It's well known that one of the major comic archetypes is the "Origin of the superhero" issue. Over the years, Batman has had many of these. The comic we're talking about today, however, is a little different. It is, in fact, the origin of the Batman comic itself! This comic first appeared in REAL FACTS COMICS #5, circa January 1947, and was recently reprinted in the "Batman in the Forties" anthology. The writer is unknown. For those who've never had the fortune to examine this artifact, a summation of the contents will have to do.
Title panel: Bob Kane, looking very much like a 40’s movie star (albeit a 40’s movie star wearing a red sweater vest) sitting at an artist's desk, tie untied, ink pen in hand, a piece of paper with Batman panels drawn on it. On the desk, two stumpy Batman and Robin statues waving to the reader. In big letters: "THE TRUE STORY OF BATMAN AND ROBIN! HOW A BIG-TIME COMIC IS BORN!" (Remember that word: True. It'll be important later).
Panel 1: Bit of preamble about Batman appearing on the “fiction horizon” in 1939. Dramatic drawing of Batman leaping through the cover of "Detective Comics" (the date on the comic is May 1939, and it's issue no. 27... This is one of the only "true" details covered in this little gem).
Panel 2: More preambles about Batman's popularity. Orange-haired kid at a newsstand selling comics points to the wares and says he'll take Detective Comics, Batman, and World's finest, prompting the seller to knowingly smile and say "I'll bet you're a Batman fan!" (Well, no duh, the kid asked for a Batman comic, you rube!)
Panel 3: Notes on Batman's 20,000,000 "followers" and his newspaper strip. Cozy domestic shot at home: kid on floor reading newspaper, turns to his dad and asks if he'll swap Superman for Batman. The father, wearing a suit, smoking a pipe, and sitting at his chair one leg folded over the other, says "Just as soon as I see how Robin fixes the Joker, son!" How 50's sitcom.
Panel 4: People watching Batman in the movie theater (hey, wait a minute, didn't the Batman films that come out in the forties really suck?)
Panel 5: Warplane. Army men decorating the side of their plane with a Batman logo: the Squadron's official insignia (so that's how the Allies won!)
Panel 6: Plain yellow panel with texts. Key words: "Millions have asked... HOW DID BATMAN COME ABOUT?"
Panel 7: To answer the above question, we see young Kane, "Creator of Batman", in his studio, hard at work. Big poster of Batman in the background. The statue of a penguin nearby is an inspired artistic touch.
Panel 8: Kane looks the reader in the eye and tells us "Ever since I was a small boy, I wanted to be a cartoonist. I used to save my lunch money and buy crayons..." Inspirational music presumably playing in the background.
Panel 9: Text at top of panel sees Kane telling us that in high school he drew posters for safety campaigns. Panel shows him drawing a poster for Fire Prevention week, surrounded by curious children. Gee, Kane sure is a square gee, though even the real Kane admitted he was a bit of a delinquent as a child, even running with a gang. That's not mentioned here, for obvious reasons.
Panel 10: Kane leaving the library, with his friend, the mysterious Larry. Larry tells Kane "Gee, Bob, you're always reading G-Men and Scotland Yard cases." To which Kane replies "I have something in mind, Larry. Be over at my house tonight."
Panel 11: Here's where it gets good. Larry shows up at Kane's house "That evening". We see Larry holding a cape and a cowl. He says to Kane, "You mean you want me to put on this costume your mother made? Why, Bob?" Kane: Just put it on. I'll explain later." Now, this could of been a good build-up to some hardcore S&M kinky gay sex, but sadly the end result is much more banal, as we shall shortly see. Disconcerting question: Why does Kane have his mother design a cape and cowl for him?
Panel 12: Larry is now dressed like Batman: In fact, he looks exactly like the Batman, utility belt and all! Kane, seated nearby at an artist's drawing table, gets to work, ranting on about how he's sketching a new character, a creature of the night... Batman!
Panel 13: "Weeks later, at the editorial offices of Superman DC magazine"... Kane, dressed in a suit, is next to the editor's desk. Editor is holding up a sketch of Batman and smiling. "You've created an exciting character son. I think we can do something with him."
Panel 14: Kane begins molding his cartoon character into a dynamic personality under "expert editorial guidance." Panel depicts Kane building a replica model of Gotham City, saying that he wants everything to be "authentic, based on scientific facts." Hey, didn't Batman originally begin in New York City? What's all this "building a model" shite...
Panel 15: Kane drawing the Batplane and the Batmobile. 'Nuff said.
Panel 16: sketch of the utility belt and what it contains.
Panel 17: Another one of those bland all-yellow panels with text, this one blaring "FINALLY, LIKE A MASTER ARCHITECT, KANE DREW UP THE BATCAVE, SECRET RETREAT OF THE BATMAN!"
Panel 18: Shot of Kane standing before a "Guernica"-sized map of the Batcave, pointing to it with a long stick. Near his head there is a picture in a frame that seems to depict a man wearing a gas mask. How odd.
Panel 19: Man dumping a shit-load of letter's on Kane's desk, telling Bob that this is his fan mail and that he's a success.
Panel 20: "Of the thousands of letters, one made him think..." Picture of Kane reading a letter saying "and I would like to see Batman have a partner... someone who can share the secret of his identity. Yours truly... (name blocked off)".
Panel 21: "And so was inspired the creation of the Boy Wonder..." sketch of Kane drawing Robin leaping from the Batplane. Man, I don't know about anyone else but I really want to wring the neck of that brat in the last panel that suggested this. Batman was way more of a bad-ass before he got teamed up with the Boy Wonder. There's a reason Burton never cast Robin, or why the character did so little in the initial episodes of the Animated Series. I hate Robin.
Panel 22: "One evening, as Kane was shopping in a novelty store with a friend..." Drawing of Kane and friend in novelty store. Friend is spraying Kane in the face with one of those joke flowers and laughing like it's the most original joke ever. Oh, if only the friend knew how important this trivial act would be in the future! (Daniel Clowes fans, take note: The suit worn by this prat looks EXACTLY like the one worn by the orange plaid man in the starting panels of Clowes' "Marooned on a desert island with people on the subway" bit... only the tie is different).
Panel 23: "But the joke was on Kane's friend, for the prank inspired Bob to invent the most Bizarre villain in cartoon history... The JOKER!" Actually, I thought it was a Joker playing card that one of the artists brought to the studio that inspired Kane, but maybe I'm being anal here. Anyway, panel shows Kane admiring big sketch of Joker, who is dancing with his hands in the air.
Panel 24: "And one beautiful summer afternoon..." Kane, sketchbook in hand, prowling the streets, spots an odd little man wearing a bowler hat, monocle, and swinging an umbrella. (can you guess whom this eccentric, not to mention probably fictional, chap inspires?) Cop nearby scratches his head and wonders aloud "Now why would anyone be carrying an umbrella on a fine day like this?" (the sun in this panel is fucking huge, looking kind of like an orange scrambled egg... Or a lion with a round head and no face).
Panel 25: You guessed right! The Penguin! Panel depicts stereotypical rendition of Penguin, umbrellas and all.
Panel 26: "Today, Batman and Robin, once a dream, have brought Bob Kane fame and fortune..." Kane once again looks into our eyes and thanks Batman fans for their interest and wonderful friendships. The Batman statue comes to life and says "And thank you, Bob Kane, for bringing us to life!"
And there you have the "True Story of Batman and Robin".
Final comments: Ummmmm, two words: Bill Finger, anyone? Hello?!?! True my ass! |
