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Barbelith Summer Songwriting Festival

 
  

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8===>Q: alyn
14:29 / 22.06.04
Here's my entry:

Now you’re lookin’ at a man that’s gettin’ kind-a mad
I had lot’s of luck but it’s all been bad
No matter how I struggle and strive
I’ll never get out of this world alive.

My fishin’ pole’s broke the creek is full of sand
My woman run away with another man
No matter how I struggle and strive
I’ll never get out of this world alive.

A distant uncle passed away and left me quite a batch
And I was livin’ high until that fatal day
A lawyer proved I wasn’t born, I was only hatched.

Ev’rything’s agin’ me and it’s got me down
If I jumped in the river I would prob’ly drown
No matter how I struggle and strive
I’ll never get out of this world alive.

These shabby shoes I’m wearin’ all the time
Are full of holes and nails
And brother if I stepped on a worn out dime
I bet a nickel I could tell you if it was heads or tails.

I’m not gonna worry wrinkles in my brow
’cause nothin’s ever gonna be alright nohow
No matter how I struggle and strive
I’ll never get out of this world alive.

I could buy a sunday suit and it would leave me broke
If it had two pair of pants I would burn the coat
No matter how I struggle and strive
I’ll never get out of this world alive.

If it was rainin’ gold I wouldn’t stand a chance
I wouldn’t have a pocket in my patched up pants
No matter how I struggle and strive
I’ll never get out of this world alive.
 
 
sleazenation
14:31 / 22.06.04
No other entries so far - what happens if you win?
 
 
pomegranate
22:29 / 22.06.04
he does that kind of thing all the time to himself.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
19:09 / 23.06.04
Now I will cry.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
19:30 / 23.06.04
"Turn Me On"

Oh, baby, when I see you,
you make my brain expand
it doesn't really matter
if you're a woman or a man
because as we all know,
sex is all in the mind
oh, baby, baby please
show me a sign

oooh-oooooooooh-ooh-ooooooooh
you turn me on
(on, on, on, on)
oooh-oooooooooh-ooh-ooooooooh
you turn me on
(on, on, on, on)

androgyny is such a perfect thing
the best of both worlds
you make me wanna sing:
"hallelujah, thank the Goddess,
some one understands me!"
you've read books by Howard Zinn
and Noam Chomsky!

oooh-oooooooooh-ooh-ooooooooh
you turn me on
(on, on, on, on)
oooh-oooooooooh-ooh-ooooooooh
you turn me on
(on, on, on, on)

on that special night
when we laid upon your bed
you spoke of gender roles
and you looked to me and said:

"gender is a false dichotomy,
we can be what we want to be,
live out our kinkiest fantasy,
we shall achieve ecstasy"

and at that point it occurred to me
how much you mean to me
but I cannot commit, you see
unless you're into polyamory

oooh-oooooooooh-ooh-ooooooooh
you turn me on
(on, on, on, on)
oooh-oooooooooh-ooh-ooooooooh
you turn me on
(on, on, on, on)
 
 
Sax
19:32 / 23.06.04
I want to marry a Head Shop poster
Keep hir company
I want to marry a Head Shop poster
Talk about theory.

Erm, that's it, so far.
 
 
40%
01:50 / 24.06.04
Ugh Flux, you and the English language should never be allowed within a hundred yards of each other.
 
 
Ex
09:35 / 24.06.04
An overly harsh assessment of Flux's epithalamium to the epicene.
But: can I second the idea that one should be able to get restraining orders to keep people away from language?

"Sonny. You were loitering within forty feet of that verb and making menacing gestures. Now put the adjective down on the floor and slide it to us slowly..."

[/threadrot]
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
09:42 / 24.06.04
What disturbs me most is that Flux wrote that when he was 13 and later recited it at a tri-state spelling bee which resulted in his disqualification.
 
 
The Knights Templar Boogie Machine
09:49 / 24.06.04
(In the style of david tibet)

Current 90p ...

BYZANTIUM FLOWERS
UNDER A CROONING DOGS FACE
THIS BARREN STARRE
IN DESOLATE SPACE

OVER MENSTRUAL SEA
AND DEEP IN THE ROCKS
BINDED BY TIME
SLEEP WATCHING BEASTS

CRACKS IN SKIN,
LIKE A RIVER THATS RUN ITS COURSE
THE IDES OF MARCH, SHOW NO REMORSE
TEMPESTUOUS FORCES, BREATH THEIR OLD REFRAIN
WHILE DEEP IN THE FURNACE, THERE IS NO PAIN
AND STILL WE ALL, PLAY THIS GAME...

(ACOUSTIC FADE)





From the 'In menstrual swindon a young nodding folk accosted me and asked me if i wanted to buy a big issue' ep..World Platypus records 1994....
 
