*shivers*
Some of those resurrected threads from HS contain some of my very first HS posts. That forum should have warnings.
I also get irrationally angry at male friends who have strippers at their bachelor parties. One friend actually hired two girls to do a live sex show for a party, and I have trouble talking to him now.
I both agree and disagree with this. Watching a live sex show can be very exciting, but I often have a problem with "girl-on-girl" shows because one or both women involved, usually don't even like women sexually. It reminds me of a celebrity endorsing a product they would never use...well, kind of like that. This insincerity makes the scene unbelievable, therefore less enjoyable.
Why do people choose this line of work?
I have wanted to be a stripper since I was little, about 9. I think I thought it was glamourous then, (it's not, really). There are many freedoms as far as time and one's appearance that one wouldn't have in a regular nine-five, "normal" occupation, and the money can be quite good. Mostly, I think I decided to do this work when I was legally able to, and still do it, because I had a similar repulsion to it as you, Sekmhet. This was my way of overcoming my inhibitions and prejudgices. I remember the first time I had sex with someone after I had started dancing; it was gloriously liberating.
I think a lot of dancers/prostitutes do the work because of the money. It may allow them to remove themselves from abusive homes, or out of poverty. The problem here arises when these young women are still functioning from a dysfunctional emotional state at work and the money is spent on drugs and alcohol just to get through the emotional and mental stresses of the job.
Do you think it contributes to society's objectification of women (or men)?
Well, yes and no. Objectification is taking place in an environment that is meant for it. Just so long as I understand this, and it stays in the context it is in, I am fine with it. I don't think that because we have exotic dancing and porn in our society, it makes it perfectly acceptable to treat one's business colleagues as objects. That's demented. There is a time and place for it, and also a limit.
I think a dancer has to make the boundries of her objectification clear. I cannot delude myself and say that we are not being objectified, so I choose to deal with it by enforcing limits on the objectification. The client can imagine that I am their sexslave/mistress/mother/lover, and we can pretend/act/role-play it to an extent, but they must understand it is not real. This is "fantasy", much like most entertainment. Also, because they are objectifying me, they have already given up any claim to being genuine/real with me. It is entertainment, pure and simple, and it is my show. The extent to which I perform a role is my perogative and it may vary from day to day.
I don't expect to be objectified by the people I work with/for however, to the point where they let it interfere with how they treat myself and other dancers. The point is we are doing a job and it doesn't define who we are as individuals, but this is another issue.
Do you ever find it demeaning, or the patrons creepy? Does it give you a sense of power?
Yes, of course. There are bad apples in every crowd or audience. Most clients are quite "normal", and not some sex-crazed pervert who attempts to molest me every time I entertain them. If I let someone do that and cross my boundries without respecting them myself, then of course I am going to feel demeaned. The most demeaning aspect is dealing with bar owners and the men who work in the club (and I suppose agencies or pimps, which I don't work for). Again, it is a rather larger issue of the politics in the industry which allows (and even encourages) the stigmatization of the the workers, where in the case of exotic dancers, it is supposed to be a legitimate occupation. There are very few regulations in place to prevent the mistreatment of dancers (and definately of prostitutes, considering it is usually illegal). Dancing is legal, but there is no available recourse to pursue exsisting labour laws and apply them this industry to protect the rights of the workers, that are enforced in other industries. If, for example someone does manage to molest/violate/physically harm/or rip me off, I have no recourse for justice. This is either because of the prevailent stigmatisms and prejudice the government/society have of dancers that has caused this oversight, or the men "in charge" - the bosses, owners and bar staff - will disallow any recourse such as is the case in theft and molestation, usually. There is no way a dancer would be allowed to call the police for a sexual harrassment for example. It would have to be a pretty serious violation against a dancer, probably involving a weapon or something of similar gravity, before anyone would even care to detain a client/customer to call the authorities.
Having said that, one would wonder where the sense of power, or rather empowerment, does come from. It is from dealing with clientelle directly. There is definately body worship involved, and the freedom to express one's sexuality quite fully in the setting provided. I am able to be anything/one I wish to be in that environment. There are still many taboos placed on women in society that prevent her from acknowledging she is a fully sexual being for fear of being called a "slut", a "whore", a "homewrecker", a "succubus/vampire". The work allows for these labels to become rather meaningless since it is part of the job to be seductive and "slutty". It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when people call us names. It means that we have the support of our colleagues (the other workers, not management) in the industry to negate these "insults" from outsiders. I am baffled that there is so much demand for the sex industry, yet the common public will still find justification for degrading those in it. Most of the judgements about the workers are based on ignorance or personal prejudices. I think there is even a certain jealousy that the workers can make easy money. This is an utter fallacy. This work is NOT easy.
