Well, I've never posted anything in this particular section of Barbelith so I suppose the time has come to pop my proverbial cherry.
Basically, I feel that, when one begins to change on a mental level, it helps to change one's fashion sense also (as above, so below). Before I went to college the clothes I wore were very ordinary and boring... What I really wanted to look like were the goth/punk black-clad outsiders who I felt I had a lot in common with, just I didn't "look" the part. I was worried at the time about how my classmates and my family would perceive such a change (also, keep in mind I was bullied a lot in Middle School, so trying my best not to stand out and draw attention to myself was the order of the day). But, when I got to college and I realized I was a stranger there, that no one knew who I was, I realized I was free of other people's perceptions of me so I could dress however I wanted.
This entailed basically buying standard goth fair: black band t-shirts of groups like Siouxsie & the banshees, Bauhaus, you get the idea. Later on I decided to go a bit beyond that and I began dabbling with jewelry, that is, skull necklaces, spiked bracelets, spider rings, what not... I even got black boots and a long black trenchcoat with one sleeve artistically shreaded up by moi. Granted it sounds silly and cliche in retrospect, but at the time it was very liberating and exciting, dressing like that and exploring this (for me) new subculture. I liked the way I look.
However, as the years went on my enthusiasm with the black-clad look faded. This occured around the time I graduated college and went back to living at home. By this point everyone I knew was used to me dressing in black, so it just became a habit. But I don't really like the style as much anymore... Wearing all these goth-type shirts, to me, now feels false, like I really am posing. I feel the need to dress a new way, to enhance the new transformation I'm currently undergoing.
My only problem is I'm literally fashion clueless, so I have no idea about anything outside of t-shirts and jeans. I suppose my first priority should be adding some color to my wardrobe... When I was at Hot Topic I saw a pink t-shirt that said "Pink is the New Black". I thought "Hey, that would be a good slogun for me" (didn't buy the shirt though). Inspired, I purchased a bright green t-shirt depicting the Super Mario Bros. mushroom 1-up icon (I love old Nintendo games). Nothing earth shattering but I suppose it's a good start to adding some color to my wardrobe. Some of my black shirts I will still ALWAYS hold dear to me though...Like the afore-mentioned Siouxsie & the Banshees t-shirt.
I guess I'm just not sure how I want to look. On one hand, I want to thread that fine line between looking interesting and looking nonsensical. I suppose what I really want to look like is more androgynous, but I don't really have the right type of body for that (too hairy)... Maybe Pandrogynous. I'd like to mix male and female fashions together or something, but the whole idea is still nebuolous. At the same time, however, I want there to be a bit of a punk edge to it also (as I'll always have an interest in the underground and the "dark" side of existence), as I'd like to look more effeminate, just in a not stereotypical way, if that makes sense. Bah! Now I know why I rarely post here. |
