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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Sex scenes, nude scenes, and all around dirty bits!!!!

  
 
Samael
20:15 / 11.06.04
Hello all, just wondering what "naughty" bits from movies and TV and such are the 'Lith's denizens favorites, or least favorites. Example:

Favs:

In Return of the Living Dead, when Trash does a striptease on the crypt.

In Sirens, during the dream sequence with all of them in the pond.

Not Favs:

In Jacky Browne, when DeNiro and Bridget Fonda have thier quickie.


So what cooks your noodles?
 
 
Jack The Bodiless
20:26 / 11.06.04
Return Of The Living Dead's 'nude scene' is great simply because Trash is sexy. It's still bollocks.

Best ever? No contest. At all. Nic Roeg's Don't Look Now. Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie, in possibly the only ever example of a seriously explicit sex scene involving full frontal nudity which is absolutely integral to the movie (ie, the film wouldn't make as much sense without it).

In the context of their working trip to Venice, taken together to save their marriage after the tragic death of their daughter, and intercut with them getting dressed to go out for dinner that evening, being affectionate with one another. You can tell that it's the first time they've made love since she died, and that it really means something, and the explicitly sexual nature of the sex scene is mixed with a devastating tenderness. It's the only real 'love scene' I've ever seen in cinema, and it's quite, achingly beautiful, as well as rather horny (Sutherland's 70's afro aside, Christie is heartstoppingly beautiful).

Worst sex scene? Without question, Cindy Crawford and William Baldwin in Fair Game. Running from Steven Berkoff's nasty killers at breakneck speed on a moving train, Crawford and Baldwin (Bald. Win.) stop in the middle of the chase scene to have stoopid, lavish sex on the bonnet of a car that is inexplicably sitting in the middle of a carriage, just so that the nipple-geeks can see Crawford semi-nude pretending to enjoy having a Baldwin (Bald. Win.) paw at her. Utterly ridiculous, utterly reprehensible.
 
 
The Strobe
21:58 / 11.06.04
Damnit. Jack has said absolutely everything I'd have said, in the same language, about Don't Look Now. He's right on all counts.

In the worst category, I'd probably pick the one near the start of The Rock, between Nic Cage and wife. On the chair. No, no, no. So unerotic in that Jerry Bruckheimer way.
 
 
■
23:46 / 11.06.04
Jennifer Ehle. Fireside. Camomile Lawn. Auuuuuuggghhhh...
 
 
Nobody's girl
05:13 / 12.06.04
I've not seen "Don't Look Now" but I'll see if I can't track down a copy on your recommendations.

Secretary was a very sexy film, lots of sexual tension throughout.
I love the scene with Leonard Cohen's "I'm Your Man" playing in the background.

Kare Kano is the sweetest anime I've ever seen. It's directed by the same person who wrote Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's essentially a love story about two japanese teenagers. When the main characters finally have sex it's an incredibly tender scene.

The Piano it's so girly I hate to admit it. I mainly like it because of pleasurable associations...lets just say an ex of mine was fond of the soundtrack.

These are just the three I can think of off the top of my head, I know there's some better ones but I'm currently intoxicated and unable to remember
 
 
The Strobe
07:07 / 12.06.04
Secretary. Of course? How could I forget. Really lovely; far more tender and 'real' than many people would have you believe.

Don't Look Now is fairly easy to track down - it got re-released on DVD about 6-9 months ago, and can be had for eight quid on Amazon. And the BBFC even deigned to drop the certificate a notch for the re-release.
 
 
D Terminator XXXIII
10:17 / 13.06.04
Damnit. Jack has said absolutely everything I'd have said, in the same language, about Out Of Sight.

(Substituting Christie with Clooney, acourse)
 
 
Lord Morgue
13:28 / 13.06.04
Bestest?
Halle Berry getting absolutely HAMMERED in Monster Balls, I mean Monster's Balls, I mean, oh fuggedaboutit. Never seen the whole film, but damn.

The short film "Little Babylon", where the girl takes a bite out of what looks like a raw animal heart, then trails it down her body, leaving a trail of blood, then SQUOOSHES it into her privates. Mr. Meat says make a mess!

Julie Andrew's topless scene in S.O.B.. Not so much the actual unveiling of Mary Poppin's Whoppers, but the bit just before, when the doctor has given her a shot to calm her down, and she's looking under her shirt, giggling evilly, and saying "You all want to look at my boobies!" in that adorable British accent...

Black Scorpion. Well, you know, the whole movie was just a hastily-contrieved excuse for that one scene where she screws her cop boyfriend in her superhero costume, then knocks him out...

Salma Hayek as Satanica Pandemonium in Dusk 'till Dawn, the dance with the albino python, accompanied by Los Lobos, culminating in pouring tequila down her leg and foot into Quentin Tarantino's mouth. Lick it up, you nasty little auteur! Yeah, he wrote the script, too, didn't he? That's what happens when you let the one guy do everything.

