BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Alexander

 
 
iconoplast
14:53 / 29.11.04
So, despite the best efforts of Jordan Catalano, whose performance was entirely wasted, and a brief cool bit with a flying bird, I suffered through three hours that managed to turn one of the most amazing life stories, ever, into one the single most boring film I've sat through.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who accidentally paid to see this.
 
 
Tuna Ghost: Pratt knot hero
14:58 / 29.11.04
There's already a thread about this particular movie, in which I express my hopes and desires for this film to not be a pile of shit.

So it's no good, then?
 
 
Aertho
19:25 / 01.12.04
This poor, poor film...
 
 
ibis the being
21:18 / 01.12.04
Time out - I've already read one reviewer claiming that Jared Leto gave a good performance which, really, shows you how abominably bad the film is, that in comparison watching Jared Leto stand around batting the lashes of his blue, blue eyes would come off as good acting.

Yes, it was that bad. Cringe upon cringe upon yawwwwn. People walked out of the theater when I went. Angelina Jolie was unbearable. The framing device using Anthony Hopkins narrating to a scribe was just embarrassingly twee. There was not much in the way of redeeming qualities - I suppose ogling Rosario Dawson's ass might have been nice, if not lodged in the context of the lamest "rough" sex scene ever. And did you know that, presumably because Colin Farrell can't "do" any accents, all of Greece and Macedonia spoke with Irish brogues? No, really!

Perhaps worst of all is the dreadful sucking sound I hear when I dare to wonder what exactly Oliver Stone was trying to say with this film. That Alexander had a mean dad and a crazy mom? That he expanded his empire... for no reason? That he was bisexual? None of these even comes close to a reason for making a three fucking hour movie.
 
 
Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!
21:56 / 01.12.04
I really want to see this now.
 
 
fluid_state
13:30 / 02.12.04
Oddly, yeah. ibis really makes it sound like a comedy goldmine. I'll give it a few months, the it's Torrents-ahoy.
 
 
FinderWolf
16:51 / 02.12.04
What's sad is that it seems like there's a really good story to be told there somewhere. Alexander was a great conqueror and did amazing things... (we all learned about them in WATCHMEN, remember?) And Colin Farrell is a decent actor but seems really miscast here. and blonde hair on him looks very silly.
 
 
The Prince of All Lies
22:15 / 02.12.04
yeah, it probably sucks, but I'll see it anyway...I love Alexander, since, well, he's my namesake..and I read Massimo Manfredi's trilogy called Alexandros which was great...
and there's Angelina Jolie WITH snakes in the movie, ain't it?
 
 
iconoplast
04:00 / 03.12.04
If you love Alexander?

Don't see this movie.

But if you hate Alexander?

Still don't see this movie.

The phrase "sin against man and nature" doesn't really seem to have enough oomph to convey just how awful it is. You see /nothing/ about what made him Great. The voice over narration makes it seem as though Alexander failed to unite the world, and the editing and jumps in narration give the idea that Alexander just picked a lot of fights at random without any forethought or planning.
 
 
Seth
06:29 / 03.12.04
I love Alexander, since, well, he's my namesake

I don't understand.

Your name is clearly The Prince of All Bush's Lies.

Stop joking around. It's silly and confusing.

Unless Alexander the Great wasn't his real name...
 
 
Scrambled Password Bogus Email
10:44 / 03.12.04
Isn't Alexander the Great a totally different movie due out in '05?

Maybe the Olly Stone version is about some other Alexander. Alexander Jones, or Alexander Pilkington-Smyth, the Not Quite Great but still Quite Good in a Fight.
 
 
Bear
10:56 / 03.12.04
So this isn't even bad in a good way?

Did anyone else read (in the Sun) that Oliver Stone wants to make a movie about one of his biggest hero's Maggie Thatcher. Book your tickets now
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
11:05 / 03.12.04
Meryl Streep as Maggie? No way - Glenn Close would be my first pick.
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
11:37 / 03.12.04
I'm very interested to see how Stone, given his well-documented strong male figure fixation, will deal with the subject of Thatcher. I'm wondering whether he will, as with Nixon, attempt to show the human behind the public image, or whether he's just gonna revel in the ball-busting Iron Lady persona - although he's got a huuuuuge task ahead of him if he wants to draw out some sympathy for her...
 
