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Okay, first of all, let's nobody overreact. It's possible that this is some kind of prank that my dad is pulling because I didn't send him a father's day card. The thing is, though, as you may know, my father is Donald Rumsfeld. I think Barbelith may be the target of a vast right wing conspiracy.
Fact: Barbelith is a vital opinion-shaping nexus.
Fact: Mine is a voice of reason and compassion.
Fact: Donald Rumsfeld, my father, is an asshole who hates reason and compassion, hates Barbelith, and hates me.
Okay, no, Donald Rumsfeld is not really my father, but something weird is going on and I think it has something to do with Donald Rumsfeld. It would make things easier if Donald Rumsfeld had a reason to hate me.
Fact: I googled myself yesterday and discovered that someone is using my ficsuit to make me look like an asshole! I mean, "Sly Qalyn"? "Able Frotter"? What sort of person chooses names like that? Why would I want to eat a lemon, for god's sake?
My hypothesis is this: Some rightwing thinktank has identified Barbelith as a hotbed of egalitarian, anti-fascist thinking that sends shockwaves of liberty out into the wider culture. They have identified me as a catalytic influence on the formation of Barbelith's opinion and policy. In other words, they rightly deduced that I am one of those Secret Invisible King of the World types. They hacked my password, possibly by observing me at the library or at Starbucks, and began to impersonate me. Probably at first it was just little things--being nice to haus, agreeing with Flyboy, flirting with May Tricks, being snippy with Xoc (where the heck is Xoc?)--and now my character has been completely degraded. There's no way of knowing who I am and how I am influencing Barbelith.
From this point forward, you should be very careful when dealing with me, because I may be me or I may be some spook in a bunker somewhere. A Federal Boob Inspector, possibly. When it is me, I am always kind and self-deprecating and reasonable, and I invent trenchant phrases like "beef epic" and "silent zinfandel!". When it is not me... well, I shouldn't make it too obvious, or They will just take another tack. And you should google yourself, just to be on the safe side.
Trust No One. |
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