Wicked City, the Hong Kong live action version, sex between consenting adult demon and consenting adult pinball machine.

John Lovitz and Tia Carrera in High School High. Black screen, but the dialogue! "Oh my god, you're a virgin!" "No, I still have my panties on." "Oh God, you're so tight!" "That's not me." "MEOW!" "Sorry."

Worst?
Stephen Segal in Belly of the Beast. URGH! Flubberdubbing his big fat face all over some poor Thai hottie half his age.

Dolph Lundgen and Tia Carrera, Showdown in Little Tokyo.
O.K., Tia gets in both my best and worst lists- she's a real trooper- having kissed Pauly Shore, Mike Myers and John Lovich without chucking a lung, but she has got to dance the tango with Arnie, dirty danced with Chris Walken, hot tubbed with Dolph, and had a roll in the hay with Kevin Sorbo so life isn't too bad. But her post-coital line in S.I.L.T. (good acronym)- "That time, I heard you come." EEEWWWWWW!
Jesus, what does Dolph Lundgren comeing sound like, anyway?
Maybe like... BLLLLEEAARRRRRRRGGGGGPHLBPHLBPHLBGOOOOOSHHHHSPLUNGEEEEBLAP.

Basket Case 2, or was it three? The humping mutant popcorn kernels.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
19:31 / 13.06.04
Secretary was a very sexy film, lots of sexual tension throughout.

Thirded ; although it also has the best depiction of bad sex, in which Jeremy Davies' character appears completely unaware of Maggie Gyllenhaal's disinterested "Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh." And he makes his nervous tic hand gesture when he comes. It all looks throughly unpleasant.

The unintentionally worst sex scene I've seen was Cameron Diaz / Leonardo DiCaprio in Gangs Of New York. Tacky, cold, and utterly, utterly pointless. So bad that at some point in the middle of it, I concentrated less on the film than I did on thinking of ways to articulate how much I hated it.
 
 
cusm
17:20 / 14.06.04
Original Sin, Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie. The extra dirty unrated version, naturally. The one scene where they bang, they're actually fucking. They were using the usual shield thingy hollywood uses for these sorts of scenes, but just couldn't get into it right. So AJ was like, 'screw this, lets just do it'. Some calls to spouses later, and the rest was history. And god damn is it hot.

I'll put a runner up for Mulhulland Drive, for having built the tension to such absurd levels prior.

Worst? Simply too many bad ones to remember any one in particular.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
21:18 / 14.06.04
Johnny and Omar in My Beautiful Launderette. Deffo.
 
 
Nobody's girl
02:07 / 15.06.04
Worst sex scene ever- c'mon, it's gotta be the pool scene from Showgirls. Elizabeth Berkley looks like she's in the throes of a vigorous seizure, you gotta wonder what Paul Verhoven's sex life is like, that he could think this in any way sexy.

NSFW image showing Elizabeth Berkley and Paul Mu'ad Dib getting busy
 
 
gridley
21:02 / 15.06.04
Secretary was definitely a winner.

I also remember becoming suitably worked up during a scene in The Coca Cola Kid featuring Greta Scacchi and a million white feathers (and possibly a brief Santa Claus outfit).
 
 
Sir Real
10:46 / 16.06.04
In The Name of the Rose: the young novice (really) and the wildly inarticulate, dusky girl who gives him her heart (really).
 
 
Sax
11:12 / 16.06.04
Well, for boy-on-girl action it has to be the first four minutes of Betty Blue.

And while it might not actually be sex per se, Oliver Reed and Alan Bates wrasslin' in Women in Love must be worth a mention.

Oh, and Ingrid Pitt banging on the wall (literally) while Edward Woodward gets wood in The Wicker Man is a fantastic sex scene - and completely safe as well!
 
 
Sax
11:19 / 16.06.04
No sex (apart from some threatened burglary), but the greatest cinematic love story ever:



**Ducks away from Ganesh's anti-Withnail torrent.**
 
 
Ex
18:19 / 16.06.04
That was the pebble that started the avalanche of hoyay!

Firstly, Irons on Irons action in Dead Ringers; the scene when the brothers Irons dance together (with only an intervening lady to spare their heterosexuality).

Link to image

Secondly, fop on fop action in Maurice. Hugh Grant under James Wilby.
Sadly, the Net has not seen fit to supply pictures of the scene in which they remove each other's cufflinks and go to separate rooms. Unspeakably hot stuff.