 
Bed Head
09:50 / 24.06.04
I’m hearing Flux’s song as sung by Joe Pesci in his best wiseguy voice. It’s not the kind of thing I’d go out and buy, but if it was sung in a nightclub I wouldn’t dare complain.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
12:46 / 24.06.04
"Shall I Never (Have You?)"

every night I see you
we work at the same Applebees
I am the night manager
you are my fry cook queen
at the end of the evening,
after you punch out and leave,
you go home to your punk rock boyfriend
and I go home and weep

shall I never have you?
will you never really notice me?
am I just a boss to you?
or do you secretly love me?

maybe I'm just a creep, a loser
a dork in his late thirties
you are a flame haired goddess
no older than twenty-three
I want to share with you my wisdom
teach you things you can't learn or see
at your fancy shmancy classes
at the college of the community

shall I never have you?
will you never really notice me?
am I just a boss to you?
or do you secretly love me?

oh, no, no, no, no,
I will always be alone
oh, no, no, no, no, no
I call you and hang up the phone
oh, no, no, no, no,
I'm in a misery zone
oh, no, no, no, no, no
I will always be alone
 
 
Persephone
13:09 / 24.06.04
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah --oops-- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
 
 
Ethan Hawke
13:49 / 24.06.04
"MiseryZone" should be a goth boyband.
 
 
VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering
14:21 / 24.06.04
UH HUH

(Turgid riff in A)

I Gotta

UH

NIGHTMARE VISIOOOONNN

Of a

DEVIL WO-MAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!!!

(romping rollicking Iron Maiden-y beat)

(solo)

(another solo)

HUHNH

(solo)

TEMPTRESS!!
SEDUCER!!
OOOOFF!!

(fast bit)

(solo)

SHAWOAH!!

(end)
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
15:24 / 24.06.04
Nice attitude to bring to a festival, 7 beats to the whatever! I'll give you 7 beats in the kidneys!

I gotta say, Flux, your lyrics are kickin but it's hard to top Sax's killer drum solo. You're neck and neck!

Who will I make out with next!?!
 
 
rizla mission
16:50 / 24.06.04
I'm deeply worried by the fact that I think Flux's songs are pretty good.

Serve it with a grin and some stupid dur-dur-dur-dur-dur pop-punk, I'd buy it.

Maybe Busted can sing that last one for their reunion album in 20 years time, it would be just perfect.
 
 
grant
18:13 / 24.06.04
Actually, I just wrote a song based on a Barbelith post, but it's not particularly funny, and definitely can't defeat Flux in a lyrical battle. It's from that post back in the Break Ups thread a couple months back, the one I said someone should convert to lyrics. If I get a decent recording done, I'll post it up here somewhere.
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
18:44 / 24.06.04
"I Want A Good Man"

I want, I want a good man
a man like Ghandi
he was so sexy

I want a guy like him
I'd give him all my lovin'
even when he's thin
from being on his hunger strike
he'd take me out on his motorbike!
oh yeah!
alright!
so good!
so fine!

Nelson, Nelson Mandella
he fought for freedom
I want to bone him

I want a dude who really cares
about the world, not just my underwear
he'd fight for what is right
he'd give me lovin' all through the night
oh yeah!
alright!
so good!
so fine!

I want a good man!
la la la la la
I want a good man!
la la la la la
 
 
Sax
18:54 / 24.06.04
Mister Fantastic

Looking for Mister Fantastic?
Might find Doctor Doom
Won't find Mister Fantastic
In a crowded room

You're so narrow-minded
You say I'm not your type
Won't find Mister Fantastic
You only read the hype

(chorus)
I'm not a thing made of rocks and bricks
You can break my heart
You can break my heart
Burning up with desire for you
Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart
Right in two

Looking for Mister Fantastic?
You should have a change
How many Mister Fantastics
Are really Doctor Strange?

Looking for Mister Fantastic
I'm not invisible, girl
Stretch your imagination
Give it a whirl

(chorus)
I'm not a thing made of rocks and bricks
You can break my heart
You can break my heart
Burning up with desire for you
Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart
Right in two

(Middle eight)

I know I'm no superhero
I know I'm no Miracle Man
Why not choose a normal guy
Just because you can?

Looking for Mister Fantastic?
If no-one else will do
I guess I'll fly away
And good luck to you

(chorus)
I'm not a thing made of rocks and bricks
You can break my heart
You can break my heart
Burning up with desire for you
Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart

(chorus)
I'm not a thing made of rocks and bricks
You can break my heart
You can break my heart
Burning up with desire for you
Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart
Right in two

Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart
Don't break my heart
In twoooooooooooooo

**

That's an actual proper song recorded by the mighty Choppersquad. Of which I was the singer. And I wrote that. So it's copyright to Choppersquad. Except the bits which are copyright to Marvel Comics, of course, and to Neil Gaiman or Todd McFarlane or Alan Moore or Dez Skinn or somebody.

Goes down well live, too.
 
 
Michelle Gale
18:58 / 24.06.04
I'm talkin bout the rocket!
The rocket of love!
y'know baby, what i'm thinkin of!
Yeah the rocket !
Yes its true,
Coming through the night and into you!
____________

Uh!
Yeah!
who?
Oh!
UH!
You!
 
 
40%
21:24 / 24.06.04
I'll give you 7 beats in the kidneys!

You won't, I assure you, but feel free to try...
 
 
VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering
08:25 / 25.06.04
Rhythmic Vigor:

We should start a band.

