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Real Life- My Mum is my Dad

 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
09:44 / 02.08.04
Did anyone else catch this, hidden away at bedtime on a Sunday night? A genuinely decent documentary about two m-to-fs and the difficulties this caused with their families, Stephenie, who had to divorce her wife and leave the family home before she was allowed to transition, it's difficult to say without the input of her ex-wife but the clear impression I got was that the family were ready and willing to accept her coming back to them in some way after the transition but she decided to take the opportunity to almost completely leave them and go and do her own thing, with post-rationalisation after to allow her to live with it (after all, what does being the biggest success she could be have to do with being there for her family when the kids get grief when her secret is out?).

Then there was Sheryl, who's eldest son especially was hostile before slowly coming round. The family unit has managed to stay together but she wants bottom surgery and, as the film closed, had just been given a possible green light and was happy. The thing I remember is her wife Bernadette who, although she initially moved out, has returned to the family home. The film closes on a shot of her face after she's talking about Sheryl facing this surgery in which there's a chance she might die due to blood clots developing because she's overweight. Though it's clear they don't sleep together any more the prospect of surgery seemed to give her another shock in terms of this being another stage in a journey away from her husband. I suspect that when the kids are older and have moved out then they'll both be splitting up.

Not what you'd expect from ITV at all...
 
 
Ex
10:06 / 02.08.04
I was, as ever, tense and nervous about the whole thing but I found it quite interesting and nicely handled. The contrast of two families - Sheryl as a very present, hands-on parent and Stephanie as a fairly distant one - meant that it was firmly grounded in contrasts - there was no way of saying 'Oh, look, all transwomen do X'.

I was very interested in the changing models of transition open to the two women. I did wonder how much the requirement Stephanie described (that she remove herself totally from her role as 'father' during her transition) affected how she approached her subsequent life; was she always an enormous go-getter, or has she developed that as a result of the requirements placed on her?
It again made me think (in tandem with the current Head Shop thread) about the stories that are set up around transexuality. Now there's a narrative where you can stay within your family and still get NHS treatment - how will that change people's experiences of family? It reminded me, for some reason, of the difference between old and more recent adoption models (probably because I feel as though there are overlaps around the ideas of family and identity) - 'clean break' versus continuity.

Only really one annoying point - Stephanie putting on makeup. Every bloody documentary about trans issues, intersex or any other 'unusual' gender situation, the women have to spend hours in front of the mirror donning the slap with a moody voiceover. I'm not saying that Stephanie doesn't wear slap - it's just getting to be a motif.
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
11:19 / 02.08.04
Well, they had both of them doing it didn't they? I got the feeling that Stephanie was very controlling by how much of her life she let the documentary makers film, so they chose that for both of them as generic eye candy to cover for the general voiceover material. Hopefully if they do and f-to-m they'll have them welding a car or something...
 
  
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