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Effortless Poise!

Less searchable M0rd4nt

14:18 / 14.09.04

Okay, so I was walking past a darkened shop window the other day and caught a glimpse of myself. As usual on these occasions, it took me a while to work out what I was looking at. That stuck-out arse. Those aimlessly dangly arms that look as if they've been pinned on by pranksters! "That cannot be I," said my subconscious. Yet--it was!

Once I saw what I looked like I immediately straightened up and tried to walk less like a brain-damadged monkey. But what if my mind wanders? Must I resign myself to slumping back into an unappealing and ludicrous posture?

I need Effortless Poise. What is it and how do I get it? Tell me now or you know I'll just come round and steal yours.

A

14:32 / 14.09.04

What, you never went to finishing school?

Tryphena Absent

14:36 / 14.09.04

All the people I know who have effortless poise (this doesn't include me, I little poise) had dancing lessons from a young age. Ballet, tap or modern. That's what you need to do. Go don your pink tutu.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

14:36 / 14.09.04

What, you never went to finishing school?

Yes, but a freak cranial deformity meant that I was excluded from Deportment. I could balance books on my head just fine, but I ruined the binding.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

14:36 / 14.09.04

If the problem is the arse-shelf slouch, the remedy is probably Tai Chi or Pilates. Maybe Alexander Technique.

For shoulder slouches, I recommend Tango.

Ex

14:53 / 14.09.04

Mother told me, when I was a child, to picture a thread coming out of the top of your head and going upwards.
Of course, by the time you've pictured where the thread's going, who's holding it and how it's attached to those delicate fontanelle bones, you're not gracefully elongated: you're crouched in the corner flapping your hands to ward off the invisible airborne alien string-holders.

15:18 / 14.09.04

Well, if you've got the neandertal slouch going on, you might want to try extremism in the opposite direction: strut. You can go for the full-on gangsta shuffle (bit of sway helps here), or give your gait a bit of Travolta. Think Saturday Night Fever, baby, that scene with the pan up from his slanky disco shoes to "Stayin' Alive". In fact, just run that bassline through your head while you walk.

Don't lead with your cranium like it's some afterthought single-sense appendage that comes in handy for opening doors. Lead with your, well, try your feet first, just to be on the safe side. Pretend your torso is just molasses draining off the liquid piston motion of your hips.

Advanced courses can be applied for c/o: Ministry of Silly Walks. Please include 500 word essay/paragraph and demo video reel showcasing your walks. Sidewalk space is limited, so only the Silliest will be considered for tutelage.

15:49 / 14.09.04

If the problem is the arse-shelf slouch, the remedy is probably Tai Chi or Pilates. Maybe Alexander Technique.

Yes - these or any kinds of core stability exercises (press-up, sit ups, crunches, that kind of thing) make your posture better. Anna might have a point with the dancing thing as well -my posture was far better when I was doing a sport in which posture mattered. You get so used to guiltily straightening your back that it becomes second nature..

Morlock - groupie for hire

20:08 / 14.09.04

Yeah, Pilates or such will get you to stand up straight for a change, some kinda dance will allow you to move like you haven't got a stick up your arse. Result!

11:14 / 15.09.04

I have a similar problem, though my posture is ok, (not great B-) I am told I have a natural swagger which involves a full on "shoulder wiggle". How can I combat this affliction? Is my only option to join a finishing school and simultaneously squash my swagger and learn how to get out a sports car without flashing the street, can no-one help a swagger-afflicted 'lither?

11:25 / 15.09.04

B-

Does this mean you've got a stick up your arse?

Tryphena Absent

14:06 / 15.09.04

Pilates was invented to keep ballet dancers in condition when they were injured anyway so I reckon it all pretty much amounts to the same thing.

16:23 / 15.09.04

Things that I know have helped me include ballroom dance, mountain hiking, and Aikido...

I think basically any dance, martial arts, or regular exercise will help. Anything that improves your body awareness should improve your posture and fluidity of movement.

Cheap. Easy. Cruel.

02:28 / 16.09.04

Something that has helped my posture is squats. I don't know if you are inclined to weight training, but if you are, anything that helps to strengthen the lower back will be helpful. Also, it has the added side effect of making one more confident in their physical appearance, which tends to help with the swagger.

03:08 / 16.09.04

You want swagger? You want grace? Fluidity?

What you need is skateboarding, I tell you what. Better balance, heightened body awareness, and the uncanny ability to roll with any fall without even blinking. Of course, it doesn't come overnight...

Cheap. Easy. Cruel.