How do you feel about people who have spouses and significant others coming to see you perform? Should that bother the significant others? What is the relationship between the performers and the patrons?
To begin with, my work is focused on the customers/clients. Whatever their marital status is is not my business. What is my business, is entertaining them, even as a prostitute (as I have done before). My relationship should never leak over into their relationship with any spouse or long-term relationship they may have. There is no love commitment involved with my entertaining them. I am not infringing on the sacredness of their relationship, they would be doing that themselves as my clients. How am I supposed to know the agreements that a couple has? I look at it as adult playtime and that should never take priority over their committed obligations. Myself, I do not allow my clients to fall in love with me. As I have said before, because they have objectified me, and I work solely in the realm of fantasy, there is no recourse for pursuing a "real relationship" with me. I do know quite a few dancers that cross this line and develop relationships with customers, but I don't find it sits well with my own philosophy regarding my work.
Sometimes, customers come in as couples, which is just fantastic. I love to see a couple enjoying my show/services together. I feel that is a healthier way for them to enjoy my work, rather than one of them perhaps, betraying the other. However, I do not have the ability to know which couples have an "open relationship" (when only one shows up) and therefore, this is why I do not involve myself on an ongoing personal level too much with clients. I can be quite cruel in order to release them from their fantasies and pipe-dreams if they are becoming too clingy putting more importance on the "relationship" that I have with them.
Have you ever been harrassed or stalked by a customer?
Yes, a bit. I am very intimidating though, so rarely this happens to me. I do not like to give off any scent of being a victim, so they usually give up quickly. I draw my boundries and if they try to cross them, they will learn better than to do that.
Does it make a difference what sort of club you're in? Are the more exclusive clubs better to work for
Yes and no. Exclusive would mean that only certain people would get in, so it does limit the demographics.
Is it really an art form? Do you get to express yourself artistically through dance and make it a real performance, or do the patrons just want to see flesh?
For certain the art is an imporatant factor. Most patrons absolutely love the performance art that some strippers provide. Some strippers do not do this as well, but still have a very erotic way of expressing themselves. The customers definatley enjoy it if a dancer puts in some effort though, makes eye contact, displays some talent and ability...There are customers that are very base too, however, and they only consider T&A as a means of judging whether a dancer is "good" or not. I think they are similar to movie-goers who care little for plot-lines and are more interested in special effects and shoot-em-up chase scenes. I definately express myself and feel incredibly comfortable on the stage.
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I want to say also, that although some people have a problem with the money and sex exchange, this work is part of our society. The fact that it is deemed as "dirty", (exchanging money for sex or sexual fantasy), keeps this work in a danger zone. This is what perpetuates the seediness. Society as a whole needs to overcome their guilt/shame and just admit that it has this need for sexual exploration that can be provided in an impersonal, non-committed manner. This would lift the condemnation of the workers and allow them to create standards and legal protocol in the industry, that cannot otherwise be attained due to the "managers and agents" and pimps that are allowed to exploit the workers, and the government that sits on it's laurels; only to get up off of it occasionally and persecute those that are in it in order to "protect" them from being exploited by giving them fines, incarceration and taking away even more dignity from them. This work has been going on for many, many years, and it is not likely to stop without a brutal militant law enforcement. That would only cause the industry to go further underground and protect it's workers even less! The only way I can see to pull the industry out of the depths of "seediness" in which it is seen and survives, is to make it more legitimate and allow the workers to unionize and self-govern. The public at large need to get over their stigmatization, stereotypes and prejudices of the industry and those who work in it in order for this to happen.
I personally have provided my service to many who in their daily life, would never, ever admit to using it. Why the shame and hypocrisy? I think it is just the way we view our own sexualities and the fear of being condemned that place this burden of shame on the heads of those who provide these services. A healthier attitude all round, would remove this. This industry is not going away, after all, lest the censorship be leaked over in many other areas.
I have read this article on prostitution backwards and forwards. It is fairly definitive of the obstacles this industry faces. |