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Every time I encounter pagan spiritualists (pagan being used in the catch-all sense) or people of assorted unique belief systems that I always get singled out?
I can be with a large group and people heavy into ritual magicks always stare at me like I have a tattoo on my forehead.
It's typically said by strangers that I have an unusual aura or something. I've had neo-pagans who are into Campbell try to associate me with Loki or Aztec deities. This is all without provocation.
I'm not a magick practioner or shaman.
But I get random people in resturants or other public places stop me and it's somewhat unnerving.
An elderly shop clerk once stopped me in the mall to tell me about how he thinks EM fields are a link to other planes, Tesla's involvement in EM research and why my watches always stop. I didn't mention that my watches always stop, I wasn't wearing one and I never mentioned anything remotely occult. I was just browsing through antique coins and the man claims my aura caught his attention. I have no clue how he knew my watches always stop working.
I'm often just enjoying a cup of coffee when someone feels the need to approach me and tell me I'm an "old soul", that I have a "strange aura" or proceeds to tell me, unsolcited, about what they think I am which is usually some kind of angel or shapeshifter or spiritual being inhabiting/taking the place of a human.
It robs me somewhat of my certainty in my own identity that I get singled out for this.
It's like... a lot of teachers seem to instantly befriend me as if they know me already. I've had professors read a few paragraphs of my writing and proclaim my talent... and it leaves me feeling as though they seem to know me when what they have to go on shouldn't be enough. And so I get scared and try to avoid giving them more to go on.
It's like I have a tattoo on my forehead that they can see but that I (and most people) can't and I don't know what it is.
Tonight, a waitress who announced that she was a priestess of chaos kept staring at me and, especially when I professed ignorance of her faith, just gave me this *look*.
It was this half-tearful look of disbelief aimed just above eye level. Like I had a marking. It was like there was something printed on my forehead that she was afraid of. Whether it was something dangerous she believed was threatening me or me that spurred that hurt look, I don't know. She just kept repressing whatever it was she was thinking.
But she was looking at me... and it felt like she wanted to say, "Do you realize...?" But the last part was left open.
I don't know if it was:
"Do you realize there's something sneaking up on you prepared to devour you?"
"Do you realize that you know more than you know?"
("You know more than you know" is something EVERYONE tells me constantly to the point that it's almost infuriatingly vague and constant.)
"Do you realize what you are?"
"Do you realize you're about to die?"
But she wouldn't say what it was that the looks she was giving me were supposed to mean. Maybe because I had friends present? And the more I pressed her to ask what question she had on her mind as she kept giving me odd glances, the more she tried to hide her facial expressions. She kept insisting it was nothing with a half-terrified smile.
The people I encounter always introduce themselves and their beliefs and then cringe. I'm not sure if it's that I have something behind me that terrifies them...
Or something inside me.
And the more I tend to let words pop out unconsciously, the more many of these people seem to have strong reactions to simple things I say, as if there's either some hidden meaning... or as though there's a movie playing on my forehead and they're reacting to things OTHER than what I'm saying.
And it's unnerving.
Can anybody get to the bottom of this? |
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