03:10 / 16.09.04

Actually, the cat's iao, maybe that is where mine comes from. I still have my old Jeff Kendall with the Tracker Ultra-lites.

03:21 / 16.09.04

I think i did a similar thing to this a while back, i looked at a reflection of myself and was pretty shocked, i was hunched over and looked wierd. All i did was to try and straighten my back and it seemed to work a lot. Also, with being a depressive for a long while, i used to always have my head down, looking at the ground, that didn't help.

If you try and straighten your back and neck a little when walking, it will feel robotic and worse for a bit, but once you get into it i think you find a balance between robot walking and monkey walking, then you should get your posture back. That sounds insane, i know. The worst thing is forgetting all about it and then seeing your reflection again and thinking something like "Shit! I forgot all about that!"

However you go about it good luck!

03:47 / 16.09.04

Jeff Kendall!?

Is that the deck with the graffitied wall on it? If so, that was my first ever deck--after I broke my little brother's Lazer. Coolio!

Shit, I bet it's got rail guards, tail pad, and such on it too, eh?

I've got a couple old decks kickin' about: a Lance Moutain with Boneite (ha! what a joke that shit was), and a Stabb with the pirate.

Right now I am skating on a blank from Skaters (a local shop). I've only bought blanks for the last five or so years--ever since I went through three decks in one summer. It's way cheaper, and the quality is as good as any other.

Cheap. Easy. Cruel.

03:55 / 16.09.04

Yeah, that is the deck with the grafitti hand on it. My last deck was a naked Powell Peralta Lance Mountain (showing my age). The only deck I broke that I wish I had back is the Zorlack Metallica. And yes, it still has the rails on it (no tail pad). I still get out and skate it around the 'hood, just for the hell of it. I skated mainly vert back in the day.

04:26 / 16.09.04

Man that's so cool! It really makes me happy in some strange way to know that you've got the same kind of deck that I learned how to ollie on. And it's good to hear you get out for a push still!

I've had an off year myself. Mostly been using my skate to get from A to B this year. Last year I was skating at Millenium Park four or five nights a week, but then, I was unemployed at the time and could head down there around 10pm and stay until dawn. Sometimes I'd have the whole place to myself!

05:18 / 16.09.04

As well as what's been mentioned before, Pilates, Alexander, skateboarding, Tai Chi, etc, I'll pimp Yoga, Le Parkour, Feldenkrais, Jeet Kune Do and BEING HIT ON THE HEAD LESSONS as excellent forms of psychophysical integration.

06:45 / 16.09.04

Can only give my very Alexander technique-biased thoughts – it’s the only thing that’s really helped me dramatically, in the dodgy posture area.

The idea behind it is that a lot of postural problems stem from having a faulty sensory perception of your own body – basically, you feel like you’re standing up straight but once you look in the mirror you realise that you’re all off to one side or you’re pulling your head down in a funny way. Pretty much everyone has some degree of this kind of faulty perception, picked up through years of habit (children and animals tend to display almost perfect posture, strangely - maybe because they haven’t got the same tendency to worry about things or get stressed out).

Alexander technique addresses the problem of recalibrating your sensory awareness so that you get more accurate feedback from your body.
Physical exercise doesn’t really address the faulty perception problem – so it’s pretty likely you carry the crooked posture into whatever it is, even if it is something like tai-chi or pilates (I have found these exercises to be particularly problematic to do without a good posture to begin with, only getting into them properly after having done the AT for a bit).

Less searchable M0rd4nt

06:48 / 16.09.04

I dispense the bonky heads around here, Morgue. I do not recieve them. And don't you forget it.

Thanks, all. Will look into the Pilates, Tai Chi ect. when I get a job. Also Swordfighting. I have no proof of this but deep in my soul I belive that Swordfighting with Big Swords holds the secret to all my problems.

10:43 / 16.09.04

YESSSSS, Highlander, swords will end all your postural failings.
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

lord nuneaton savage

10:52 / 16.09.04

I second the idea of having a good tune in your head while you walk and unleashing the strut.

Try "I'm a man" by Spencer Davis Group.

Not sure what the equivalent is for women...
"It's raining men"?
Perhaps not...

Goodness Gracious Meme

11:41 / 16.09.04

Oddly enough, "I'm a Man" works pretty well for us too. Fine tune.

I also find "Vogue" does the trick

13:24 / 16.09.04

I'll pimp Yoga, Le Parkour, Feldenkrais, Jeet Kune Do and BEING HIT ON THE HEAD LESSONS as excellent forms of psychophysical integration.

What's pimp yoga?

pointless and uncalled for

14:52 / 16.09.04

Learning to put your crush velvet purple cape behind your head.