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I am Bizunth's Inflamed Colon

Eloi Tsabaoth

13:02 / 16.08.04

As I pointed out in the Friday the 13th thread (maybe not the best place to announce this stuff) I've been hospitalised with Ulcerative Colitis, the most embarassing disease I could imagine, being as it revolves around constant painful incontinence. I've been in here for about two weeks, discounting the brief three day period when they discharged me thinking all was hunky-dory. At the moment any point when I'm not in pain seems like a good one, I'm jacked up on a cocktail of steroids, anti-inflammatories, painkillers and anti-coagulants and I have no clear indication when I'm getting out of here, if ever. Plus this is a lifelong condition. I hate to sound like I'm fishing for sympathy, but I'm feeling a little bit grumpy. I only found the internet access on Friday. I need some good old-fashioned Barbelove. And if anyone from the Temple wants to cook up some kind of sigil that would be lovely too.

Grey Area

13:09 / 16.08.04

Ouch! You have my sympathies, good sir. How much longer are they keeping you in? Are you going to have to make major lifestyle adjustments, like not eating certain stuff (curry springs to mind)?

Hattie's Kitchen

13:11 / 16.08.04

I'm clenching in sympathy - huggles from me to you and your delicate posterior, Bizunth.

Kit-Cat Club

13:21 / 16.08.04

Aw, Biz, how horrid for you. I have enormous sympathy (currently having a few problems with my digestive system but nowhere neaar as bad as yours...). Can we send you anything to cheer you up?

sleazenation

13:28 / 16.08.04

If its any consolation, even if you could get out of bed without recourse the painful incontinence, with the cocktail of drugs you are on you'd be totally disqualified from competing in the Olympics.

Spyder Todd 2008

13:42 / 16.08.04

But, if Bizunth's not fit for the Olympics, who will Barbelith cheer on in the explosive flatulence competition? We were all counting on him and his bowels!!!

grant

14:18 / 16.08.04

You know, I was just reading again this morning about the breakthrough they've made with treating IBS (including ulcerative colitis) with intestinal parasites. Pig whipworms, specifically.

This will probably rank up there with the weirdest questions ever to ask your doctor, but it might well be worth it.

It's officially called "helminthic therapy" and you'll sound less cracked if you print this or, better yet, this up to prove you're not loony.

Ariadne

14:22 / 16.08.04

Oh, biz, you poor thing. have you any idea how long you'll be in hospital?

Ariadne

14:23 / 16.08.04

oh, I'm sorry, NOW i read your post again. Poor you. Hope we can at least entertain you.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

16:12 / 16.08.04

Huggles, Biz. Lacking in medical knowledge, the only actual advice I can give is get well soon. But, y'know... huggles anyway.

Regrettable Juvenilia

16:21 / 16.08.04

Perhaps we could all come and visit you in the hospital. We could even break you out of the hospital, like in Star Trek IV, lots of other movies, or The OC. Of course, if you actually need continual medical attention then that would probably end badly, but it would be fun at the time. Just imagine: Haus in a white coat, pushing you (wrapped in bandages as a disguise) round the corridors at speed, shouting words like "stat!" at random orderlies. Awesome.

rizla mission

17:25 / 16.08.04

I would have thought the constant threat of incontinence would tend to undermine the jolly japery of a hospital breakout scenario.. but anyway..

Oh my god! I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament, Biz. It sounds absolutely hellish.. what a terrible thing to happen. Goes without saying that you (and all other sufferers I should imagine) have my deepest sympathies, and access to my full range of "oh god, how awful!" type empathetic grimaces.

Good luck!

sleazenation

17:50 / 16.08.04

As flyboy says - what hospital are you at? I find it all to easy to imagine haus running down corridors in his lab coat...

The Strobe

19:53 / 16.08.04

Yeah, but we'd also need Bones McCoy and his magic bottomless bag of LED-encrusted gadgetry.

Biz, this sucks in extremis. Hope it clears up enough to go home soon, and remains treatable for the forseeable future.

sleazenation

20:34 / 16.08.04

damn straight - there are cocktails that need drinking.

Spatula Clarke

20:54 / 16.08.04

Helminthic therapy, using worm eggs to treat patients with inflammatory bowel disorders

There y'go, Biz. If grant's links don't make you feel better, nothing will.

Cherielabombe

20:55 / 16.08.04

So sorry to hear about this, Biz! I don't even know what to say! Other than yeah what hospital are you at? if you have a dvd or video player I can bring you some comedies, because after all laughter is the best medicine. Of course I can't guarantee I'll bring any that you like, but I'll try..

Barbelove, bro...

_pin

22:23 / 16.08.04

Dude, that's well crappy.

Do you see? Do you?!

Times when other people need sympathy make me nervous.

Char Aina

22:29 / 16.08.04

*manly pat on shoulder*

may it be as painless as it can, dude.

Ariadne

08:05 / 18.08.04

A cure! Well, maybe - I just came across this on the BBC site.
BBC
Hope you're doing okay, Biz.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:28 / 18.08.04

PM me if you still want those Bobby Conn CDs, Biz... I'm sure I can get them to you either in hospital or while convalescing.

Bill Posters

16:54 / 18.08.04

Sheesh, sorry Biz, that's sounds perfectly horrid. I shall do magickal things for you, fear not.

Eloi Tsabaoth

19:44 / 24.08.04

Quick update: Still in hospital. Colon a stubborn bastard. Am now being put on new drugs. Still no release date. Have developed insanely carefree attitude and pitch black sense of humour as survival mechanism. Thanks everyone for your support. I'll get out of here one way or another...

sleazenation

20:18 / 24.08.04

but where are you?

Ariadne

20:28 / 24.08.04

Hi Biz, glad to see you online again. I do hope it all gets better soon.

Spyder Todd 2008

23:19 / 24.08.04

Well, that's it. We're gonna miss the Olmypics completely thanks to that stupid colon!

Eloi Tsabaoth

21:46 / 10.09.04

I'm out! After endless ups and downs, countless needles being stuck every which where, spending my birthday and my mum's birthday in there, and finally a slight upturn and four units of precious A positive, I have been released! 5 weeks of nightmarish confinement with my worst enemy... myself. Now they feel I can continue my recovery in a place that smells nice and has no mysterious stains on the ceilings. yet.
Thanks for all your support guys. Sorry I was too stupid to actually tell you I was in Ealing hospital. But I'm back, and plan to return to my old standby of posting once every two weeks to agree that yes, Spaced is very funny.

■

21:23 / 11.09.04

Which should remind us all to go and give blood very soon. Good luck with the nether regions. Hope it calms down eventually.

rizla mission

22:37 / 11.09.04

Excellent news!! I hereby raise a glass to your full recovery and continuation of life undisturbed by hideous shite diseases!

Mourne Kransky

01:53 / 12.09.04

Stay well, Bizunth. If it's any comfort, my dad developed Ulcerative Colitis in the 70's and thirty years later is a healthy old bastard of 70+ climbing mountains and enjoying life to the full. Yearly check ups is the only hassle, thanks to Salazopyrin (newly invented then) and watching his diet and having fun spending my inheritance, remarkable and much beloved old sod.

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