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Can I write?

 
 
agvvv
22:46 / 26.12.04
The night before there had been little or no sleep. The place was tidy, no doubt about it, but something was surely wrong.
Earlier in the morning there had been strange noises about,
leaving far too much to the imagination. Strange sounds emerged from closets and bedrooms alike.

Late breakfast, eggs, no bread. Im all out of bread.
 
 
TeN
23:45 / 26.12.04
I'm hungry for more.
keep going with this.
and yes, based on that very short piece, I'd wager that you do in fact have talent. hard to tell though... give me more.
 
 
agvvv
11:15 / 27.12.04
More.

The night before there had been little or no sleep. The place was tidy, no doubt about it, but something was surely wrong.
Earlier in the morning there had been strange noises about,
leaving far too much to the imagination. Strange sounds emerged from closets and bedrooms alike.

Late breakfast, eggs, no bread. Im all out of bread. I left the house early, heading for the cornershop.
When I can afford it, I go there to buy a pack of Luckies, the hag that runs the place always looking at
me with a disturbing frown. Im aware of it you know, havent had a shower in weeks. I rarely leave the
house. The apartment I live in is vast and empty, making way for noises of all kinds. Especially around
8. I always touch the doorknob four times before I leave.

The hag at the shop had grown older. Over night. I paid my pack of Luckies and got out. Ive had this
lighter for ages. Zippo. Its green, with an inscription on both sides: "Harry's bar and grill". Ugly really. I headed back home.

My place is tidy now. I cleaned it the other day, took me hours. I found things I havent seen in ages,
old magazines, books. I flipped through some of them. One article entitled: "Lost Kitty - The misconception
of Atlantis". Made me sleepy.
 
 
TeN
16:24 / 27.12.04
I like it. It reminds me of something that I'd write. Or something by Stanely Donwood. The only slight problem (which isn't really a problem at all, more of a limitation) is that this style can't possibly keep up for more than a few pages before the reader gets bored with it (or maybe it can, it'd be worth a try to see how long you could keep it up)... it only works in short doses. I do like it though, you've really gotten into your character's head, and such a cyclic, fragmented interal monologue says alot more about him than dialogue or narration could (it's a tactic I often use myself - to not only have the character narrate, but have the monologue mimic his thought process, which lets the reader get even deeper into his head... in your case, I get the impression that the character is nuerotic, paranoid, and obsessive compulsive.).

Nice stuff.
 
 
agvvv
19:00 / 27.12.04
Thank you very much.. Yeah, the style might get tedious.. Ill see how long I can make it work..
 
 
All Acting Regiment
20:12 / 02.01.05
This is definitely a good start, and I would echo TeN's words. If you intend to make this into a longer peice, however, I think it would be interesting to see some "anchoring"- where the story is set, and when. This of course isn't such an issue with this very short peice.
You have certainly grasped the ability to put across a specific mental state that the narrator is occupying- this encourages us to read on to find out what will be the result of this mental state.
 
 
Ender
20:08 / 05.01.05
YOU CAN WRITE!

I wonder though, why you felt the need to ask. I know you are good, why don’t you?
Here are words better than I could say myself:

if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.


if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in
you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.


Charles Bukowski
 
 
Alex's Grandma
21:25 / 05.01.05
Alternatively:

Got to local hostelry,
Drink birds,
Shag beer,
Write down thoughts,
Publish,
Repeat.

Repeat as necessary for the next thirty years,
While laughing all the way to the oxygen tent.
 
 
agvvv
09:51 / 06.01.05
I think Ill go with Alex on this one..
 
  
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