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Confessions, some time ago i worked with what was identified as a carved human fibia, supposedly african in origin, this item turned up in a red cross charity shop for £5, no really.
I was working with the gede and maman brigette at the time, i used it on two occasions, once to get an annoying neighbour removed, the next day he was committed and another occasion to remove another annoying neighbour, next day he was carted off by the police. I worked with the bone in conjunction with maman brigette and it all seemed fine at the time, until things started getting really scary and panicky( i was also contemplating the idea of becoming a christian at this point, which influenced my decision to stop working in this area) and the bone ended up smashed to bits with a hammer and buried in a local maize field.
I also used to work with a foxes skull which i found on farm land allowing the carcass to rot and then returning for the skull after a period of time, i got rid of this after a time too, as i felt something wrong in continuing to work with it, around the same time if i remember, back onto the farm land i first discovered it on. i still work with fox but through other connections these days.
No matter how hard i try to escape this stuff, i still have a fascination for bones and the netherworld, it feels kind of homely, relaxing, peaceful. It became an image thing as a young adult and teenager, but now i am not quite sure what it is, i have no idea wether to pursue it or just let it drop, some one once tried to convince me i had the soul of a necromancer, its a nice fantasy, but i never quite bought it. I think its a natural human curiosity to be intrested in this area, to come to terms with death. No matter how hard i push it away, it comes back, something wants me taking notice of this area.
My first forays into tantra were led by kali and the thugee, tibetan buddhism by mahakala,vodou by papa ghede, maybe its just the imagery i find attractive, i deliberately try to work with the opposite to combat these tendencies, figures of love and fertility, but somehow thats beginning to feel dishonest, what i really seem to enjoy is death and destruction. but i tell myself in order to grow up and move on ive got to leave those things behind and adapt to more socially acceptable spiritual forms, this whole magick lark is beginning to seem like a farce, maybe if i just listened to myself and stopped buying into all these systems and traditions, whats really there would make itself known. |
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