Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Hand-jobs and lubricant: the big questions

Murray Hamhandler

23:36 / 27.01.05

When giving an HJ for money or drugs, do you use any special kind of moisturizer/lotion or just whatever's around? My own feeling is: the john in question is honoring me by choosing my services over the four other guys who work my corner, so I should do him the favor of using a top-of-the-line lubricant. Trouble is, I don't really charge enough to pay for that stuff and if I charge more, I'm going to lose business to the other guys. Now, I pride myself on being the most highly-skilled of all the boy hookers on my block, but the winter months have got my hands chapped and cracked. Spit'll get the job done in a pinch, but my customers are always running the risk of "grated knob syndrome" when I go that route. I need expert advice! Help!

Alex's Grandma

00:01 / 28.01.05

Tea Tree oil is not only a lubricant, but a nutrient for the old chap, I gather.

Call me a prude though, if you like, but what on earth has possessed you to *share* this with a bunch of strangers on the interweb this evening ? Why today ? Why not, y'kow, never ?

( I'm assuming you're joking, of course. )

unheimlich manoeuvre

01:38 / 28.01.05

profile 58, eh?

I use Swarfega, although it tastes rough, it's always about texture!

8===>Q: alyn

02:16 / 28.01.05

Interesting that the post where I actually sank to the low has gone, but the post where I bemoan it is still there. It sort of makes it look like I am fessing up to being Mr. Hamhandler, which I am not. For the record, there was a post in there that said, "Use the jizz in your butt." That's the low I sank to.

iamus

02:25 / 28.01.05

And with that chance to regain your dignity, you decided you're not interested in anything but sinking back down...

Mazarine

02:37 / 28.01.05

Tea Tree oil is not only a lubricant, but a nutrient for the old chap, I gather.

Tea Tree oil smells so horrid though, and if the client in question is seeing Murray on the side, it'll be a bit awkward when the wife asks "Dearest, what the fuck is that odor coming off your prick?"

Dose

03:45 / 28.01.05

Spit. (dont ask)

Sean the frumious Bandersnatch

06:19 / 28.01.05

I can only imagine how many new people are going to be coming to this site based on this thread alone.

Prayer is the ultimate lubricant, Murray. Do you reject Jesus?
[ ]yes [ ]no

8===>Q: alyn

09:02 / 28.01.05

Gah! Someone's made a monkey out of me!

8===>Q: alyn

09:12 / 28.01.05

(shakes fist, throws poop)

Mourne Kransky

11:50 / 28.01.05

Stick with intact, uncircumcised men. No lube required.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

15:59 / 28.01.05

No, Barbelith is as good as it ever was. Whatever makes you think it isn't?

LykeX

16:51 / 28.01.05

But Xoc, that kinda limits the clientel and therefore the earnings.

Murray, I think you are just going to have to accept that a two-dollar hand-job in a public restroom, is going to be lacking in quality.
If your professional pride can't take that, I suggest hooking up with some people in the classy escort section of the business. There you can afford to give your customer the best.

Murray Hamhandler

19:26 / 28.01.05

Well, call me old-fashioned, or an overachiever if you must, but I'm a strong believer that a body should take pride in his or her work, no matter what that work might entail. Unfortunately, the unsightly straight razor scar that winds its way across 75% of my face (which, general ethics of attacking someone with a straight razor aside, still strikes me as a bit excessive on my attacker's part) has hindered my search for employment in the more reputable eschalons of the sex trade. I refuse, however, to use my bad fortune as a reason to give a half-hearted reacharound for a fair amount of spit methadone. Hence the solicitation for advice.

That said, I want to thank you all for the suggestions! I have a date in fifteen and some tea tree oil toothpaste that I just stole from a CVS. Somebody's gonna have a hot time tonight!

Murray Hamhandler

19:31 / 28.01.05

"Eschalons"?

Too many narcotics for me, I guess!

Alex's Grandma

22:17 / 28.01.05

Scars show you hav livd. A well-aimed pass with an open blade is simply a short-cut to what time does anyway - I'd open a diving business in Honduras or somewhere,* were I you, and tell everyone you were attacked by a big squid.

* Againnnn, I'm assuming you're joking.

Mourne Kransky

00:22 / 29.01.05

Granted, LykeX, one more way the US sucks.

Stop mutilating your boy children.

lekvar

03:44 / 29.01.05

Awwwww, but it's sooooo much fun.

Add Your Reply