 
Sean the frumious Bandersnatch
18:27 / 03.12.04
Jesus, people, don't bother with this story of Bullseye, son of Jim Morrison and Gia. Watch Reign, the Conqurer instead. Seriously, do you honestly expect this movie to have anything as cool as Pythagorean robo-monsters fighting for the control of the superdimensional Platohedron?
 
 
ibis the being
19:59 / 03.12.04
No, it's not bad in a good way. Once I thought it would be amusing to watch the legendarily bad Ishtar - a dreadful mistake. It's like that kind of bad. I'm sorry if I somehow bungled my review enough to make it sound worth watching. And it's three hours long! Just watch a trailer if you want to laugh at it.
 
 
eddie thirteen
18:17 / 07.12.04
I'm not really sure why I'm responding to this, since I have neither seen nor have any intention of ever seeing this film -- but I WILL say that I first saw a commercial for it during some sports event or other back in September or something, said to myself, "Well, THAT'LL be a piece of shit," and presumed that it had already been released and bombed. So imagine my surprise when it was suddenly being blitz-advertised all over TV two weeks ago, released on Thanksgiving, and now has apparently bombed. I'm sure an insane amount of money was spent making the film, but how much was pumped into ads? Seriously, this must altogether represent at least three hundred million dollars, and all for something any idiot could have told you would end up in the $7.99 bin at Best Buy by Easter. I want Oliver Stone's agent!

As for why people keeping giving him money (other than truly talented representation, which is my theory), there was a time when I was really young and stupid when I thought Stone wasn't a total hack -- I think his better films speak to the embittered, nihilistic teenager in all of us. Stone, at 86, still seems to be an embittered, nihilistic teenager himself; it's a kind of incoherent life-rage and lust for recreational pharmaceuticals/titties combined with a dim yet passionate understanding of Philosophy 101 that simply cannot be faked. Remarkably, in four centuries of filmmaking, Oliver Stone has completely failed to mature on any level, which seems perversely admirable to me. Sadly, though, even his better movies are now unwatchable to my grown-up eyes -- Platoon and Natural Born Killers, which I used to think were pretty damn good, now just seem like pretentious wankfests in desperate need of editing -- and I'm hoping that seventeen-year-olds now are too sophisticated to be taken in by them, though I doubt it.
 
 
No star here laces
00:48 / 08.12.04
I do think that this film is noteworthy in that somebody thought it was worth making a 3 hour, live action, yaoi film.
 
 
Ganesh
15:07 / 08.12.04
Of a Thatcher biopic:

... he's got a huuuuuge task ahead of him if he wants to draw out some sympathy for her...

Maybe in the UK (although even here, I'm sure she still has her loyal - if closeted - fanbase) but given the degree of misty-eyed nostalgia for Reagan, I suspect it'd play rather well in the US.
 
 
Haus of Mystery
16:08 / 08.12.04
Oliver Stone directs Thatcher biopic?

Ohmygodpleasepleaseplease.

Will there be Native Americans in it?
 
 
yawn - thing's buddy
09:03 / 21.01.05
went to see this last night - thought it was okay.

the final jungle battle was nice and weird and nae doubt a wee homage to platoon. (in fact the final charge made by alexander strongly resembled dafoes 'fall' in platoon)

I thought farrel dealt with the role reasonably well. Val Kilmer? - never seen him better.

True, homo-sex was dealt with in an embarrasingly coy manner - but its holywood - i knew what to expect.

Also, cos i know a wee bit about alexander (stuff from watchmen!) I was less angered by the lack of detail.

Most of the complaints on this page are valid - but only if you were expecting, 'the greatest movie ever made.'

