| |
|
So I had a dream the other night, and there was a stage and a podium, and up comes Dick Cheney, looking kind of tired, and he says to us all:
"Hello America. Screw you all. I'm sick of this bullshit. I'm sick of all the americans talking about how unjust the war is, and how greedy this administration is, and how morally bankrupt we've all become.
"You know what? You're all correct, really. That's right. I'm coming clean. About everything. We had no just reason for going into Iraq. We needed oil, we needed to get people's minds of how badly we were handling 9/11, we knew most of you wouldn't care if we fucked up that particular country again, blah blah blah...(one of Cheney's aids, looking nervous, attempts to whisper in his ear) Fuck off, asshole! I know what I'm doing. (His attention returns to the crowd) We lied to you all. Straight-out lied, folks, and you know what? Yeah, we're crooked! (Sneeringly sarcastic smile) Congratualtions, Sherlock, you cracked this case wide open! We make rules, expect other countries to follow them, and ignore them when it becomes inconvient for us! Hell, you ignorant bastards don't know half the shit this country has pulled to get it's way. The things we've turned a blind eye towards, if not actively instigated ourselves...honestly, you have no idea. I could tell you some things that would make your skin crawl. And yeah, we do our best to cover it all up, pretend it never happened. Really. These past fifty years have been full of shady stuff that none of you have ever heard of. Go ahead, call us immoral monsters. Go right ahead, douchebags, because we're giving you all exactly what you want.
"That's right. We do it all for you. That's why I'm coming clean tonight. Because this is how this country operates, folks. This is how we keep the American standard of living so high. You think gas is expensive now? Do you hillbillies even know what they're paying in Europe? More than twice as much as you are now. America is one of the richest, most powerful nations on the planet, and you dumb bastards don't even realize that this is how we stay that way. This is how we maintain the status quo.
"Yeah, it's crooked and immoral and downright mean but fuck you because I know--goddamit, I fuckin' know--that deep down, most of you don't want this nasty shit to go away. You'd rather just not hear about it. Well, tough titty said the kitty. Either you all shut the fuck up with the complaining or I'll leave the choice up to you: dead brown people and cheaper gas or more expensive gas but a high moral standard? And then you idiots can feel like the monsters. Because I know none of you would change a goddam thing if it were left up to you. So just sit down and shut the hell up and pretend nothing bad is happening. It'll be whole lot easier for all of us. You can have your MTV and your SUVs and whatever else your fat asses can think of. We'll give it all to you--the life you, for some reason, think you deserve--if you promise to just not act like such self-righteous jerk-offs. We could accomplish so much more if you lousy bastards would just let us work and not keep looking over our shoulder to see if we're keeping our hands clean.
"So, in conclusion: fuck you all. (Cheney gives america the finger) Don't you call me a monster. I'm giving you shitheads exactly what you want. So just quiet down, pretend nothing is happening, and let me do my job and give you fat bastards your filthy little dreams."
What a weird dream. |
|
|
