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Bumping this for the Christmas update. Interestingly enough, it appears Vladimir's predictions may be coming true.
My sister L had an emotional breakdown Christmas night at my dad's house. It started when she got in a fight with little ("half-")sister C and in her frustration cried out that C was not her real sister. That made C cry and hurt my stepmom's feelings, so my dad pulled L aside to talk about it.
It quickly became clear that L was really just confused and upset by her relationship with mom, and she pretty much had reached the limit of her ability to handle the stress of living alone with mom - who recently moved further away from our dad. Sobbing, while dad held her on his lap, she told us all that she "couldn't take it anymore" and didn't know what to do. She said she was afraid of my mom and her punishments, which consist of alternately screaming at or completely ignoring L. And that "it's like I'm holding something really heavy, the heaviest thing in the world, and I can't drop it - my mom won't let me drop it."
That's a startlingly good description of what it's like to be my mother's child, an apt metaphor for her particular brand of emotional abuse. She takes, exasperates, exhausts you, berates you, harangues you, and yet somehow has this way of making you feel that YOU are responsible for her happiness and if you say a word against her - even in your private thoughts - you've committed the worst betrayal. You live in this state of epic guilt and concern for someone whom you loathe, almost murderously at times.
It's confusing and devastating - and while I have had to live that way for years, I guess I didn't really understand that my little sister was feeling all of that. I guess I was wishfully thinking that, given her young age, most of it would fly over her head and leave her unaffected. Mostly I just tried not to think of L, as sad as I am to confess that, because it made me feel so panicky and helpless to think of her.
I never urged my dad and stepmom to ask for custody as much as I wanted them to, because the divorce trial was so lengthy (six years) and brutal that I was afraid to add to the stress. It turns out, L had the same thought, and told my dad she didn't want him to go back to court and "get in trouble." My dad, for his part, was afraid that taking L away from her mother would do more harm than good. But it's clear at this point that they have to get her out of there, and I think everyone realizes that now.
Ironically, my mom's moving away has probably only strengthened my dad/stepmom's custody case, because not only do they have a stable home life, all her friends and her old school - and, by my mom's own admission, a far better school system - are there too. I just hope my dad stays motivated on this (he's kind of the disorganized type), and whatever I can do I will. |
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