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Barbelith Avenue

 
  

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Sax
10:13 / 10.08.04
Barbelith Avenue, Barbetown, Barbeshire, B1.

It's pedestrianised, of course, although Sax has a special licence to drive his big gas-guzzling battered old Rover down it very slowly because as a journalist working for the Barbegazette two streets away he needs to be ready for action at all times. But don't worry, he parks it out of the way in a garage.

Oh look, there's Ganesh, sitting on a pile of soft cushions and crocheting next year's Big Brother banner. What a lovely clematis growing up his frontage.

Bengali can see the sea from her window. Especially if she's wearing her platforms.

Play nice outside Mr Fear's house, though - you know how cranky he can get if your ball goes in his yard.

Ah, there goes that nice Mr Loomis, smoking his pipe, his trilby at a jaunty angle, on his way to the shop around the corner.

Who else lives here?
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
10:17 / 10.08.04
Are you trying to suggest that Barbetown is in Birmingham?
 
 
Sax
10:19 / 10.08.04
It's everywhere. Like Xanth.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
10:24 / 10.08.04
The smell of baking wafts from the corner house. Seldom Killer, waiting on his latest batch of muffins, sits on his stoop.

He lazily passes a cloth across his grease-covered forehead, and continues tinkering with his bike, while Loomis and Ariadne look on admiringly.
 
 
Grey Area
10:32 / 10.08.04
At the north end of the street, Keggers, May Tricks, Baz Auckland and Captain Zoom tinker with their enormous, caterpillar-tracked Sno-Cat. Snowmelt off their vehicle and thick coats contributes to the slowly expanding puddle that surrounds these visitors from the far north.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
10:38 / 10.08.04
Xoc rests his feet on a stool after a hard morning at the sewing machines. The market for leather clad teddys is booming but there's always a moment or two for a draught and a nibble.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
15:28 / 10.08.04
The local school mistress Miss KitCat comes out of her chalet. A no-nonsense woman she is fiercly protective of her 'gels' and has been known to box the ears of any of the local lads who she judges to be interfering with their studies.
 
 
Warewullf
20:04 / 10.08.04
And there's our cheerful Mayor Tom, attending the offical opening our new sex shop!
Hi, Mayor!
 
 
the cat's iao
05:29 / 11.08.04
Sally Dammerung slides over to the group of Canadains. She glances behind her to make sure she's not being watched. Once she's sure her actions won't draw undue attention, she gives the group the uber secret Canadian handshake. Kegger's smiles at the greeting and hands over a package wrapped in brown paper. Inside the package is a pound of Canadain back bacon, a jug of genuine maple syrup, and a rattle made from the teeth of beavers which had died of natural causes.

Meanwhile, Lord Morgue has strutted on over to the Sno-Cat, and grins wide as he pulls out his dick and proceedes to write his name in some of the snow that has fallen to the ground from the massive vehicle.
 
 
wembley can change in 28 days
09:57 / 11.08.04
And here I thought this was a thread about Avenue Q.

[slap slap thumbwrestle knock knuckles tickle whee] to the Canadians and I'm in.
 
 
Sax
14:31 / 11.08.04
Is there a comic shop on our street?
 
 
sleazenation
14:35 / 11.08.04
there is if i have any say in the matter. Its next to the pub, which serves some wonderful porters and real ales...
 
 
Sekhmet
14:38 / 11.08.04
Cameron's Corner Comix! Has a big statue of Seaguy and Chubby out front.

That is, it does now. Lord Morgue burned down the old shop accidentally, with fireworks. But no one's mad about it.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
16:10 / 11.08.04
Over in the wasteground between the Big Skool maths dept. and Ye Old Cemetery, a long-haired figure mooches about in a worn leather jacket. Lurid Archive (for it is he) takes a swig from a much re-used squash-bottle full of Vodka'n'Tang and mumbles something about the Banach-Tarski Paradox.
 
 
sleazenation
20:45 / 11.08.04
And of course there is the big noxious chemical plant on the hill...
 
 
Saint Keggers
20:53 / 11.08.04
Pshaw! You can call it a big noxious chemical plant all you want. I prefer calling it Keggers Brew-O-Rama! You wont be complaining when those noxious fumes announce the next batch of Lil' Lith Lager.
 
 
uncle retrospective
21:57 / 11.08.04
Here's Riz and Stoatie trying to out-scare each other with noise Cd's no one else has heard of. Stoaties dog is looking worried...
 
 
uncle retrospective
21:58 / 11.08.04
How many mushrooms are in a can of Lil' Lith Lager by the way?
 
 
Papess
23:22 / 11.08.04
*sips some Lil 'Lith*

Oooh, the colours!
 
 
Saint Keggers
23:23 / 11.08.04
How many mushrooms are in a can of Lil' Lith Lager by the way?

Can? Can??? We use only bottles. And only stubbies too. No can after taste here.

Lil' 'Lith Lager has no mushrooms in it however it does contain over 17% Oompa Loompa and 23% Mugwump jism.
 
 
Lord Morgue
09:32 / 12.08.04
It wasn't me! It was the bad space monkey.

