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I never in a million years thought that I would...

14:38 / 05.04.05

...smash up a hash farm with a sledgehammer. 600W bulbs, pumps, seed trays, water tanks, generators: everything that could possibly be associated with a hash farm I trashed between the hours of 10am and 2pm today. I know nothing about this kinda stuff, but I estimate I destroyed about £10k or more in one fell swoop.

What did you do that you never thought you'd do in a million years?

14:59 / 05.04.05

Jesus Seth, WHY?

15:03 / 05.04.05

I was in a bad mood. Sometimes I kill people just by looking at them. x

15:13 / 05.04.05

No, seriously Seth - WHY!?

15:20 / 05.04.05

I'm writing a book in which the main character does it to prove his worth to Eris in order to strike a bargain so that she lays waste to his enemies. I felt that I couldn't write that particular chapter without first-hand experience, it just wouldn't ring true.

I got the idea from the Temple forum.

15:43 / 05.04.05

fair enough.

aren't you going to get in a wee bit of trouble with whoever owned all thsoe plants though?

15:45 / 05.04.05

Well, it *was* all in a secured government drug-war facility, so that's just one more reason why The Man wants him dead.

Surprised to see him bragging about it online, though.

16:41 / 05.04.05

I never in a million years thought I would sell an article to Better Homes & Gardens.

To date I've sold them three, and they've asked me for more.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:35 / 05.04.05

I never in a million years thought I'd be frightened of Seth. And now I am.

22:43 / 05.04.05

I never in a million years thought I'd have my photo on a gay website. But I do.

22:53 / 05.04.05

If you don't mind me asking JF, which aspects of the contemporary Home/Garden scene are you covering at the moment ? I'm guessing alarm systems, fencing, pest control and so on ( 'not all vermin have eight, six or even four legs... some of 'em get by with two... that's where I come in... ' ) but it could well be I'm being totally uncharitable, with regard to your nurturing side.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

00:00 / 06.04.05

Seth: Was this, like, an actual functioning hash farm? Or was it more like you wanted the experience of trashing a hash farm, so you trashed some lights and then some seed and then... you see where I'm going with this, you strange little boy? Maybe you don't.

Anyway. Signed the Official Secrets Act. We're going back aways here, understand. And I was really disappointed; the Official Secrets Act was nowhere near as impressive as I'd hoped. Certainly it was way less flashy that the security document I had to sign when I worked for Guinness that one time.

I s'pose that makes two things, really.

06:08 / 06.04.05

I once helped bring down someone elses house without asking for permission.

We used sledgehammers.

15:14 / 06.04.05

Honestly:

I never thought I'd wind up standing in a communist government office halfway around the world, ready to hand over a package full of $3,000 in clean bills. The "clean" part was, believe it or not, rather important.

Jack Fear: What for you not tell me? That mag is always a good read!

16:03 / 06.04.05

The real reason:

I've just joined on as Police civilian staff taking 999 calls (that's 911 for the Americans). As part of my training I've been sent on attachment to a Police station over the other side of my home town.

Yesterday I was asked to wear my scruffies instead of uniform, and told to spend the day working on destructions in the property office. As it turned out I spent the day destroying a hash farm that had been seized in a drugs bust, as well as other fun things like playing with huge knives and knuckledusters.

I decided to see it as fun simply because I didn't have an option as to whether to destroy it or not. As with Customs and Excise, it's policy to destroy all drug paraphernalia: there were no hopes that it could be relocated to a University botany department or find a new use. If I didn't do it in protest then it'd fall to the elderly lady who runs the property office, and I wasn't up for being the newbie who pissed off about fifty to sixty officers and staff.

I'm considering contacting the relevant people in overall charge of the county constabulary to suggest a change in future policy. In the meantime, stuff got broke. Big time.

16:32 / 06.04.05

He's the mole! It's Seth! Seth's the mole!

17:11 / 06.04.05

Way to bring down the System from inside, bro.

15:11 / 08.04.05

hmm, not sure i entirely approve of your smashing time Seth but congrats on the job - i used to take 999 calls* and it was a happy phase of my life, work-wise.

* But i answered them before they were put thro' to the police or whoever, so no one accuse me of being a cop.

Scrambled Password Bogus Email

16:32 / 08.04.05

Sticking with this whole 'ello 'ello 'ello theme, I never ina million years thought...

...I'd ever be a suspect in a murder investigation. But I was.

Wasn't me though, your honour. And they believed me....MWAHAHAHAhahahahaha...

Seriously though, had to give a swab for genetic fingerprinting, and sign a box to say I did not wish for them to keep my genetic code in their database so that they could, ahem "Eliminate me with ease in any future investigations"...Yeah, see, I don;t actually plan for this to be a recurring feature of my working day if that's OK?

Do they really have to destroy it and all trace of it in the database? How can you *really* know that they have?

Best part of this unusual event was the look on the faces of the lads who work next door when burly DCI Plod shows me his ID at the front door, asks to come in and states it's because he's "Investigating a murder". I've never seen so many ears prick up and eyes dart sharply since watching Watership Down.

16:50 / 08.04.05

Oh, Money$hot! I was a fingered as a alibi in a murder investigation, but not long enough for anything to become of it as I set the police right about it. I met the couple briefly in the hallway of my hotel room and they said they had spent the night with me.

Not.