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Underground > Creation >

Fantasy Laptop Party

Less searchable M0rd4nt

21:00 / 21.01.05

Sparked off by this thread here, in which Haus' laptop was seen to be over and replacements were mooted.

First, Toughbook was mooted. Ex said:

TOUGHBOOK is all very well, but when will they bring out FEYBOOK? For those of us who have never done anything so rough and beastly as run for a plane (or attend a business meeting), and ruin our computer equipment by squashing it against a chez longue under a pile of eiderdowns, or spilling absinthe on it?

Nick then explained: I want a LOUCHEbook. Something in suede and mother-of-pearl, I think, with a small amount of padding suggesting the back of a pair of well-filled jeans. Keyboard in bone or reclaimed ebony or mahogany with silver chasing. And one of those disk drives which gasps slightly when you use it.

Me, I need I need I need GOTHbook. Grey, purple, green and BLACK colourscheme. Nastily organic contours as popularised by His HRness of Geiger. Keyboard enamelled in black with filigree inlay, Morpheus font. Tiny draw next to the CD drive in which to house one's supply of cheap, nosemelty base. The cover would be that pointy rubber stuff you make cusions and rucksacks out of. It would smell faintly of cloves at all times.

Whisky Priestess

21:37 / 21.01.05

Me, I want a BOOKBOOK.

"Infused with the smell of new print, the BOOKBOOK's retro styling will delight the most discerning of bibliophiles. Featuring scribble-on screen technology that mimicks the writeable surface and friable texture of actual paper, the BOOKBOOK is twice as lightweight, portable and hardwearing as any novel by JK Rowling. Let the new (yet somehow old) BOOKBOOK, with free proprietary BookMark, PageTurn and LibraryFine technology, bring out the atavist in YOU!*"

* N.B. BOOKBOOK inc. is not reponsible for products left on trains, lost under sofas or lent to friends and never returned.

22:45 / 21.01.05

I want, predictablely enough, a COMICBOOK - with a script by pete milligan and art by philip bond.

23:34 / 21.01.05

The v12book:
Surprisngly fuel-efficient for a v12 hotrod, the v12book can travel up to 500 miles on a single tank (or 12 hours between charges) and has a top speed of 5gbps. Comes with all of the standard amenities: Leather interior, chrome trim, titanium alloy chassis, AC, AM-FM-CD/DVDrw, and liquid cooling. Your choice of 6-speed manual transmission or 5-speed automatic.

Just watch their faces when you light up this bad boy at your local coffee shop!

Fuzzy dice, pinstriping/flames on the hood, custom rims, turbo available on select models for additional cost.

Rollo Kim, on location

15:47 / 26.01.05

For ages I've dreamed of a PowerBook that is really organic / trans-hi-tech: a desktop that gathers dust, folder-icons that rust if they don't get opened very often, Brasso phosphoresnce around the edges of the desktop and keyboard, a pair of curtains instead of a backlight dimmer, innards that are somehow 'clockwork', a hard drive that ticks rather than hums, a keyboard that's more like an antique typewriter but illuminated {my laptop is old, its keys don't light up, ho-hum}. Etc.

A Terry Gilliam / Steampunk laptop!

20:46 / 26.01.05

You're my fantasy laptop, MC. mrrrrowl!

XXII:X:II = XXX

06:12 / 27.01.05

I'd like a UBOOK:

* Touch-free sensors akin to the old U-Force controller for the original NES

* Display projected directly onto my iris with minimum of corneal damage

* Bluetooth RSS feed from the UBIK satellite platform

* Able to submerge and surface in water without electrocuting me or dying a soggy death

* Tells me interactive stories starring me that teach me all sorts of subversive shit like the book in Neal Stephenson's The Diamond Age

* Self-adapting aesthetics that match it to me and whatever look I'm rocking; conversely, alters me in such a way as I begin to resemble a slick piece of high-tech computing

And let's face it, having worn out the X, I and E single letter prefix on technology, U is looking pretty ripe for the branding/sigilization.

/+,

Sean the frumious Bandersnatch

11:44 / 27.01.05

My fantasy laptop- one that I didn't step on, and that isn't now broken.

If it could taste like egg nog and have little fingers to walk around on, that'd be swell, too.

15:09 / 27.01.05

I like my iBook, but I really want an allSeeingiBook. It will be able to detect whether there are any free access wi-fi networks in the vicinity without me opening it up and switching it on, and will indicate this to me by purring quietly (because there are just too many things that bleep and beep these days).

Because it is an allSeeingiBook, it will be able to answer my questions as I think them up, such as "I wonder what kind of butterfly that is," or "Where did she get her coat? Can I get one like that?" It will store these answers in a document file, and self-erase questions as it discovers when my interest wanes or dissipates.

It will be able to tell me when my friends are talking about me behind my back, and whether they're saying nice things or not. It will tell me whether the men I'm interested in have any reciprocal interest in me and are possible to pursue without risk of utter humiliation, or if they're just flirting with me. It will tell me whether the outcomes of interviews will be positive, and since it can tell me exactly what I need to do and say in order for them to be positive, I will never have a problem with another interview or meeting ever again.

It would ensure that I had my finger on the pulse whenever I needed it, basically.

Yet, because it is an allSeeingiBook, it will never intrude on my thoughts or cause me to feel a lack of privacy, nor will it tell me directly the exact thoughts of others, because it has enough knowledge to know where to draw the line. And it will be totally unhackable, and constantly contemporary.

07:37 / 28.01.05

Out now: The dirtyBOOK.

Comes with sumptious jizz-resistant leather exterior, with an option to upgrade to the superior chrome-studded version.

Using the powerful new Microsoft Steamywindows operating system, the dirtyBOOK boasts the hardest hard-drive on the market, and a battery offering 27 hours continuous computing time.

The software bundle includes CuntWorks from the Henry Miller Studios, the games Snatch and Cockfight, and the famous Jo Guest Spreadsheet.

Optional attachable Playboy bunny ears are also available.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

11:57 / 06.02.05

How about an iBlob? A gloopy mess of fluid state components to be configured to suit your mood. Stick your fingers in and demand a one-hand keyboard or a horizontal screen, or just use it in warped and motile form. Responds to skin resistivity, voice commands, tonguepad, or just plain guesses what you want with its learning software.