Finally I have some weirdness!!!!111"!!!
So then, last night my SO and I saw the most fucked up thing I've seen since, um, I don't know when.
We'd just crossed a road that joins a busy A-road out of Brighton, when the sound of two cars colliding came from behind us. I look and see that a small Fiat, waiting in the central reservation, has been blasted across the A-road by a large, expensive Rover. The Rover then proceeds to accelerate down the smaller road seemingly in an attempt to flee the scene. Strangely, however, the driver isn't able to manage a straight line and careens into the wall of the petrol station that stands beside the junction.
At this point the Rover is completely fucked, and everyone, pedestrians and drivers alike, have stopped to stare at the madness.
But it doesn't stop there. Oh, no.
The driver then decides that he better make a break for it down the A-road, afterall he's totalled a car and rammed a petrol station. So, what does he do? He pulls the car round and rams the petrol station's metal security barrier (on the other side of which stands the A-road), demolishing it and further fucking the front of his vehicle. Bear in mind that my SO and I are now opposite this maniac. Needless to say, shocked fascination quickly transforms into poopy fear.
This guy is clearly out of his mind, oblivious to the many vehicles and pedestrians on the outskirts of his carnage.
Luckily, he spends the next thirty seconds doing the best impression of an inebriated car I've ever seen, and finally comes to a stop behind the Fiat which has pulled in to the roadside.
Needless to say the young couple in the Fiat are more than a little pissed off, but, like everyone else, relieved to be alive. The girls rings the police, the guy gets out to find out what the fuck has just happened.
As for the driver of the Rover. Well, his passenger, a woman in her early fifties and dressed for an evening at the casino, falls out of the car, stumbles to her feet and starts to wander aimlessly - drunk isn't the word. Then, a minute or so and a whole lot of concerned pedestrians later, out comes the driver - a middle aged man, again, dressed for a glamorous evening at the poker table. I'm surprised the guy can stand.
So, does he apologise, does he attack anyone? No. Instead he circles unsteadily around the car, surveying the damage, which, needless to say, is impressively extensive - an amazing advert for the durability of Rover cars. Finally coming to a stop by the small crowd of bewildered pedestrians surrounding the vehicle.
At this point everyone is quiet - who is this maniac, what's wrong with him?
The driver stares into space for a couple of seconds, rubs his chin, and mutters "woo, look at that!"
People start to remonstrate and shout. The driver of Fiat doesn't know what to do. This guy is clearly out of his mind and utterly uncommunicative.
At this point, shaken, baffled, and amazed that no one has been hurt we decide to make our exit, confident that we aren't going to get killed by the world's most dangerous driver. Besides, we don't want to hang around in case he gets back behind the wheel.
A minute later, just as we're turning onto our road, the rover flies past us on the road out of Brighton. |
