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Underground > Switchboard >

Blunkett fnords the country.

13:57 / 25.07.04

The new "Protect and Survive"?

Madman in the ruins.

17:09 / 25.07.04

Damm Nobodys girl beat me to it.

Exactly what I was thinking, and I think 20 year's later the Protect and Survive pamphlet is looked upon not as a extermeny usefull Urban Survival guide to Nuclear Attack but as a piece of useless propoganda giving anyone who follwed the instructions a snowballs chance in hell. (When the Wind Blows anyone?)

This latest piece of "Stockpile Bog roll, Water and Beans and let the Govemrnt sort out those nasty terrosists" almost mde me fall of my chair in disbelif. Apart from it being nothing more than common sense it's also a-

a. Admission that if a Terroist group decided to attack somewhere in the UK with a Chem/Bio weapon then the infastucture cant respond and cope effectively.
b. Yet another reminder that "THE REAL ENEMY IS THE TERRORIST" Yawn. and yes one day we will find those pesky WMD's
c. Misdrection to keep the middle classes occoupied and stop them thinking about the state of the country.
d. All of the above.

I'm sorry if I sound cynicall but I am. The closest i've ever come to Terroism is when the IRA detonated a bomb in Warrington Town center. And everbody had a "It couldnt happen here....But it did" type attitude for a few years later.

00:34 / 26.07.04

Why don't they just fuck off.

pointless and uncalled for

06:26 / 26.07.04

I love my boss.

07:32 / 26.07.04

The subtly cynical BBC reporting of this fills me with joy. Did anyone notice the picture used to represent the tinned goods people are supposed to be stocking up on?

Joy.

Apart from that... ohforgod'ssake. *Sigh*...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

07:50 / 26.07.04

And the last British Spam factory closed down last year... vested interests, anyone? Is it the pesky French? Do they have Spam? WHY would they have Spam? They have proper food.

Personally, I'm with you all on the scaremongering front. Nobody listens when they play the "heightened warnings/increased terrorist chatter" card anymore, because they do it ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So they're trying something different.

Other than that, I LOVE these things. I've got a few really ace books from the 80s on surviving nuclear war- they make an interesting read, and some of the naivete therein is immensely touching.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

11:16 / 26.07.04

This thread could possibly do with a slightly more informative and useful title...

So, the Government's Summer of 'there's nothing to worry about but, do you know who your neighbours are?' begins this evening with telly adverts preparing the way for their 'Preparing for Emergencies' leaflets to be delivered next month. The accompanying website is here.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:59 / 26.07.04

"Go in, stay in, tune in"???

Roughly translated- "shut the fuck up and watch more telly".

23:05 / 26.07.04

Looks like they really wanna up the amount of fear energy that's going around the place doesn't it? I really want to think of something nasty to say about the government but i just can't be bothered anymore.

Brigade du jour

02:51 / 27.07.04

'S ok Banana, I'll say something for you.

How about - "Fuck them. Fuck them up their stupid asses. And when they've had enough of that ... make them read their stupid pamphlet. In Aramaic. Upside down. Still being fucked up their stupid, stupid asses."

Scrubb is on a downward spiral

08:05 / 27.07.04

Jesus cocking Christ - have just downloaded this. And I quote (from the Helping to prevent a terrorist attack section...):

Terrorists need a place to live: Are you suspicious about any tenants or guests?

I just...well. Yes. I have no words or syntax.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:54 / 27.07.04

Fear your neighbours. FEAR THEM! If they're not terrorists, they're probably nonces anyway. FEAR THE FUCKERS!!!

Meanwhile... stay indoors. WATCH TV. (That part's important).

Have I forgotten anything?

Oh yeah. BUY STUFF. LOTS OF STUFF. FILL YOUR BASEMENT WITH STUFF AGAINST THAT TERRIBLE DAY WHEN YOU CAN NO LONGER BUY STUFF.

Oh just fuck off.

Did I mention I'm really looking forward to getting my leaflet?

09:33 / 27.07.04

My favourite moments:

"If a bomb goes off in your building, look for the safest way out."

"Of course, there are always going to be particular occasions when you should not “go in” to a building, for example if there is a fire"

I'm not in to eugenics but surely if you need this information you aren't going to be surving in any post-apocalyptic world.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:49 / 27.07.04

So when do we actually get 'em? Anyone had theirs yet? I'm checking my mail excitedly like a kid whose birthday's on the way.

pointless and uncalled for

11:32 / 27.07.04

The news has used the stock answer of "within the coming weeks".

