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i've always known when i was a small child that i don't really have a specific animal/angel/guarding spirit (Now i'm not so sure) because i was raised Christian & i just never felt any spirits around me.
That was actually confirmed by a psychic i saw when i was 20. i went with 2 friends, we were waiting for a movie to start. So we went to a psychic at a mall...
My friend went first. The psychic told her that she had a Chinese mandarin as her guardian. Possibly an ancestor. i thought the psychic was making shit up.
Then it was my turn. She read my palm, laughed & said that i have GOT TO forget all my past lives. O_o (i have lods of deep lines... means i think too much, or i haven't released my past selves' memories etc...)
So then i was gonna be like, all dismissive if she said anything about a guardian spirit around me. She said nothing about it.
Then my inquisitive friend asked the her, "Does Johannes have a guardian angel?" The psychic looked at me, then said, "No. He connects directly to the source of the universe, the Origin. He doesn't need a mediator."
i was quite impressed. i KNEW i had a personal connection to God (whatever you want to call God... sometimes the simplicity of Christianity's FAITH-based theory works, just like that). And at that time, i had silver-blue hair, & i wasn't wearing crucifixes of any sort (basically i didn't look very "Christian")
Anyway, i just turned 29 last month (although i only feel like i'm 26) & i had a dream, where i think i met a guardian spirit.
In my dream, my incensed mother came into my room, & screamed at me about leaving the kettle on to boil, then she pressed the HOT kettle onto my skin. i felt no burn, but i was obviously very alarmed & pissed off. (NB: mother is a very gentle soul, although she can become an annoying & anal Virgo sometimes..)
Obviously, i believe i had issues to work out with my mom, most possibly because i feel that she's hurt me with some insensitive comments about my direction in life. And in my dream, i was furious that she would do something so blatantly violent & hurtful (to her own son) so i began smashing everyhting in sight. i would never hurt a fly in reality, but my mom's violent un-mom-like actions made me realize that it was a dream, so i was lucid.
Figured, oh well, i wouldn't do any real damage to anything in here, might as well embrace the rage & have fun. i picked up this... uh.. log? and went out into the living room & smashed everything out there. Dream mom looked completely unimpressed or affected by my destructive retaliation.
i smashed the TV, plants, vases, & was going for the two pianos (only ONE piano at home in reality), but then i thought i couldn't really do any damage... so i lunged at my mom.
My conscience nudged. Even though i knew it was a dream, i thought it was very... wicked of me to bash my (dream) mom with a freakin log. So i threw down my log, & took a deep breath. My dream mom laughed.
Then she morphed into this naked WHITE GUY. With a hairy chest & an unshaven face, goatie, moustache, messy hair. He's laughing. i step up towards him. i found him quite sexually attractive, & he embraced me & we kissed.
He said something like, "You know, I love you, & you love me, but i can't blabblablah until you blahblablah!"
i immediately knew that it was no dream anymore. My dreams are in technicolour surround-sound. Suddenly it was staticky & i couldn't hear this person clearly. i was tuned in but not completely.
Psynapses fire & i'm thinking, "Is this a mom issue? Is this a DAD issue?" and i ask the sexy naked man, "Are you GOd?" He chuckled & embraced/kissed me again. i enjoy our embrace, it felt very real & physical. But my guard is up, & i ask him, "Are you a demon?" with a very serious face.
He laughs. i ask him to REPEAT what he said, coz i couldn't hear it properly. And he repeats, "I love you, & you love me, but i can't ____ until you ____." i'm like, DAMMIT, i still can't hear you clearly. i feel everything fade & slip away.
i try to anchor onto that reality, & then it was all gone. i fly around to find him (i realize that it was my astral body then) but then i woke up shortly afterwards, completely calm. With no anger towards my mother. Resolved.
But i wondered if that was a guardian angel?
a past lover?
Phoned my manager & a friend about it. They are stumped.
Any thoughts from enlightened souls on here? |
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