(I feel vaguely pretentious suggesting two sex(y) scenes with no sexing in them, as though I'm suggesting that I appreciate subtle eroticism and the rest of you are tit-crazed phillistines. This isn't true. As soon as I remember something I like with some flesh in it, I'll come back.)
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
10:45 / 19.06.04
I think the most erotic scene in any movie I have seen is when William Hurt smashed through a glass door to get to Kathleen Turner in Body Heat . Amazing, amazing work on every level and Turner coasted on that scene for almost a decade.
 
 
Jack Vincennes
20:08 / 19.06.04
Tenoch and Julio in Y Tu Mama Tambien... the entire film has been characterised by their amusingly poor sexual encounters with the woman with whom they're on the road and then, right before the end, the two of them do actually pull. Extremely sexy, if only because my own feverish hope throughout was not only endorsed but actually fulfliled by the film itself. Can't find any particularly good pics, but they're the ones on the right.

(Sorry, don't know how to display images taken from IMDB!)
 
 
Baz Auckland
12:20 / 21.06.04
...I can't find an image to link, but my probable favourite is with Irene Jacob in La Double Vie de Veronique ...partly just because it's Irene Jacob, and partly because she really seems to enjoy it...
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
12:21 / 22.06.04
Don't really remember sex scenes as such, crappy memory

Johnny and Omar in My Beautiful Launderette. Deffo

God yes, watched it again last week and it's fabulous.... the way it's intercut with Uncle and his mistress is grreat and DD-L and GW are *so* good. And hottt.

Don't Look Now is great, probably one of the few genuinely hot, mature and pyschologically sex scenes in mainstream film history.

Vote the fourth for Secretary, on both counts, the bad sex is squicky.

Also:

The painting/writing scenes in 'The Pillow Book'. Beautiful, sexy, engrossing. Almost forget its Ewan McGregor.

Not a scene as such, but the interaction between Chloe Sevigny and Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry is incredibly sexy in places. And like DLN, in a psychologically realistic, adult way.
 
 
wembley can change in 28 days
13:22 / 22.06.04
I'll have to second the Don't Look Now sentiments in the same language, and add a little guilty pleasure for The Man Who Fell To Earth. There's a very realistic, uncertain, terrified scene of almost-went-there sex with an alien, and it's stuck in my head forever.

Worst? Definitely Leonardo di Caprio at the end of Total Eclipse. His moustache looks glued on, and he looks like a 12-year-old. Totally fake, embarassing to watch.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
10:10 / 23.06.04
Oh, but i'd disagree on one point with Jack's excellent review:

and it's quite, achingly beautiful, as well as rather horny (Sutherland's 70's afro aside, Christie is heartstoppingly beautiful).

Naa, it's the combination of the two of them, that makes it work, you couldn't pair Christie with someone else. Sutherlarnd's facial expression, how their bodies fit together, it's all part of why it's so affecting, complicated , and sexy.
 
 
Scrubb is on a downward spiral
10:25 / 23.06.04
More on the men not quite sexing each other up...I give you Mr River Phoenix and Mr Keanu Reeves snogging by the campfire in My Own Private Idaho. Not only are they not sexing, it's so dark that you can barely see anything and you have to turn up the volume on the video to full blast to work out whether the rustly noises are the sounds of man-lips meeting man-lips or tumbleweed blowing through the desert, all without waking your parents up...

...ahem. Yes.

Also any of the mutual hair stroking in Maurice. And another vote for Secretary.

Can't think of a all-time worst. Any of the rudeness in Single White Female brings back cringeworthiness, not from the clunkiness of the sex, but because I saw it at a drive-in and was trapped in the car with parents and younger brother throughout the entire blow-job scenes. Ack.
 
 
D Terminator XXXIII
23:55 / 26.06.04
Ah. Knew I'd forgotten that Crash moment. Spader tenderly kissing a guy's guy's tattoo. At the cinema I saw it in, several men left the place during.
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
14:27 / 02.07.04
Japanese Story: Toni Collete shows Gotaro Tsunashim who wears the trousers. Quite literally. But I found the first half of the movie leading up to this scene more erotic: almost intoxicating in the charge that's created by knowing that these two people are going to decide to fuck at some point. And the fact that she's tough and masculine and he's delicate and feminine... The fact that this pays off when they consummate their relationship, rather than the audience being fobbed off with a more conventional sex scene, is fantastic.
 
 
TroyJ15
03:25 / 05.07.04
I hate sex scenes in movies. It seems voyueristic. There is nothing grosser than watching Desperado fuck Tomb Raider. Call me old fashion, but if I want porn I'll watch porn. Sorry that was a rant.
 
 
Baz Auckland
05:20 / 06.07.04
My; Masculine Petsi to yer wrote: "Ah. Knew I'd forgotten that Crash moment. Spader tenderly kissing a guy's guy's tattoo. At the cinema I saw it in, several men left the place during."

Me too! I counted about 9 people leaving the theater at that point....sheesh.
 
  
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