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I saw this guy get almost broken in half by a crocodile's tail the other day. The croc was like seventeen feet long, and this fool was trying to jump on it's back to place an electronic tracking device at the base of the skull. The croc knew what was going down and swept his (Steve Irwin's) legs out from underneath him and then whipped it's tail up and then down, missing Steve's head and back by inches. If Steve Irwin was any slower there'd be two of him now. I know what you're all thinking: where does a seventeen foot croc learn how to do a back leg sweep? But that's not important, guys. We're talking about Steve Irwin here. We can get into crocodile martial arts moves later.
Have you ever seen him on a talk show? He's like a big goofy kid who's really, really into dangerous animals. Like he wakes up every day and realizes that all he's going to do is drink beer and wrestle crocs, and he couldn't be happier. Kinda charming, in an Australian in khaki shorts kind of way. I would be crushed if it all turned out to be a facade to cover his deep, dark depression and inferiority complex.
Maybe I like him because we both have the same reverence for really big animals and dangerous snakes. Maybe it's those cool safari hats he gets to wear. Maybe it's because he uses the same tone of voice explaining the video of him almost getting killed as he does on the video, standing next to the croc. He's excited all the time, I guess, and I'm just envious that I don't have anything that gets me that excited. That lucky bastard...
I just wish that, when he's being interviewed, he wouldn't prop one leg up on the seat the way he does (I've seen him interviewed several times and he does this every goddam time). We can all appreciate a healthy breeze about the nether regions, but honestly, think of the children. Those are some tiny shorts he wears. |
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