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Overwhelming Blech.

  
 
vovinoiad
17:51 / 25.03.05
Wasn't sure whether to post this in Conversation or here, so, apologies if I aimed wrong.

First: Quick Intro:

Name: Joshua Hardee
Age: 32

Greater details scattered all over the place, the biggest clumps are Here,
here, and
here.

Lately, I've been feeling this overwhelming slump. I've spent maybe the past ten-odd yeas reading all over the map and, frankly, I admit I'm an "armchair magician". No, that's a lie. I'm not even an armchair magician. I just read a lot.

Lately, I've been considering actually acting. But...honestly...I'm getting kind of up there, so, Iguess what I'm trying to say is, "What's the point of it all?"

I really am not trying to sound flip, but, that's the best way I can put it. The degree of apathy and general grey blah I'm feeling right now is really overwhelming me.

Right now, things do NOT look good here in my home country. Actually, they look BAD. And when I look back at all the practicing practitioners I know who have been trying to improve it, I'm forced to ask them and myself "What's it all really accomplished?"

I'm really not trying to sound so bitter and pessimistic, but ultimately, that's what's stuck in my head right now.

Can anyone offer any advice/help/commentary?

Thank you for your time.
 
 
jorjun
18:18 / 25.03.05
When you are feeling bad you could practice a divination of some kind. At least it has worked for me in the past.

You have posted the question in this sacred temple, so maybe you need more than a drink of water :-) although a glass of water has a lot to recommend it.


That's me out, you caught me here on a rare visit. So please just accept this response in the spirit of synchronicity. Whoever you are.
 
 
gale
20:29 / 25.03.05
Hello,
First, I have to direct you to the Magic...is it worth it? Thread.

I think if you feel like you've read enough and want to act, then act! In your reading has there been anything you have felt particuarly drawn to? In terms of traditions, practices, etc. If yes, definitely give it a try, but don't think only in terms of accomplishing anything. Because magic, in itself, IS worth it.

And the what the world needs now is more magicians!

Good luck.
 
 
Z. deScathach
07:32 / 26.03.05
Right now, things do NOT look good here in my home country. Actually, they look BAD. And when I look back at all the practicing practitioners I know who have been trying to improve it, I'm forced to ask them and myself "What's it all really accomplished?"

Think about it. In order for actual transformation to occur, given that magick actually works and that we can accomplish real change through the use of will and mind, it will take not only a large number of people practicing such arts, but also getting on the same page in terms of general intent in order to bring about a major transformation. Right now you have a group of people praying fervently for apocalypse, another group for utopia, and still others for personal items. So if you actually get up from the armchair and start practicing, you are helping the situation in a little way, as we all are. In the sense of magickal practice as it relates to large groups of people, we are all learning as we go along. More people are practicing it than ever before, and information that used to be kept secret is now readily available. The effects may not be noticeable to you, but they may still be there. Personally, I believe that eventually we will get on the same page, but it may take awhile, and we may also need to develop talents at a level that they are not presently at. When you develop yours you are only improving the situation.
 
 
Joetheneophyte
08:13 / 26.03.05
I to am pretty much an armchair magician....in fact I have called myself that on these very boards only recently.

I suspect that whilst there is a huge amount of combined will aimed at the ills of your country, there are egregores and entities galore that the various political groups and vested interests of those in power and benefitting, couteracting this good work

For example, many people on here aimed sigils and workings at getting Bush 0out of the White House.....yet a few thousand magicians on here were fighting the prayer power of literally millions of Americans in the mid (bible belt) states of the US. Their prayers were just bigger and more powerful than ours. People lambast these Christians but they have genuine power in their congregations and whilst not ritual workings, the prayer power they amass must be quite staggering




For me Magick has worked on small items that I have had little emotional response to

my most 'wonderful' acts:

temporarily cured a colleagues constipation (I have since referred her to her doctor, something I wanted her to do from the get go in case there was something seriously wrong with her)Once she wsa bunged up again, I insisted she go to the doctor and get checked out

I stopped myself gambling for a month (a recurring problem of mine) by making an offering to the spirit of gambling and asking for hir help. For one whole month after years of varying degrees of gambling, I never had the urge at all. Pretty good by my standards yet since then I have found that Gamblers Anonymous has helped considerably and I do feel like I am on the mend. Whose to say that some of my magickal interventions haven't led me to GA? Maybe this was the intervention that was needed to prevent me from further losses. Whatever, for only the second time in ten years, I feel I am in control of my gambling and I actually feel quite positive about this one avenue of my life.

