First off, Gypsy Lantern, when I was referring to the star baby thing I was talking more about misguided hippy optimism/vague New-Agey philosophies and things of that nature. On a biological/genetic level I do think we're all connected, which is why I don't believe in violence as you're just hurting yourself. Hell, I think the end result of this universe will be the metamorphis into a giant eyeball-butterfly, but this is just based on the vision I had awhile ago and I'm not married to it. I am obsessed with the idea of evolution, I find the human body woefully inadequate for the future and yearn for the escape from the genetic prison random DNA forces on us, and I do have an interest in P-Orridge's view that the primeval slime is the "God" we originate from. I find the archean age fascinating. I actually do think larval stages factor in but occasionaly I like to challenge my cherished assumptions by assuming contradictory points of view. Otherwise one runs the risk of ending up with their head up their ass.
As for the Filth's refutation of the supercontext, I gently direct your attention to issue eight in which the survivors of the Libertania have reformed, sponge-like, into a group of robe-claded no-minded zombies. The idea that this is a rejection of the supercontext is not an original one, in fact it's been mentioned in the comics forum before. Actually, rejection may not be the right word, perhaps this is the perverted supercontext.
The indifference I've shown towards society may come off as laziness or taking the easy way out but I look at things from a practical level and I know that it is very difficult to truly help others when you can't even help yourself. I like to consider the Grail myth, how Percival cannot heal the wounded king (and thus heal the wasteland) until he heals himself. Therefore I think every individual magician must go on a type of grail quest themselves to know themselves and hail themselves so they can then cause change onto the world around them. I'm only 24... maybe some day I'll be in the position to make the world a better place but at the moment I still have other things to work through. I do my own small bit here and there... donations to environmental organizations, helping stray animals, saving the lives of insects... Actually now that I think of it I usually go out of my way in real life to be polite to strangers, even the ones that don't deserve it. Not that I'm a saint or anything. Right now the best way I can see myself making the world a better place is by trying to get books written and published, as I truly believe that art is one of the things that makes life worth living, and if I ever do anything that would inspire someone else I'd consider my life to be somewhat of a success.
My apathy stems from the fact that I wonder why so many other people out there would rather just grind through life without ever wondering why they're here, or why they believe every thing the news or their leaders say, or why they don't care about the environment or animal rights or anything like that. What's their excuse? I'm no different then them. I mean, I live in a small town, there's no real alternative scene (hell, not even a movie theater!), so I had to go out and seek out all this information and knowledge on my own. It's not like my parents urged me to do so, as they're catholics and would have preferred me to follow that path. But I came across all this information mostly through my own investigations and after I had been exposed to it all I knew I could never go back... Perhaps people choose to remain unknowing, or they prefer to not think from other viewpoints. It definetly makes life easier to get through, I'd assume. A lot of my apathy stems from frustration with the human race in general, I suppose.
As for walking between worlds and spirits and all that, I view art as something along those lines. The real world and the so-called fictional world, but I wonder if the characters I create are from my own imagination or if I'm receiving this all from something "outside", almost as if my body was an antenne (I've had some odd experiences with some of my fictional characters as of recently, but I won't get into that here). I suppose I've always felt more comfortable in the world of books and worlds, the world of the imagination. Because I'm slanted more in the favor of that world at the moment (rather then the "real" world) obviously I do not consider myself a shaman by a long shot!
When I talked about aspiring to outsiderdom I think I was trying to say that one should strive to explore things outside of the socially-accepted norms. I find it funny that you think you know so much about my life you can make these blanket assumptions about me. I would just like to clarify things here and say that I do have friends, though most of them are either online or college people I don't see all that much anymore.... Fortunetly in the last few weeks or so I've been branching out more meeting new people so I find myself excited for the first time in a long time. As of recently my challenge has been trying to adapt to a new job and trying to fit myself around it. Excuse me if I've been having trouble finding ways to break out of my twatdom, but I've been very busy. Ironically a big part of all my neurosis is the fact that every day I find myself in social situations in which I continuously have to conform to other people's expectations of me, and everyone expects me to be this mild, quiet little polite nobody. This wouldn't be as unbearable were I to have some kind of social outlet for my peculiarities, but at the moment I don't. But this is something else I'm slowly working on.
Seamus, regarding enlightenment being boring, I was referring more to the drones of "healthy-living" all-smiling zen-zombies whose books I see daily at my place of employemnt. People who smile all the time and are constantly at peace make me suspicious. I think denial is a factor and, while these people may of gone through great pain to reach a stage of "enlightenment", I don't believe there's such a thing as reaching some kind of plane and, upon reaching there, saying "Okay, I'm content now, no more struggles for me!" I tend to view life as a series of initiations, basically, and I don't care if someone knows how to open all their chakras or do all these fancy Yogi things. I would be impressed if they could rain penguins from the sky, however.
Of course, you could look at what I'm saying here and think "Oh, he's just saying all that because he's jealous he's never been in a state of bliss". Perhaps there's some truth to that. I will tell you that two years ago or so I was meditating in the campus library and afterwards I felt this odd sensation in which I felt like I was floating on clouds as I walked: By this I mean I felt completely clear-headed, at peace with everything around me, serene. It's nothing like the dizzy light-headed spells that bother me as of recent, but I had never felt more at peace. But ever since that day I've never been able to replicate that experience, which is why I quit meditation awhile ago due to frustration. I wish I remembered what I did that day.... However, a big part of me fears that, were I to not be in a constant state of emotional turmoil and physical pain that my creativity would suffer. I know this brings to mind the cliche of the "artiste" who can only create when in states of pain or emotional upheaval. You're probably right though. How can I possibly comment on it? I can't even imagine my life without pain. And by pain I don't mean just emotional pain, I'm talking about actual physical pain, though most of it is most probably due to tension/psychosomatic symptoms. Don't think I'm spoiled... I know there are people out there in way worse physical pain who actually do have something wrong with them. Trust me, I feel bad for them. Pain sucks. I also will say that periods of enlightenment aren't boring... My own vision was quite interesting from an evolutionary point-of-view.
I feel hesitant posting this, as I know everyone will just file it under "Oh, look, another typical long ranting self-pitying screed", but a lot of questions have been asked and I must answer all of them and I'm simply stating what I see to be facts. If I discuss my own life a lot it is only because I can only write from my own experience and no one elses, and I do this to illustrate my points. If it annoys you so much just question me by PM whatever and save the board's bandwidth! |
