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The New Summer Workout Plan: Sign Up Now!

Regrettable Juvenilia

11:42 / 17.06.04

"Hi, my name's Kevin Smith, and I'd like to take a few minutes to tell you about the Flyboy Summer Workout Plan, and how it changed my life. Changed my life for the better!

"Up until just over a year ago, this was me:

(Artist's impression.)

"I was deeply depressed and would gorge myself on sleeping pills and alcoholic milkshakes in an effort to blot out the loneliness and pain. But that was before somebody told me there was another way.

"Now, thanks to Flybot's patented Summer Workout Plan, I look like this:

(Artist's impression.)

"I'm having to beat hipster chicks off with a stick these days. Which is kinda freaky but hey, it's all consensual.

"My friends, I'm here to tell you that if you're not comfortable with your body, there is hope. The Flyboy Summer Workout Plan will change your life for the better - or your money back.

"I urge you to sign up now!"

sleazenation

11:45 / 17.06.04

Is flyboy on the plan yet? If so, we need to see the results.

Grey Area

11:48 / 17.06.04

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

Goodness Gracious Meme

12:01 / 17.06.04

Where do I sign? I would phone your hotline number, but I'm unable to mash the number into my keypad.

Char Aina

12:23 / 17.06.04

is the treatment reversible?

y'see, i'm coming to a place in my life now where perfect physical appearance isnt the be all or end all for me.
i mean, sure, i'm extra special super-hott with a side order of OHMIGOD, but is that really so special?

what good are adamantium hard abs and buns of relaxed steel if i cant have a deeper relationship with any of the constant stream of girls lapping jaegermeister from my 'pack?

my body.
what once was my fortune is now my misfortune, locking my mind away in an ivory tower of muscle structure that would make narcissus jealous.

they see me as a piece of meat, my women, and when i look in the mirror, i see what they mean.
tenderloin i may be, but still just a big hunka perfectly chiseled man-flesh.

can you help me?

i too want to know what it means to carry a beer baby.

Regrettable Juvenilia

12:57 / 17.06.04

Don't just take Kevin's word for it. Here are some other satisfied customers with stories to tell:

"Before I subscribed to Flyboy's Summer Workout Plan, I was a struggling comic book writer with no prospects and no sex life. No wonder, when you consider that I looked like this:

"Pretty fugly, huh? I couldn't even pop out for a pint of milk without wearing a large, form-hiding cloak. Now look at me:

"I got so much ass at Marxism 2003, shit was ridiculous. And I can't even go near a Forbidden Planet without being chased by hott EBM babes of every gender. Let the Flyboy Summer Workout Plan do it for you."

w1rebaby

13:31 / 17.06.04

The Flyboy Summer Workout Plan mostly consists of a haircut, then?

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:32 / 17.06.04

Don't worry, toksik, the Flyboy Summer Workout Plan is not necessarily about losting weight! Let's hear from former Workout Plan participant Brian (not real name):

"I used to be a whining, insecure little nine-stone weakling. All the guys in my neighbourhood would push me around. And rightly so! Consider this photo of me, taken back in 2002:

"But Flyboy's Summer Workout Plan has enabled me to be a real man. Now I have the body to give me the confidence that I need! Now I'm the one pushing people around! Just look at this confidence:

"Thank you, Flyboy's Summer Workout Plan!"

pomegranate

13:34 / 17.06.04

is there a diet element, or is it just exercise, flyboy? how do you feel about low-fat vs. low-carb, atkins vs. south beach, dr. phil's "get real" plan?

THE FLABBY MASSES NEED ANSWERS! SHOW US THE WAY!

Sax

13:47 / 17.06.04

Okay, I'll gamble a stamp.

**Kicks chair**

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:03 / 17.06.04

fridge, we change the inside as well as the outside. The Flyboy Summer Workout Plan has been designed to help you maximise your inner self at the same as giving you the outer self you truly desire.

It takes years off!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

praying mantis, all the secret formulae and specially-designed routines of the 2004 Summer Workout Plan will be revealed once we get started. It's almost time, but for now, I'm still giving people the chance to sign up. Then Phase 1 can begin.

Great effects for women too!

BEFORE:

AFTER:

pointless and uncalled for

14:10 / 17.06.04

I too can attest to the success of the Flyboy Summer Workout Plan.

Last March I was a rather chubby teenager sporting a T-shirt that proclaimed that "I FUCK ON A FIRST DATE".

By Late June the Flyboy Summer Workout Plan had me looking nigh identical to Christopher Walken, including the accent and then by the end of August I had acheived a startling resemblance to Jake Gyllenhaal and finally by the end of September I had managed to attain the superstar looks of Jack Davenport.

I must confess that I have indulged in a little backsliding over the winter months and resemble Martin Clunes but I think that this year I should be able to manage at least an Eric Bana

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