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I met this chick, right, like, 4 years ago..we just exchanged glances, we never even talked. Then, I saw her at a party last october, I was drunk, and made a pass at her. The thing is, she rejected me because (as she told a buddy of mine) she was coming out of a bad breakup and was feeling pretty bad.
So, I didn't see her again till february or so... we saw each other a couple of times, I wasn't sure what to do (I didn't know why she had rejected me till some time after this) so I just tried to make a situation analysis, just check things out for future reference. Plus, I wasn't drunk those few times, and I'm only a charming bastard when I'm pissed.
So I started chatting with her on the net a couple of weeks ago, and she seemed interested in me. Then I asked her out, went to the park, just trying to get to know each other, you know? Then, yesterday, we went out again, for coffee, and we had a MOMENT. You know, when something's supposed to happen? Like, kissing and stuff? Well, the thing is, I'm a moron. Really, I am. Ask anyone.
We were discussing Kafka's parable (the one about the gatekeeper) and she said it could mean that you just had to act, instead of talking all the time. And she looked at me funny. But because I'm a dumb bastard, I didn't realize that was it, the "MOMENT" had come. I just kept on talking.
When I got home, I wanted to kill myself.
Now I don't know what to do, I don't want to wait another week till I see her again (we're both pretty busy)..I can't leave it at that either. If I don't act now, I fear she'll get tired of waiting for me. SO I thought about calling her tomorrow, just to see her for a few minutes, and talk.
I want to be honest for at least one time in my life and tell her what I feel, or just kiss her. But I NEED to tell her that I want to be with her. I'm not afraid of rejection, I know she likes me, I even got some feedback from her friends...I'm actually afraid of changing my life. I want to, but I always end up sabotaging myself.
If you've read this far and think that I'm a loser but one that would be worth helping, please, give me some advice.
I just need someone to tell me if what I plan to do feels right to you, or suggest me how I should talk to her, since I'm a repressed fucker and I'm not very good with those kinds of conversations--
So, help me, please! |
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