of how they related to details I'd already given you and so on.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:53 / 13.04.05

I'm sensing that you're an intelligent person, Mr. Magnet. Intelligent, yet undervalued. Do you feel that your innate drive for fairness--for justice--has sometimes impeded your career progress? I thought so. I feel that you are a sensitve person, yet... determined when it comes to important issues. I'm also seeing an early loss... your grandmother--NO! grandfather!--NO! neighbour!--NO! a cat... no, wait, maybe it's a dog... or a goldfish. I'm sensing that this loss made a great impact upon you at the time--but your innate strength has seen you through.

That'll be twenty quid, ta.

rising and revolving

23:32 / 13.04.05

Samples. I'd want to see samples. Or at least a sample.

Which is kind of tricky, because you need to do a reading for someone that is both specific and something they're happy to have you using as a sample. But it would certainly help the people know what they're getting for their dosh.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

23:40 / 13.04.05

Fridge has a very good point... anything that LOOKS like a form letter may as well say "congratulations Mr Stoatie! You've just won a monkey!!!" I guess it's hard to make shit TOO personal when it's people you've never met in person, but...

also: from a purely marketing perspective, yes. Do a bunch of ads in different styles. There's a godzillion and one fey swirly Tarot readers online, and a fair few smackinverMAAAFFF! Chaotes, too. No matter that many of these are chancers and fakers, the client isn't gonna know that straight off. Not really sure the best way you should pitch yourself, so yes, a bunch. All different.

And good luck! Seems like a worthwhile endeavour to me.

01:21 / 14.04.05

Too obvious to see: If I were to pay for a reading I'd like to feel that as much attention as possible was being paid in interpreting it in terms of me.

MC, use this sentence verbatim in your come-on. In fact, consider making it the first sentence.

08:03 / 14.04.05

I agree on the personal aspect. And this may be a stupid question since I don't know how you get the psychic info off a person in a face-to-face reading, but how is it possible to do a reading for someone without a single piece of personal information? Do you ask them for any info before you do the reading?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

08:11 / 14.04.05

I'll at least ask for a name and a brief description of the problem or situation. That should be enough to go on.

09:05 / 14.04.05

Given that you can't make assumptions about age on the Internet, claiming that you started reading cards since age twelve could place you as a well read precocious thirteen year old.

"congratulations Mr Stoatie! You've just won a monkey!!!"

That would be amazing! I'd love to win a monkey.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

09:48 / 14.04.05

Hmm... that's true. Maybe I should just say "many years." Mind you, I've seen high school students claim to have been reading cards/practicing Wicca/ect for "many years" too...

11:02 / 14.04.05

What degree of follow up and clarification will you be offering Mordant? If they don't get it? I've found when I've done readings for people it sometimes has taken a bit of fudging around talking over issues for clarification.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:39 / 14.04.05

I'd love to win a monkey.

In retrospect, I can't really see a downside to finding that in my inbox.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:06 / 14.04.05

What degree of follow up and clarification will you be offering?

I'll try to be as thorough and careful as I can in my initial readings. Punters can email me with questions afterwards, I guess; there are often areas that need a little clarification, not to mention the whole "Death? I got DEATH? WAHHHH!" issue when reading for someone who's new at all this.

12:32 / 14.04.05

Maybe I should just say "many years."

Screw "many" -- be specific. 15 years? That's impressive.

If you really want to be impressive, don't just have been reading the cards. Spend 15 years studying the tarot. Or maybe researching.

You might also want to describe yourself as "international." Which is literally true....

I think the trick to the internet come-on is to appear as professional as possible, and as approachable as possible. So use plain language when you can, but impressive words.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

12:54 / 14.04.05

19 years, aksherly.

Fuck, now I'm impressed.

13:09 / 14.04.05

What about including a photo of the cards? Or would you do that anyway?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

13:12 / 14.04.05

Hey, not a bad idea, man. Decorate a nice black silk cloth with suitable doodles, bung a few candles around the place, lay out the spread, snap a piccy. Makes it all more real.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

13:19 / 14.04.05

Not happy with that word "purchase," incidentally. Maybe I should use something less capitalistic, like "contribution."

Or "Tribute." I am A Great and Mighty Cartomancer and I Demand Tribute!

13:24 / 14.04.05

"Cross my palm with PayPal"?

Less searchable M0rd4nt

13:29 / 14.04.05

Heh! I might use that.

14:06 / 14.04.05

You also need pix of celebrities who you've done readings for, like the fortune tellers on the seafront at Blackpool. Preferable stars are Harry Secomb, either of the Two Ronnies (both would be good) and Isla St Clair.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

14:07 / 14.04.05

I was going to say Bernie Clifton.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

14:09 / 14.04.05

But steer clear of the Krankies. You SO don't wanna know what the cards say about THEM...

14:10 / 14.04.05

No. Don't fandabbledozi in the dark side.

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