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Missed Opportunities In Magic

  
 
Sekhmet
19:40 / 16.11.04
Arrrgh! I'm feeling magically stifled, and I think it's my own fault.

I hardly have time to do anything magicky, and when I do have the time, I lack the motivation, and when I do have the time and the motivation, I lack the cojones.

I was walking to the bank today, and after I crossed an intersection diagonally, the walk suddenly and spontaneously turned into a "drift" - abrupt perspective shift and heightening of psychic sense. I saw some important graffiti, and something significant in the front window of an art museum, and then rounded the corner of the street my bank is on. Sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, directly in my path, was an apple. A perfect, unblemished, beautiful, magical, shiny red apple.

I knew I was supposed to pick it up. But as I approached it, I'm thinking, what? Pick up strange fruit on the street? Who knows where that came from? What will people think if they see me do this? What will I do with it anyway?... and by this time I'm past the apple. I look back at it, think about turning around, but I don't - it will look even more ridiculous to turn around and go back to pick up a stray fruit, I think.

I make my bank errand, feeling terrible. I'm already regretting this. On the way back from the bank, I take the same route, and from half a block away I see the apple still sitting there, with a definite sense of relief. There's no one around, I see, okay, so I'll just pick it up quickly and put it in my bag... I get closer, steel myself for the grab, and then a respectable-looking man comes around the corner. I freeze up, my step hitches, and just as I'm passing by the apple, the man stops on the other side of the and picks it up.

He got my apple, dammit! A man in a suit got my apple!

I suppose I should just take this as a very clear cosmic lesson, be grateful and go on, but I'm too busy kicking myself. Particularly since this is not the first time something like this has happened. I have endless ideas and plans that never get enacted, either because I can't be arsed, or I decide they're stupid.

Does anyone have any tricks or suggestions for staying motivated and focused on magic when other matters and concerns interfere?

Sign me, Slittin' Me Own Throat...
 
 
Lebra
20:28 / 16.11.04
What I did was brainstorm a bunch of things I could devote myself to (school, magic, money, etc.) and then gave myself a week to decide on one and start on it. Of course, this didn't happen, as I had the same problem as you. It seemed that the universe, or my subconscious (or are they the same?), decided to take things into its own hands. A few days after the deadline I had a personal experience that changed everything and spurred my development toward magical and physical adepthood. You might try the same thing.
 
 
rising and revolving
22:20 / 16.11.04
I used to have exactly the same issues. Now I don't.

The difference? Well, learning more about will. Daily practice - the ability to DO the things I desire.

Daily practice. Honest. It makes all the difference. What sort of practice? Doesn't freaking matter. Yogic Sun Salutation every morning. LBRP every evening. Liber Resh Van Helios. Ceremonial Tea Boiling at noon.

What matters isn't the practice, it's that you do it. Commit to doing something every day for ONE WEEK and it'll change your life. In time. If you let it.

Worked for me, anyhoo.
 
 
LVX23
23:28 / 16.11.04
Doing something that you think makes you look funny or odd is a magickal act in itself. Your the one holding the key to your own shackles.
 
 
Charlie's Horse
23:44 / 16.11.04
Good call on the daily practice, janus. Working for me...

Once you break the ice and do something your sensible/cynical side deems 'stupid' or 'inane,' the rest that follows gets a good bit easier. Hmm.. I guess my first drift worked because I had a small physical object on my person that reminded me of my intent. It was a dull shard of glass that I covered with spidery handwriting and fit into the palm of my hand. Even though I ran into some people I knew and reverted to more normal perceptions, when I got that lil' talisman out of my pocket and walked on, I found myself back in the heightened state of mind this kind of work involves. The best part was that though I was walking about with this thing, though I was constantly aware of it, hardly anyone else was.

As far as doing what some part of you says you 'shouldn't,' start small. If you don't want people to think that you're acting crazy, then act 'crazy' in a way they won't notice, but in a manner that you won't be able to ignore. Then work your way up. The drift I did after that one, I had on one boot and a flip-flop I found on the streets (my other boot was courting some shrubbery at a distant corner). I felt like a complete nut, and this feeling propelled me into such a state that talking to a panhandler didn't bring me 'down' to reality - it elevated his words to ancient truths, directly related to what I was doing. He never noticed my footwear - or if he did, he didn't mention it. All I did was put on two different kinds of shoes, one that I found in public, and suddenly everything became a bit more sage. So if picking up street objects is a big deal, think in more subtle terms. Effect some subtle change in your own home, pray for help, and then walk the streets knowing that though you're doing something 'bizaare' or 'taboo,' nobody else has a clue.

As for me, just thinking of all this has given my feet a wandering itch...
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
09:12 / 17.11.04
I knew I was supposed to pick it up. But as I approached it, I'm thinking, what? Pick up strange fruit on the street? Who knows where that came from? What will people think if they see me do this? What will I do with it anyway?

Don't beat yourself up over it too much, it sounds like your drift contained some interesting lessons and even though you didnt completely follow it through, if you take something from the experience it could be considered a success. These little internal walls and obstacles will come up time and time again when you drift. It's part of it. Learning to go through them, as an act of magic, could be looked on as a part of the empowering process that makes drift items take on their numinosity.

