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Monkeys!

iamus

03:51 / 05.02.05

I've tried reasoning with them. I've tried threatening them. I've even tried implementing an escalating reward scheme with bananas. Dole bananas!
Not a single line of Shakespeare.

Not. A. Single. Bloody. Line.

What gives?

Sean the frumious Bandersnatch

05:03 / 05.02.05

Maybe you're setting your sights too high. Have they produced anything legible yet? I got a couple of monkeys to write an issue of Savage Dragon for me once.

Lilly Nowhere Late

06:04 / 05.02.05

I so understand your dilema. The monkeys at Hackney Council are giving me the run around and no matter what I try to do, they just respond in the same ginning retarded way that screams, "me monkey, me not want to help you spend your money on my paycheck, me just want to be a nonce and play with cardboard boxes, hee hee hee."
I'm thinking of giving away their hiding places to that research center that called the other day.

---

08:18 / 05.02.05

You need to pretend you're a Monkey, do the jig, the noises, then walk away a little and sit down, start scratching, licking and cleaning yourself.

THEN the reward scheme with the bananas.

w1rebaby

08:29 / 05.02.05

I think your problem may be that you're not using an infinite number of bananas... or perhaps a lower order of infinity than the number of monkeys.

iamus

11:24 / 05.02.05

Have they produced anything legible yet?

Well one of them did manage to fashion a legible Caravaggio out of their own fecal matter, but that's not what I'm looking for at all. Besides, the cheeky monkey started winging handfuls of it across the room as soon as I'd noticed. I think they're being willfuly obtuse.

It's getting to the point that I don't need to try dancing and screeching like a monkey, I'm running down that road regardless. I also may have to stop with the banana scheme. I can't prove it, but I'm certain they must be stockpiling them in a desperate effort to barter their freedom.

Perhaps I need to install new hiding places... Ones with nails, dripping water and little slits that let in hot sunlight.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:33 / 05.02.05

I reckon
they're too busy singing
to put anything legible down

Triplets

12:22 / 05.02.05

Well, don't just stop there. You need a bit of manipulation, some dumb slogans...

...and jet-packs.

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