Jolie was daft - ham sandwich of a performance - but I enjoyed her onscreen: she looked fantastic (such beautiful arms), the snakes thing has beeen totally exaggerated (they hardly featured) and misunderstood by a media unwilling to give this film anything (fuck, alex may have considered her to be medusa-like - he did believe he was the son of zeus after all)

Farrel was good at portraying a young man driven by adventure in my opinion. You got the impression that he really did want to just go on and on and on.....(kinda like that mate in your gang who kept saying, 'hey, lets check that bit out over there, cumon...)

tho

I'd have liked to get into the mindset of the times a little more and there really was masses left out (and Darius' cameo wwas embarrasingly dealt with - a massive historical figure rendered mute by Stone’s lack of imagination)

my main problem was the overall cleanliness of the movie.

An army of 150,000 men should STINK!!!!

That dawson chick was well fit tho - jeez!
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
01:22 / 27.01.05
I didn't see the movie.

the editing and jumps in narration give the idea that Alexander just picked a lot of fights at random without any forethought or planning.

But that is sort of how it went. All that stuff in WATCHMEN is actually not so much true. Alexander was a drunken lout for most of his career. The guy really running things, I suspect, or at least exerting tremendous influence on Alexander's decisions, based on the way things shook out after Alexander's death, was his childhood friend (NOT his aged adviser), Ptolemy.
 
 
Aertho
12:59 / 27.09.05
Perhaps worst of all is the dreadful sucking sound I hear when I dare to wonder what exactly Oliver Stone was trying to say with this film. That Alexander had a mean dad and a crazy mom? That he expanded his empire... for no reason? That he was bisexual? None of these even comes close to a reason for making a three fucking hour movie.

Again: This poor, poor film.

I agree completely with ibis. Alexander, the story, is a great thing, but the execution of the plot was horrible. It seemed there were several attempts at making an overall theme and meaning to the story, but failed. What struck me as a strength was the recognition that for Alexander, there was no distinction between myth and life. He was Zeus, he was Oedipus, he was Achilles. His mother was "older, and stranger" Asia, his mother was Medea, his mother was Rhea. His father Cronus, and so on. His Roxanna was Olympias, and the cycle, like all myth, continues.

Perhaps it's the Seven Soldiers leaking into my brian, but the film could've been made stronger if they'd left out all the childhood crap except the time in the cave with his father, and left the mystery for the end. Angelina was a wasted commodity. A correspondance with her, though probably historically false, would've strengthened the fear Alexander felt and ambition.

The cultural exchange and revolution that Alexander wrought, his most distinguishing characteristic, was dealt with, but never shown. For him, Asia and Europe was his parents, and he sought a more perfect union. The union was made, but even that theme was failed. One might think the bisexuality could've served as another opportunity to marry the genders/continents/passions, but that's entirely my opinion.

I wish they could have another swing at bat.
 
 
Tim Tempest
13:52 / 27.09.05
This movie was boring and shitty.

It should have been about Alexander's mother.

His hot, hot mother. Who didn't have nearly enough screen time.
 
 
Aertho
14:07 / 27.09.05
You really ought to substantiate your opinions beyond what you feel is sexually attractive. That is boring.
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
10:22 / 28.09.05
Well, it's not like anyone apart from yawn is disagreeing with the 'boring and shitty' description...
 
 
This Sunday
12:40 / 28.09.05
The mum was the worst bit, really.
And it was never quite as good as Alexander can be. When everyone's designed by Peter Chung, that is. And nobody wears pants. Not nearly enough pretty and/or violence in this film. And... it's not that there's too much talking, but that there's too much stupid talking.
If it'd been an Persian Nixon with a Transylvanian accent being assassinated by the CIA-funded counter-revo-anti-surplus commie-nazis from Hollywood in Brazil I might have loved it, but as it stood... I still liked it better than almost anyone I know and I don't really want to watch it again.
 
 
Aertho
12:54 / 28.09.05
I still liked it better than almost anyone I know and I don't really want to watch it again.
 
  
Add Your Reply