Anyone can be Lord Morgue...
 
 
illmatic
10:03 / 12.08.04
Suddenly a deafening cacophony fills the street. What is that incredible, otherworldly noise? A plane swooping low overhead? Another bomb attack from the barbhating extremists at the Daily Mail? No, it’s just Rizla’s Rocking Records opening for business – he’s had a man from the Council in the shop to warn him that the sub bass was in breach of Council regulations and killing local pets and wildlife but – silly fools – Riz couldn’t hear him. They’re looking for a sign language interpreter but until then the town's foundations will continue to quake to the sound of Anaal Nakrath and Blitzkreig Lipcream. In the afternoon, Jefe de Jefelaces and Flyboy will stop outside, taking their usual swoop through the “hood” (on their way to pick up Anna de Logadiere), in ‘Laces red Chevy Impala low-rider, for a kind of soundclash. The sounds of the hottest Garage MCs on exclusive dubplates especially mixed for ‘Laces will battle briefly with guitars as they laugh derisivly at all guitar geeks. Flyboy may start making gun gestures again if he’s particularly het up but no one takes him seriously.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
10:33 / 12.08.04
ahahahahahahaha.
Beautiful.


What very few people know is that Riz' emporium *has* to blast its music at earsplitting volume. He doesn't mind, of course.

If you're ever in the shop just before closing, (if so, I recommend you wear the concrete headphones Riz so thoughtfully provides, you might see something intriguing.

Look for a couple of shady characters loitering by the 'Dub for Demons' rack, idly flicking through the Jimmmy Cliff vinyl. It's usually pretty 'quiet' over there.

They're a striking pair: one is tall, casually, even scruffily dressed. You'll know him by his immacualate Adidas shell-toes. The other, short, sharp, suited. Brown pinstripe as offensive weapon. They're arguing good-naturedly about Mick Hucknall's funding of Blood and Fire.

You must make sure they don't know you're watching but you'll see them lean in towards the racks, pick up a lovers' rock compilation, lean through the racks and disappear.

You can circle the rack, but you won't find them. that's Illmatic and Gypsy, and they're the (fuck the)Moot.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
11:03 / 12.08.04
"It's a different Mick Hucknall! It must be!"
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:24 / 12.08.04
Is it just me, or with all this going on, can't Under Milk Wood just fuck right off?

It's that time again on Barbelith Avenue... the children crowd into Cameron's comic emporium, jostling for the best place, as sleazenation clears his throat and begins his latest lecture. For those not comically inclined, there will be post-lecture vegan treats cooked up by mono, and keggers, fresh from a day lording it up over the brewery, has been put in charge of organising a fight between a robot leopard and an Amish baboon.

And look! Over there's E Randy Dupre, the young activist who sometimes goes a little too far, lurking outside the spam factory with a suspicious package...
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
11:55 / 12.08.04
Well you may have a point there.

Which reminds me, the cabinetmaker left a delivery for you. Glass fronted with titanium filigree and a copper panel enscribed with "Hats From My "Friends".

will you be doing what I think you'll be doing with that?
 
 
Sax
12:24 / 12.08.04
Did the cabinetmaker bring his owls?
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
12:37 / 12.08.04
Never leaves home without them I understand.
 
 
Ganesh
20:28 / 12.08.04
never leaves home

outside

dirty

like owl pellets

.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
22:49 / 12.08.04
*admonishing tone*
now look what you've done.

Fortunately, I've just finished my shift at Barbs In Toyland, our local and premier sex/fetish shop.

So can fit 'nesh with this ball gag I happen to have for test purposes, before he gets out of hand.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
06:58 / 13.08.04
I wouldn't worry too much apparently the 'Nesh has staying pow....


Oh, you mean like that then.

Right ho.

You'll see I have my coat.
 
 
Saint Keggers
14:03 / 13.08.04
Just to let you all know...The Amish Baboon won the fight. It was a most unexpected win for our simian friend. The match began with the baboon freaking out at all the technology. It then signed the words "Im still trying to deal with zippers and you send me here???" It was starting to look grim for the Amish chimp, the leopard getting AB in a chokehold and using its laser tail appendage (At least I think it was its tail)to burn away 1/8 of the baboons face. Things changed in the 5th round when the Baboon, still stuggling with its facial obliteration, hurled a fistull of fearsome fecees at the Robot causing a short circuit and ending the Bots dreams of being anything more than spare parts for a toaster.
The baboon is recovering and with plastic surgery will be as good as new..but still smelling of fecees.
 
 
Sax
14:18 / 13.08.04
What's this on the lamp-post... why, it's a planning notice, pasted up by Phil Quorum, the man from the council. It says... *gasp*.

They want to build a Starbucks on our street!
 
 
Saint Keggers
14:37 / 13.08.04
Bah! Its not like they could get anyone here to work there.
 
 
Gypsy Lantern
14:39 / 13.08.04
If you stand at the south end of Barbelith Avenue, put your ear to the ground and listen really carefully, you might be able to hear the tortuous screams and agonising groans coming from Bengali in Platform's 'Counselling Dungeon'. A unique and innovative establishment that fuses humanist counselling with severe BDSM punishment.
 
  

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