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NOT being at work sucks (and no, I'm not being at all ironic)

  
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
22:28 / 21.06.04
The world's gone topsy-turvy. Here I was, looking forward to having THREE- count 'em, THREE- weeks off in a row. It's what I've been living for for the past couple of months.

And now here it is, and it sucks.

Basically, I had it all set up as some sort of Holy Grail in my head- I'd have the house to myself, I'd be able to get some kick-ass writing done, myself and mono'd go see my mum (well, that bit's still happening, but Mum's just been in a nasty car accident- she's okay and stuff, thank fuck, but it probably won't be the jubilatory affair I was looking forward to)...

Then my flatmate loses her job. And is told by the landlord that when me and mono move out, he's kicking EVERYONE out (to be fair, flatmate DOES owe him about 2 grand, and mono and I are the only tenants who DO pay their rent and stuff, so I can kind of see his point)... yes, she's one of my best friends in the world, and YES, it does suck, and yes, I'll do my best to help her... but if she's just gonna get shitfaced and WORRY about stuff and then yell at me whenever I try to offer advice, then what the fuck can I do?

But my house is now not only NOT EMPTY, it's a fucking miserable place to be. I'm actually wishing I was at work right now, and that's NEVER a good thing. I even ended up getting snarky at mono this afternoon WHILE she was in the process of lending me money. (For which I have duly apologised, but it still sucks.)

First day of the holidays and it sucks.

And the one thing that was cool- I get to spend more time with my little dog. As of half an hour ago, some cunt has started to let off fireworks over the street. Therefore little dog is absolutely terrified.

I think I need to fuck off and go camping somewhere even I've never heard of for a few days (with the dog, of course). Or I WILL go mad.

Oh well... my mobile got cut off this morning. Which, believe it or not, is a GOOD thing... I'm actually dreading the day (next week) when I can get reconnected, cos I fucking hate it when the bastard rings...

Grr. Sorry. Just had to vent, or I'd start feeling the need to go kill a bunch of people in a shopping centre.

Anyway... the point is, I'm on holiday, and wishing I was at work (and not because I love my job). This is a first for me. Does this kind of thing happen often? And, more to the point, is there a word for it? And is there a word for getting needlessly fucked off with your life when, all things considered, it's actually pretty good? (Other than just "being English", obviously).
 
 
w1rebaby
23:05 / 21.06.04
Oh, Stoatie, you and your dog and fireworks...

Yeah, I frequently wish I was at work when I have "free time" because I'm utterly at a loss as to what to do with it. I was signed off work for two weeks a couple of years ago after basically going a bit bananas, and it was awful. All I did was get pissed off my face every evening, wake up late, hang around until I felt I could reasonably go to the offie and then get pissed again. (Not saying that I would have survived going to work under the circumstances, but a bit more structure to the time would have helped.)

Even now I do badly when I've got no work to go to and bitch about. Weekends are a trial because I've got nothing immediate to do and no motivation to find anything to do. I try to wander around with my laptop when I'm at a loss, in the hope that I'll find some place to sit down and write stuff, which sometimes works. At least when I'm at work there's a certain routine which makes the day seem a bit less pointless.

Structured time. It's important.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:12 / 21.06.04
It's just occurred to me... I'm actually even worrying about whether my "minions" at work will get shit from my boss when I'm not there to deal with shit...

Oh well. At least I can spend as much time on Barbelith as I want without having to shrink the window mid-sentence whenever I think boss is passing... (althoug come to think of thin that's part of the fun...)

"Structured time". I like that. When I was signing on, I had a great time- but it was VERY productive- I got a zine going, did a shitload of writing, AND managed to find time with all that to fuck myself up on amphetamines (and make a modest profit)... I think it's cos then it was just "time", rather than "free time", so the onus wasn't on me to HAVE to relax... (Unfortunately, those happy days were about ten years ago.)

Structure. That's what I need.
 
 
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23:30 / 21.06.04
Shit man! Sorry to hear about all that, but haven't you tried writing even though you feel shit? I know it's easy to say and i'm supposed to be writing myself at the moment but have started drawing instead, but it nearly always helps to get you out of a mood if you've written.

You already know this i guess, but just incase.....

I've gotta go soon myself, i've got my course to get to in the morning.........

YAWN.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:48 / 21.06.04
Yeah, the writing SHOULD and WOULD be therapeutic.

And it usually is.

It's just that I've lost the fucking will to do it, purely (and this is me in full-on childish tantrum mode) because my situation IS NOT HOW I PLANNED IT!!! What discipline I have is hard to hang on to- it flees at the slightest thing.

But yes... this could actually be cool, writing-wise. (I'll just probably have to edit the random swearing out later! )

However... violent videogames provide instant gratification... I see a few hours of Manhunt coming on!
 
 
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00:02 / 22.06.04
It's just that I've lost the fucking will to do it, purely (and this is me in full-on childish tantrum mode) because my situation IS NOT HOW I PLANNED IT!!!

Tell me about it. I just have to sit there sometimes and try to think of ideas even though i feel shit. The only thing that helps is that i've done it before and it's worked.
 
 
Mazarine
00:02 / 22.06.04
I too have been out of work for a couple weeks, and since work is the only thing that keeps my mental clock in line, I just missed my class, which I adore, because I thought it was Sunday all day today. There's only a couple classes left, so I'm really upset that I missed it.

