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Just Ask Bush

01:57 / 15.10.04

The Bush Press Conference Response Generator

Special thanks to Fridgemagnet for this blithesome diversion.

My examples:

Mr.President, How big is your penis?

The response:
Gosh, I don't know.

(long pause)

I'm afraid they want to hurt us again. They're still there. It is a -- it is -- it's a chance to hug and weep and to console and to remind the loved ones that the sacrifice of their loved one was done in the name of security for America and freedom for the world.

And we have an obligation to work toward a more free world. By winning this battle, it will make other victories more certain in the war against the terrorists.

He was a threat because he funded suiciders.

Hold on for a second. Those who yell will not be asked.

And this one is completely priceless...

Mr. President, what do you think of Barbelith's "Bush Loses" campaign?

The response:
Ah. Er. A hopeful society is one more likely to be able to deal with the frustrations of those who are willing to commit suicide in order to represent a false ideology. And we weep when they die, and we're proud of the victories they achieve. Ah. After 9/11, the world changed for me, and I think changed for the country.

Gosh, I don't know. We had a counterterrorism group meeting on a regular basis to analyze the threats that came in.

Hold on for a second. Those who yell will not be asked.

Ahhh..that was so satisfying. Thanks again Fridge

BUSH LOSES!

11:29 / 15.10.04

I have to bump this.

16:01 / 15.10.04

Mr. President, what are you going to do about your problem with frothing at the mouth?

Er.

My response is... I did contemplate a larger strategy as to how to deal with al Qaeda.

The spirit is incredible. And we weep when they die, and we're proud of the victories they achieve.

I believe that freedom is the deepest need of every human soul, and, if given a chance, the Iraqi people will be not only self-governing, but a stable and free society. They could still be there. They could be hidden, like the 50 tons of mustard gas in a turkey farm.

Yes.

01:08 / 16.10.04

"Is that a toupee?"

Er. (long pause)

(pause)

And a free Iraq is going to be a major blow for terrorism.

Free societies are hopeful societies.

Er... The other lesson is, is that this country must go on the offense and stay on the offense.

Yes.

01:45 / 16.10.04

You see, the responses are completely indistinguishable from the real thing.

03:23 / 16.10.04

What's for dinner?

Look.

(pause) (looks around room) We're an open country, and we're a country that values our openness. We ought to honor that, and we ought to welcome that.

One of the things I was concerned about prior to going into Iraq was that the oil fields would be destroyed. But they weren't, they're now up and running. And that money is -- it will benefit the Iraqi people. It's their oil, and they'll use it to reconstruct the country. Er. I feel strongly that the course this administration has taken will make America more secure and the world more free, and, therefore, the world more peaceful.

I think -- He was a threat because he coddled terrorists.

Let's see here, hold on. You're next.

09:35 / 16.10.04

ohh, I think that means "chicken".

17:18 / 16.10.04

I was hoping for 50 tons of mustard on a turkey

02:20 / 17.10.04

Mr President, are you high?

(looks around room) I mean --

Er. One thing is for certain, though, about me -- and the world has learned this -- when I say something, I mean it. I think -- That's the assessment that I made from the intelligence, the assessment that Congress made from the intelligence; that's the exact same assessment that the United Nations Security Council made with the intelligence. I know the Iraqi people don't believe that, that they're better off with Saddam Hussein -- would be better off with Saddam Hussein in power.

Let's see here.

04:26 / 17.10.04

Was it ok for Fridge to, y'know, cut that guy up and laugh while he was doing it, Mr President ?

I think - I think...

Er. A free society is a society in which someone is more likely to be able to prove their child in a comfotable position. and few to that it an old affordable execution.h