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Need party co-host in, oh, three hours.

  
 
fluid_state
19:33 / 10.07.04
I'm throwing a party tonight. A friend of mine called last week and mentioned that she'd like to throw a surprise party for her fiancee (who happens to be my oldest friend), but, y'know, she didn't have anywhere to hold it. So I suggested a couple friends who might be willing, but they were obviously not what she had in mind. Hence, my place, which was, up till yesterday, covered in dirty dishes, 227 lbs. of comic books, DVDs, tendrils of mechanical Lego, computer equipment, and the remnants of two weeks of take-out, which I suspect had achieved a rudimentary sentience.

It has also fallen on me to not only provide the venue, but the food, drinks, party favors, and gracious hospitality to at least one person whom I'd rather throw off my balcony. I'm kind of hoping I'll get that chance, but that would make me a pretty shitty host. Not that I'm not well on my way there. I've spent a ridiculous amount of money on food and supplies, and am still missing certain essentials (wine, plate-like objects, level surfaces, unoffensive odours). Half the guest list is unknown to me. My refridgerator stopped working about yesterday sometime (hence the delightful aroma emanating from my kitchen, giving the entire apartment the feel of a cretaceous cesspool).

My girlfriend, who is a total superhero when it comes to this stuff, has gone out of town to see her folks for a summer barbecue. I was invitied, had to turn it down, causing problems for her vis-a-vis her family and their growing feeling that I don't really like them. I like 'em fine, and I should have just spent my weekend in scenic Belleville and avoided all this.

I've got about 3 hours before people start showing early, excepting the guy who showed up last night with three cans of beer and profuse apologies. I am ready to kill the first thing that walks through my door by force-feeding them pineapple spears and battered zucchini sticks.

In short, I'm looking for someone to share my shame, to furtively enjoy the vaguely horrified expressions on the faces of tonight's guest-victims. Any takers? Or advice, even? (suggestions, advice, open mockery, and unsolicited insults will be read as complicity in the comic travesty I, nay, WE are about to embark upon)
 
 
Jub
22:55 / 10.07.04
oh dear.

sounds like a mess Solid state! how are you coping? Has it kicked off yet, or are you reading this post-party?
 
 
fluid_state
18:57 / 11.07.04
post party. It turned out much better than I thought. A good time was had by all, thanks in no small part to friend's fiancee, who was a superhero all her own for the second half of the party. She made sure all the fatty treats got served so I could socialize. The only camera anyone had to use was mine, so there's about half a 256Mb card full of photos (many of which, near the end of the night when there were only ten people left, involve me presumably looking like a smashed fool. I say presumably, because I'm not going to look at them for a good long time). The den and bedroom are still spotless, like I just cleaned them, which is a little freaky. The kitchen looks like Gamera came by, drank about 152 litres of varied booze, and curled up in the fridge and passed out. I have enough empty beer bottles to pay for someone's university tuition. I still have pot, which is unbelievable. There is not a drop of unconsumed alcohol anywhere, excepting 2 botles of champagne, which don't really count. Me bitching over a lack of wine was totally unnecessary. Had crazy dreams afterwards too, and only a mini hangover. My friend loved his party, so it turns out I was worried for nothing. The person I didn't want to see didn't show, and my brother did. In fact, the only real problem would be that my right arm has been somehow rendered useless, bereft of strength and all tingly and gimpy. weird.
 
  
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