Doing crazy things in public puts you between worlds, and the more you do it, the more you realise you can get away with all kinds of things without anyone really batting an eyelid. Possible parallels with the parkour thread I think... by drifting, and going with the flow of the drift that you're on, wherever it takes you, you redefine your relationship with the urban environment. You start to operate in a space that is removed from the normal version of the city, as most of its inhabitants experience it. Literally walking between worlds.

For the purposes of the drift, and the magic that it relates to, you are spending an afternoon as the local crazy person, doing weird things in public because the Spirits have told you to. If you can accept that, go with it for the purposes of magic, and then come back to the normal version of the world with a powerful totem object or some information or a lesson, then you are doing some good magic. At the risk of sounding like a text version of the Serpent in the Garden of Eden, next time you find yourself on a drift... pick up the apple.
 
 
nidu713
13:36 / 17.11.04
I have a somewhat similar experience to share.

I work in an office and the nature of my job entails that I am receiving many courier packages everyday. As it takes me a while to work through opening these packages, I *sometimes* (what can I say... I'm a procrastinator) have a buildup of packages that I have to work through. One week, I had a pile of packages that I was working my way through. As I was opening these, I came across a package that didn't have the usual contents. It had a watch - a rather expensive watch.

Ok... so don't smite me with your karmic judgments when I tell you what I did next.

I work in an office building where a major watch manufacturer has its offices... so, there was really no question in my mind as to where it was directed. As receiving this watch highlighted some major synchronistic axioms in my mind, I decided to "hold onto it" for a while and see if any repercussive waves reached me.

After having it in the courier envelope for a month at my desk, with no word from the watch company or courier, and asking friends and family about their take on the morale ramifications, I decided to keep it and use it in a working. (I figured that the watch manufacturer would have no problem replacing it.)

The final part of this working was that I give the watch to someone who needed it. I carried this watch around with me waiting for the right opportunity to give it to someone... I wasn't sure who... but I felt I would have known when the time was right.

One day walking around the city during my lunch break, I ran into a middle-aged blind man asking for change. Being inundated with requests for change in my city, it's easy to let autopilot take over with the "No... sorry" response, which I gave to this man. But as I said those words and began walking by, something screamed at me inside my head that this was IT.

I proceeded to have the internal struggle with myself, half of me screaming to turn around and go back and the other half telling me not to. My mind was forming arguments for and against, each argument becoming successively smaller. This continued, until I began to envision this struggle as a ring, my consciousness traveling around it from one pole to the other. Assessing this ring led me to the logic that my mind was making the up the rules for whether this was the right decision or not. So, since that was the case, understanding this ring gave me the permission to act. I promptly turned around, and went back to the blind man. I introduced myself and told him that I didn't have any change for him, but I had an old watch. He accepted this gift with such a thankful and zealous nature that I was taken aback (as he was blind... what could he really use a watch for?).

So, what I ended up with was this ring that manifested itself many times before in the guise of internal struggle. Now, when it manifests, I recognize it and it gives me the permission to act.
 
 
Simulacra
14:22 / 17.11.04
As for the parkour comparison, I can only agree with you. You walk down the street and suddenly get this notion that you should jump across a bench sideways. At another occasion I got a notion to jump across the gap between two subway platforms, but backed out despite I am sure I'd make it. And you get this scary feeling - what will people think? But I have realised that I blame other people when it's me. The question should instead be "What will I think?!?"

I believe that the only things you regret in life in the things you never did. This thought has provoked me to do stuff which are very much "out of character" for me.
 
 
Sekhmet
14:50 / 17.11.04
You people are always so damn helpful.

I'm going to go out and jump over a bench. In the rain. In clogs.

Temple gives me a happy.
 
 
Samael
15:09 / 17.11.04
I too have had similar times when I felt it, smelt it, but couldn't handle the dealt it part. I wouldn't lose sleep over it. After all, do you think you'll be able to let such a piece of fruit ever go again? As already mentioned, if you learn from the experience to not let it go again, then it wasn't entirely a loss. Being so hard on yourself adds only more unpleasantness. Lighten up and keep on truckin'.
 
 
Sekhmet
15:20 / 17.11.04
You know what, now I'm also wondering about the respectable-looking fellow... Who was he, and why did he pick it up? What did I just encounter? Was he a magician? Or maybe something else?

This kind of thing is going to keep happening, isn't it?

Sorry, still getting used to dealing with the world this way. Learning magic is very weird.
 
 
rising and revolving
15:35 / 17.11.04
"So, what I ended up with was this ring that manifested itself many times before in the guise of internal struggle. Now, when it manifests, I recognize it and it gives me the permission to act."

Nidu, that is an absolutely brilliant summation of the position. I didn't even consider trying to put that whole mental hiccup into words, but I'm very glad you did.

Yes. Lots of Yes.
 
 
gale
16:30 / 17.11.04
I have one thing to add to all of this fantastic advice. When you get that feeling to do something, or pick something up, do it. Do not think about it, just do it. In general, people are so wrapped up in their own lives, they will probably either not notice or if they notice, won't stop and ask you what you're doing because a) it's none of their business, b) they don't have time, or c) they don't really care.

Sekhmet, that was a great experience you had. I wonder what the guy in the suit would have done if you had said, "Hey, that apple's mine!"?
 
 
Sekhmet
16:59 / 17.11.04
Perhaps I should have...

But I think it's okay now... I have acquired a large and magnificent acorn...
 
 
Liger Null
17:15 / 17.11.04
You could try planting the acorn, Sekmet Maybe that's what you were supposed to do with the apple seeds.
 
  
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