You have tight satin trousers, right?
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:52 / 25.06.04
Looking for Mister Fantastic?

For some reason I'm hearing that as Sax doing 'Boombastic'-era Shaggy.

Not pretty.
 
 
Sax
12:48 / 25.06.04
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, baybee.
 
 
rizla mission
16:07 / 25.06.04
Bits of Sax's song sound a bit like a rip-off of "I Ain't No Miracle Worker"..
 
 
Michelle Gale
17:54 / 25.06.04
hella yeah VKUK them boys are tight, (...wink) , but what should we be called?
I'm reckonin "THE INFINITY MOTHERS". holla!
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
18:40 / 25.06.04
Knights Templar Boogie Machine's is ace.

Although you do realise, KTBM, I'm gonna read ALL of your posts in David Tibet's voice?
 
 
rizla mission
19:54 / 25.06.04
Ok folks, I'd like to introduce Mr. Matchbox Finial on synthesisers, and present to you a little song I wrote about tough times in the city in the desert... LOVE IN A VEGAS CASINO.

a1-2-3-4,

There's photo pinned behind the minibar
up in suite 8-0-2
of a performing ape in a velvet suit
and darlin he reminds me of you

That ape's name was Michael
I'm told he died in the Korean war
and making a monkey act the soldier baby
well it's against international law

ohho, love in a Vegas casino baby
it ain't like love elsewhere
by the time my shift is up, you'll be shit outta luck
and we'll both be losin our hair

I used to live in the desert baby
my lovers were the stars overhead,
but Polaris and Capella don't write anymore
and the rest of them think I am dead

Since I've found home under these bright lights
my lovers have come two by two
they're still queuing when the sun comes up
and they're all richer than you

oh this is love in a Vegas casino baby,
and I think I might just be in love with you
but if you ain't got an ace behind that poker face
you better find someone else to screw

I know it's confusing, and I know it ain't right
but what else are we gonna do
cos we're both in this for the money and let me tell you honey;
together we're just born to lose!
 
 
Papess
13:39 / 26.06.04
Sax: I cannot get that "headshop poster" ditty out of my head.

Damn you.

...I want to marry a headshop poster...

Pure Evil.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
14:44 / 26.06.04
Is Flux allowed three entries? I'm sure that's cheating and cheating is wrong.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
19:58 / 26.06.04
It's not cheating if you get away with it:

Country music singers
have always been a real close family,
but lately some of my kin folks
have disowned a few others and me.
I guess its because
I kinda changed my direction.
I guess I went and broke the family tradition

They get on me and want to know,
Why do you drink?
Why do you blow smoke?
Why must you live out all those songs that you wrote?
Over and over,
everyone makes my prediction,
so if I get stoned
I'm just carryin'
on an old family tradition.

I am very proud
of my daddy's name,
Although his kinda music
and mine ain't exactly the same.
Stop and think it over,
Put yourself in my position.
If I get stoned and sing all night long,
it's a family tradition.

So please don't ask me,
why do you drink?
Why do you blow smoke?
Why must you live out all those songs that you wrote?
If I'm down in a Honky-Tonk and
Some ol' slick's tryin to give me corrections
I'll say, "Leave me alone.
"I'm singin all night long.
"It's a family tradition"

Lord, I have loved me some ladies
and I have loved Jim Beam
and they both tried to kill me
in 1993.
When that doctor asked me,
"Son, how did you get in this condition?"
I said, "Hey sawbones! I'm just carryin on
an old family tradition."

So please don't ask me,
Why do you drink?
Why do you blow smoke?
Why must you live out all those songs you wrote?
Stop and think it over.
Try and put yourself in my unique position.
If I get stoned and sing all night long
It's a family tradition!
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
21:39 / 27.06.04
"THAT'S HOW IT'S GOTTA BE"

zounds, babe!
this just ain't right
for me to take you out
but no kiss goodnight!
I'm starting to see you now
in a brand new light
you think you're rockin' me?
well, babe
not quite!!!

I'm a man with needs
show me where the babies feed
let me feel you up
and get you on your knees
cos that's how it's gotta be
yeah woman, that's how it's gotta be

I'm a good looking dude
I wear tight jeans
I wax my body hair
work out five days a week
and if you want to get with me
you best have some double d's!

I'm a man with needs
show me where the babies feed
let me feel you up
and get you on your knees
cos that's how it's gotta be
yeah, honey, that's how it's gotta be

a good woman likes to dance
with dollar bills stuffed in her underpants
there ain't a thing in this world that's wrong
when you bend over and show us that thong
LOOK OUT!

(solo)

I'm a big bad dude with attitude
I want to feed you food in the freakin' nude
I gotta do what I gotta do
I gotta make sweet love to you
so come on!

I'm a man with needs
show me where the babies feed
let me feel you up
and get you on your knees
cos that's how it's gotta be
yeah, honey, that's how it's gotta be
 
 
pomegranate
22:06 / 27.06.04
yikes!
 
 
Matthew Fluxington
22:12 / 27.06.04
I wrote that one for Nickelback, but they told me that it had too many chords.
 
  

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