So yeah.....I do feel that magick is worth it. Like you, I do procrastinate an awful lot. Work on the small stuff and then if you get results that you are after, then you will be emboldened (or embiggened to use a word from the Simpsons!) to try bigger goals. Personally magick has had less of an impact than I imagined. I was expecting miraculous results and the flash bang theatrics of hollywood. In reality, my experiences (and that is all I can comment upon) have been more like they have sneaked up on me...............
Suddenly I would realise that I hadn't put a pound in a slot machine for over a week and thought 'that was strange'

the most I ever had of an all out shock was a real minor working and something I used as a proof of the efficacy of magick
I cast a sigil to see two cats shagging and another to see the original Captain Birdseye advertisement, that hadn't been on the screens for years. These were purely to prove to myself that magick worked and I gave myself a timescale of a month before I could put these two unlikely acts down to coincedence. Because they were emotionally un-important to me, I soon fogot about them and presumably this is why the sigils were more ffective than some of my bigger requests

I never saw two actual cats having sex but I did turn the TV over just in time to see a programme about feral cats in Rome and just as I turned over two of them were busy making kittens
(I chose cats as I often see dogs humping in the street but cats are more private and to my memory, I have never seen cats actually getting down to it)

I also saw the Captain Birdseye ad in the same timescale

both of these were minor workings and little more than provers that magick worked but I was still blown away by them. Bigger things I have asked for have not been forthcoming, probably because they were more emotionally charged and never far from my consciousness (sp?)

In summary (sorry to go on) I do think that you have nothing to lose by dabbling with a few sigils. Ask for small things to begin with and as your confidence grows you can strive for bigger things. Even if only the small matters change, you should hopefully be better off and your increased confidence and better mindset will make you a better and more useful member of society and this might give you the energy to divest your talents in altruistic causes

Good Luck....what have you got to lose? (though in ritualistic work possbily your sanity from how depressed you sound, maybe even this would be worth the effort)
 
 
Seth
09:42 / 26.03.05
Lately, I've been considering actually acting. But...honestly...I'm getting kind of up there, so, Iguess what I'm trying to say is, "What's the point of it all?"

That's a really, really good question. What do you think is the point of it all?

Only you can answer that. It would be cruel to attempt to answer it for you: I wouldn't want to rob you of the pain, confusion, blind alleys, eureka moments, flashes of joy and insight you'll experience trying to find decent questions and answers. Your questions and answers may change over time.

So yeah, I'm really interested in reading your answer to your own question and how that changes throughout whatever time you want to spend on Barbelith.

It's interesting that you're considering acting now after such a long time of reading about it, specifically at a time when you're wondering what all the other practising practitioners you know have accomplished. Sounds like a rich creative tension.

It's ok to feel apathetic and pessimistic. Let yourself feel it for a while then notice what comes to take its place now.

If you decide You want to get into magic, let us know.
 
 
nyarlathotep's shoe horn
18:03 / 26.03.05
ultimately, magic's about how you feel (oh, such trite oversimplification)...

if you're having difficulty overcoming your inertia, consider observing yourself for a while. what makes you act? what makes you feel comfortable? strong? withdrawn?

magic practice is honing what you're already good at. There's a skill to reading. do you wish to continue developing that particular talen to the exclusion of others? which others interest you beyond the intellectualisation of them?

take a piratical approach, perhaps - and wade into something, instead of carefully considering every detail. It's amazing what you might teach yourself about yourself.

hang out with babies and watch them learn. seriously. the amount of unrestrained curiosity, and playing with the world is inspiring. They're much closer to the source, and haven't lived long enough to have forgotten so much of it.

jump into something, having assessed any risk, but not every infinitesimal detail, and watch yourself navigate the turbulent stream.

remember.

it's important to remember that childlike enthusiasm - and evoke it.

sometimes this requires sleeping under the kitchen table, building a fort out of sofa/couch/chesterfield/divan cushions.

spend a day without asking any questions. See if that helps.

may the wheel turn in your favour.
pablo
 
 
gravitybitch
18:56 / 27.03.05
I guess what I'm trying to say is, "What's the point of it all?" // The degree of apathy and general grey blah I'm feeling right now is really overwhelming me. // I'm really not trying to sound so bitter and pessimistic, but ultimately, that's what's stuck in my head right now.

In your reading, have you come across the idea of the "Dark Night of the Soul"?

This sounds like a good time to sit down and assess what you think you're supposed to be doing here. What do you want? What do you need to feel whole and healthy? Where does all that conflict with the usual societal programming, and what are you going to do about those conflicts? Where can you compromise?

My advice is to find things to do. Get out of the armchair, do things you enjoy and things you think will make a difference. Do something *new* at least once a month - try a different sort of cuisine, go clubbing if you don't, read a book about something you know nothing about...

Magic can be an answer of sorts to that "static in the head" but you have to choose to make it so, or else you've just got another set of tools with no idea what to do with them. If magic is something you want to do, start by listening to it - yoga and meditation are a good place to start; divination is a great idea but presupposes a certain trust in the whole process of magic which you may not currently have....

(And if divination sounds like a good idea to you, but you don't have trust in yourself, I'd bet you could get three readings in fewer days here if you ask for it. But you gotta ask, gotta have enough trust to risk at least that much...)
 
  
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