Which is a way of the news reporting that it's coming by mail and we watched teh C4 documentary as well.

I have a hotline number that I have to call if my office gets bombed outside of working hours to see where else I have to go to do my job.

I guess if it gets bombed while I'm at work then I'll be told as I roll around on the ground outside trying to put out the flames.

13:06 / 27.07.04

"Practice stumbling about aimlessly, crying and muttering to yourself and vainly searching for batteries for your flashlight. Do this enough times and you'll be better prepared than most people" -- Book Of the Subgenius, "End O' The World Drill"

That page mentioned above also links to a .pdf of the pamphlet. Is there a UK equivalent of Somethingawful.com where somebody will Photoshop it nice and proper?

flufeemunk effluvia

14:16 / 27.07.04

A cant help but think of the million parodies of the American ready.gov.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

16:20 / 27.07.04

The leaflets are due to be shipped out to everyone during August.

17:55 / 27.07.04

First one I've seen so far - apparently the government weren't that pleased, so check it out while it's still up.

08:31 / 28.07.04

Only two days, not bad!

Elsewhere on the guy's web page, I see that it's less than two months to Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day. And, free-associating by way of The Register, I'll bet if someone wrote a virus that did nothing but set up a resident program that filtered ALL typed text into pirate argot that day only, they'd be a legend.

But I didn't see anything about that kind of emergency in the preparedness pamphlet.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

13:38 / 28.07.04

Strangely enough, at about 5 this morning, Fridge's link stopped working (I know this cause I emailed it to a whole bunch of people in my office, and at about that time someone emailed me with "the fuckers have shut it down already! And I hadn't read it yet"). Not sure if it was just being accessed by too many people or what, but it appears to be back on.

And it truly is awesome. I want a print version, so I can walk the streets of Hackney putting it through people's letterboxes.

Whale... Whale... Fish!

15:22 / 28.07.04

Damn right! If you do Hackney, I'll hand them out in Dundee!

09:54 / 29.07.04

Fridge that link is excellent, and credit to him for not taking it down when he got contacted by the government.

Where's their sense of humour gone? What? They never had one?

Whale... Whale... Fish!

10:29 / 05.08.04

I got my booklet today!

I feel so much safer in the knowledge that the government is taking vague action to protect me and has sent me this booklet.

I think I'm going to request an audio tape version...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

14:27 / 05.08.04

Still not got mine... better hope dem pesky terrorists hold off for a few more days, eh?

Whale... Whale... Fish!

09:52 / 06.08.04

I wonder if any "terrorist" acts can be carried out with these booklets, I mean say if we were all to request our maximum booklet allowance (5 copies - personally I feel the audio tape version would be the most fun and the best value for money, although the braille one would probably be best suited to the task)and once our 5 copies arrive, we then post our 5 copies (plus the one that HM Government so thoughtfully and consideratly sent us to re-assure us that we can also join the fight against terrorism through stock-piling tesco value mushy peas and informing on our neighbours) to David Blunkett with the words "fuck off, you twat" printed on them in braille, do you think he'll get the message?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:12 / 09.08.04

I just got mine!

I feel much safer just having it in the house, actually. In fact, two of them got shoved through our letterbox, so I feel im-fucking-pregnable!!!

And do you know, it had never occurred to me that "terrorist bomb attacks mostly happen in public places"? Because up till now, I've been of the opinion that if these people WANT to be terrorists, well then that's just fine AS LONG AS THEY DO IT IN THE PRIVACY OF THEIR OWN HOMES.

Whale... Whale... Fish!

12:56 / 09.08.04

I sincerly hope that you are going to request your 5 additional copies, Stoatie. Especially, the audio version. Think what would happen if terrorists attack during the night. How would you read your booklet?! It is in situations like that when you'd regret not sending away for it...

00:48 / 12.08.04

5x audio tape...5 free tapes? Thanks davie!

01:31 / 12.08.04

I flicked through it and saw something like "If you see someone seriously injured ring 999", and i thought it was taking the piss so i put it back down.

19:16 / 12.08.04

Oh wow, the tape version is surely going to be sample-tastic..

02:19 / 13.08.04

Oh wow, the tape version is surely going to be sample-tastic..

Genius idea! Pleasepleaseplease let there be someone with the know-how to mix up a "Preparing for Emergencies" track be reading this.

01:19 / 19.08.04

My mate and I are already on the case.

Re-e-mer-gen-cy.