Got "time off" from my temp agency because I have to go to Spain for my brother's wedding, and the people they had me assigned to didn't want to waste any more time training me if I was going to be away for five days. This also sucks, because my fiance and I bought our tickets to keep our trip to Spain as short as possible so that we wouldn't miss more work (he works for the same agency)- if we'd known we were going to be getting the boot, we would've planned a much more leisurely trip. As it stands, we'll only be in Spain about three days. So, having kind of a craptacular Monday. Mostly because I'm an idiot. I can't believe I missed class!
 
 
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00:04 / 22.06.04
Shit i missed the Manhunt bit, i know a kid who turned the PC off after a kill for a while because it was that sick!

I want Need For Speed Underground, i love racing.
 
 
lekvar
00:26 / 22.06.04
Structure. That's what I need.

I've been there. My only unstructured adult vacation was a complete waste because I couln't figure out what to do with my lazy-ass self. I spent the whole time drunk/stoned and lounging on the couch. This wouln't have been so bad, but I had planned to make a concerted effort to get some drawing done. It sounds like you've got the creative parts working, so...

Your assignmet (as a means of adding structure to your vacation) is to show up promptly to a pub or cafe you have never been to and drink/eat something you've never had before. Do this every day at roughly the same time each day. It doesn't have to be the same cafe/pub, but it must happen every day.
Bring a paper/laptop.

I've tried this before and it's kept me from wasting an otherwise good vacation, and it doesn't have to cost much.

Anybody eles care to add?
 
 
w1rebaby
01:05 / 22.06.04
Make plans in front of other people, so you feel bad about letting them down. That's the only way I get things done. I don't have much respect for my own plans but other people, well, that's different.
 
 
Lilly Nowhere Late
06:31 / 22.06.04
Stoatie:
There's always the refuge over the road if you need it! I'm sure I can make a schedule for you and see that you stick to it! The weather is going to be improving(so Charlotte Green says) so maybe you should pack up and go camping. I think most importantly, YOU MUST GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE! Good luck. We're here if needed.
 
 
bjacques
07:40 / 22.06.04
Well, if you two want to hang out in Amsterdam, gimme a yell. I'll be around except 1st weekend of July. I don't have any violent videogames, though. Violence=Hz, and I've only got a measly half a gig. Hi to Biccys.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
08:11 / 22.06.04
Funny you should say that, bjacques... I may email you later (I was thinking about the 'Dam this morning...)
 
 
Our Lady Has Left the Building
08:18 / 22.06.04
Depending on how well you know London get a copy of Walking London or indeed any of the books by Andrew Duncan, they can keep you occupied for an hour or two to half a day, and even places I thought I knew quite well, like Bloomsbury or Pall Mall he finds little tucked away alleys that I swear weren't there a minute ago...

I'm in the opposite situation to you really, today is my last day of a weeks holiday and I'm pleased that I've got done a lot of what I wanted to, some walking, some writing, visited a couple of galleries, all I've got left is to renew my bus pass, buy some new clothes and then have an insomnia attack tonight so I only get about three hours sleep and I'll be exhausted tomorrow morning, perfect for going back to work!
 
 
Hattie's Kitchen
10:47 / 22.06.04
Aw, big huggles Stoatie (and to your mum, and to Biscuits)...take inspiration from Manhunt and choke the fuckers with the fireworks with plastic bags, you'll feel much better.
Not much else I can offer in the way of advice, but re the writing thing: for me, the hardest part is actually getting started, I find that if I just sit down and scribble down whatever crap is clogging up my head, I find it easier to tap into whatever else I want to write about...
 
 
Bill Posters
10:55 / 22.06.04
All I did was get pissed off my face every evening, wake up late, hang around until I felt I could reasonably go to the offie and then get pissed again. [...] Even now I do badly when I've got no work to go to and bitch about. Weekends are a trial because I've got nothing immediate to do and no motivation to find anything to do.

Afuckingmen to all that. The most dreadfully miserable time for me is when I am not doing stuff, I immediately sink into depression and drunkeness. Just do something Stoatster, anything, and good luck to yer. (Remember, the men in POW camps who didn't go crazy were the ones that bothered to shave each day. So they say, anyway.)
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
11:16 / 22.06.04
Hey, stoatman. Sorry to hear about yer troubles... don't suppose there's any chance you've got the wherewithal to blag your way into Glastonbury this weekend to cheer yourself up?
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:39 / 22.06.04
Oi, Stoats. Permanent non-worker checking in...

The structure advice is very good. It's really easy to just sink into a morass of time/unmotivation.

Make dates to meet up with people you don't see that often/go places you don't usually go.

Also, make an appointment with yr writing, as someone suggests. If home isn't condusive(and I'm not surprised it isn't - hugs mate - from the sounds of it) go sit in a cafe with coffee, fags and a notebook and *just write*

Why not take yr dog and yr car and do the camping thing? West Country would be my tip... stop off and see a few of us coastal folk on the way back...
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
12:49 / 22.06.04
WHY I LOVE BARBELITH by Stoatie, aged 23 1/2...

I can wake up in the morning thinking "oh Christ, I got all fucking self-pitying on line... shit..."

and then read that people have not only responded to it, they've actually given me very good advice, rather than just telling me to fuck off. A million thanks to everyone.

Grr. I'm still fucked-off... but having just come home from record shopping, nobody's here. Which is more than nice.
 
  
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