Brief background: I’ve been through some major life changes and in most ways I’m back at square one. After reading the Morrison interview on disinfo I decided to pick up chaos magick again.
Previously I had dabbled once in a while with only a couple minor successes. (In other words I haven’t hit the lottery yet.) But I’ve decided to start keeping the diary and doing it every day, so the past two nights with the aid of a little of Mother Nature’s finest I charged a couple sigils.
I just moved here to an area of the American Midwest about half an hour from where I grew up. There are woods around my neighborhood so I did some exploring: a nature hike, see where the narrow trails lead, and so on.
I’m walking through the creek on igneous and slate rocks, the water only a foot at its deepest, half looking for arrowheads or whatever else may turn up. It involves at times jumping from rock to rock so as not to get my feet wet. I am making noise.
I’m not more than 100 feet into the woods when I hear a rustling and turn to the left bank to see a deer trotting (not running) from me. A big six-point buck. I mean big. Now I’ve grown up in subdivisions around woods and I have never, never seen a deer up close and personal. I’m thrilled and a little nervous. I look down and there is a small rusty iron pipe at my feet. I pick it up just in case and stand there, motionless, watching the deer, turned back, watching me.
I continue down the creek cautiously, the thin pipe at my side. When I get almost across from it the deer trots back up the trail, the way I just came from. I watch it graze for a few minutes and then continue down the creek. Another 50 feet and there is a fallen tree blocking my path. I could’ve climbed over it and continued but I took this as a sign and turned back.
The deer was still there, right near the edge of the trail where it leads down to the creek, right where I needed to go to get back home. I walk slowly toward it, stopping and watching. It’s oblivious to my approach, grazing as it is. When it senses me I’m about 20 feet away, standing on a rock in the creek. It stares at me full on and this is what happens.
It winks at me with its left eye three times, then wiggles its left ear. There were a lot of gnats about, maybe one was buzzing in its eye, I don’t know. We stare. Then it winks its right eye two or three times. And here’s what’s weird to me. Imagine staring at a deer up close full on, meaning its face was squared to mine. It has big black pupil-less eyes and a narrow face that tapers down into a curved point. You know what it looked like? What it made me think of? The face of the Communion alien or little grey men, only with horns. I’m not saying I hallucinated a Terminator 2-esque morphing. I’m just saying the faces, at that time, looked the same.
What was left to do but talk to it? I didn’t know what to say but I raised my open left hand as if to wave and:
“Hello. (pause) Thank you for coming out to see me. (pause) I’m going to need to cross back over there to get home. (pause) I mean you no harm.”
And right when I finished those words, I mean you no harm, the deer bowed and raised its head in one motion, as if bending for a bite but changing its mind. It was a fucking bow. Then it turned again, white tail lax, and walked off. And I walked home, stunned. I set the small pipe in front of my door as a sort of talisman of protection, came inside, and typed all this up.
My conclusions: well obviously I’d have to think a buck is some sort of totem or spirit animal for me. Wouldn’t I? That future chaos workings should involve the male deer. And I should add that the sigils I charged earlier had nothing to do with wildlife although they did have to do with me personally.
Beyond this I have no idea. As I said I’m just getting started. So I turn it over to you people. What’s the significance if any of finding this rare wild animal in the woods? Any significance to the winking, or to the numbers involved?
Just what is going on here anyway?
(Edited for language.)
[ 06-08-2001: Message edited by: Topper ] |
