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Hugs that make you uncomfortable

18:55 / 28.11.04

I have three people in mind, each of which have their own ways of hugging, none of which I particularly like [the ways of hugging, not the people]. I haven’t said anything to any of them about it. They’re all in my family, by the way.

#1

This person insists on reaching their arms underneath mine, effectively cradling me. I try to go in diagonally, one over and one under each side, but they often force both arms under. This makes me feel somewhat patronised.

#2

This person stops at a distance of a couple of feet from me and then leans forward, hugging me with their arms and shoulders but not making any body contact. I often get one of their shoulders in the throat. I am less close to this person than the others, so I am probably least bothered by this one.

#3

This is the one that’s hardest to work with, I think. This person hugs me tightly, enough to prevent me from moving comfortably. They then quickly move their hands from on my back to on my arms, and lever themselves away from me in one quick movement. The practical effect is that this person is in complete control of the hug.

Anyway, I’m sure others have had experiences of people hugging them which make them want to dispense with the whole activity. That’s certainly how I feel with these people. However, to say anything about it would make future hugs feel forced. Besides, shouldn’t you just accept that the person is just trying to express affection in their own (perhaps flawed) way?

Discuss.

19:38 / 28.11.04

Cover your clothing with broken glass and maple syrup. Unwanted hugs will cease quite promptly.

On a barely more helpful note: I know what you mean. Hug rules tend to very unspoken, and it's very awkward to communicate about these things. So, I guess my advice is "good luck." There are little things you could try; for #2, try to rush in real quick and get close in the hug. Apply things like this, or ignore me entirely. I myself am eagerly awaiting better insight on the situation.

19:47 / 28.11.04

Have you tried hugging first? Beating them to the punch, so to speak?

22:01 / 28.11.04

I'm assuming you're thinking about this, TS, because it's nearly Christmas again.

I was going to suggest that you phone up the family and say you seem to be going down with, eg, glandular fever, but then I dare say they'd worry, so that's no good.

This is possibly a bit unhelpful, but why not just show up with a few drinks on board, and if any of these people look like moving anywhere near you, make it subtly apparent you'll spill beer on their clothes. And if necessary do so - they'll definitely respect your personal boundaries a lot more after that.

00:02 / 29.11.04

My God why can't they just stop touching me. I hate when people touch me. There is a reason I don't hug people! I don't want to be touched. It bothers the living shit out of me. I can't stand it at all. I don't mind when Brian touches me and all. It's different with him. I just don't like being touched by anyone else. And they fucking know that but do it anyhow. Grandpa tries to hug me or grab my arm (which he did and he hurt me) or Grandma will rub my back. I'm like GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!.

03:44 / 29.11.04

Try psychotherapy. Sometimes it helps. Alternatively, you could try calling the WAAAAAmbulance.

04:32 / 29.11.04

I just realized that you're English, so I must apologize for my cultural insensitivity. All that hugging must be dreadfully unbritish.

Keep a stiff upper lip, old chap, close your eyes and think of England. It will all soon be over and you'll be back in your foxhole napping under your blanket.

13:28 / 29.11.04

I was hoping someone was going to address the issue of the "gentlemen" at work who insist on giving me - er, you those sideways hugs, where they push their hip against yours and squeeze your waist tenderly, fingers pressing in, smoothing their palms across your back for a moment before releasing you. so far I've just managed to keep furniture between us as a means of avoiding such contact. cause, you know - ew, yo.

13:31 / 29.11.04

Maintain an erection, or reasonable facsimile thereof, at all times. They'll hug you once and never again. And if they do hug you again, well. Result.

13:34 / 29.11.04

I seem to remember some of my school teachers giving me just that kind of hug, the only difference being that I was, you know, a child, and they were, you know, adults.

Not nice.

13:36 / 29.11.04

I'm not sure I would have wanted to rub my erect pee-pee against my teachers.

13:40 / 29.11.04

Well, school isn't about what you want, is it?

14:03 / 29.11.04

Well, I suppose, and it might've got me more merit marks, so...

14:12 / 29.11.04

I was once the gooseberry in a Uni reunion thing - I knew most of the people there through my friend and shared none of their nostolgia. One of the girls left early and everyone said their goodbyes, hugging and kissing, I stood to one side waiting for them to finish but became aware that the girl was near me and we stood uncomfortably unsure, then hugged awkwardly. The worst of it was that we came together at the wrong speed and trajectory, I ended up with my right hand cupping her left breast. We froze for what seemed a long time, then she left.

14:17 / 29.11.04

You want hug horror? I'll give you hug horror.

Picture the scene, a drunken Boboss pulls a lady at the freshers ball. Boboss moves to take his trophy in his arms, accidentally smacks her mate in the face.

Really great. Still feels great almost 10 years later.

Tryphena Absent

14:23 / 29.11.04

Hey it's your body, if you don't want to hug someone than don't.

16:00 / 29.11.04

I have a T-shirt that says "STAY AWAY. I BITE."

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to work.

Take Aikido and learn about blending energy so you can move into and take control of the hug. If it doesn't work you can throw them on the ground and pin them.