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Tell me about your penis.

 
 
pointless and uncalled for
12:52 / 10.06.04
Recently the wonderful Seth convened a barbelith meet on the grounds that his NLP penis wheighs a ton.

Which of your penises weighs a ton and what the hell should we be doing about it.
 
 
King Mob
17:03 / 10.06.04
Are we weighing them erect or not?
 
 
Ganesh
20:20 / 10.06.04
Well, I think I previously attempted a 'Penis Monologues' type thread, being honest about my own penis in an attempt to dispel some of the titter-ye-not macho-anxiety around the subject. Here goes again.

Mine's just over seven inches. Which is, apparently, upper average. Some peoples' penis tend to left or right, but mine is pretty much central. Uncircumcised, with a rather tight foreskin, which causes me to be slightly anxious on occasion.

I love my penis. Mmmmm... peeeenissss...
 
 
cusm
20:31 / 10.06.04
Well, the last 3 people I've put mine in were sure to tell me how beautiful they thought it was. I think that counts for something.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:28 / 10.06.04
And my penis is destined always to be a bit shorter than the Hindu Love God's but do I care? The size of his brain has always excited me more anyway... I've shagged (lots of) men with bigger dicks and it really was a consideration on the level of hair colour. Much ado about nothing.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:30 / 10.06.04
btw, have never seen the Seldom Killer's penis but he does have such a tasty arse...
 
 
Char Aina
02:09 / 11.06.04
my hair weighs a ton...

'nesh, dude, you know you can get a tight foreskin fixed?
i have two friends who have hade it done, and it apparently made their sex lives more comfortable.
i dont know how tight, or what exactly was done, but i do know you need to spend a good couple of weeks with a mummified and tender penis. apparently the relief when your first tentative tugs at it cause a tumescent reaction is unbeatable.

i dont know if you like pain, but it strikes me it might be a great way to hurt yourself for sexual kicks if that were your bag.


my penis?
average length, above average girth.
looks nice, i reckon.
nicer than those other boys penises.

if a genie offered to enlarge it i might accept, but i would ask instead if i could trade in the wish for a bigger tongue.

i have always wondered what a uterus tastes like.
 
 
The Strobe
06:41 / 11.06.04
toksik: your friends were almost certainly circumcised. It doesn't really solve the problem, just eradicate the cause of it. There's a difference, you know.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
08:33 / 11.06.04
I was refering to peoples metaphorical penises.
 
 
Psi-L is working in hell
08:59 / 11.06.04
Ok, well metaphorically speaking my penis is going to become a vestigal organ soon I think.....
 
 
Cat Chant
11:22 / 11.06.04
...if i could trade in the wish for a bigger tongue.

i have always wondered what a uterus tastes like.


You do realize that it would not only have to be longer, but with an extremely slender tip in order to get through an undilated cervix? (People whose cervices are dilated enough to get a tongue through tend to be in labour, so you would only find out what a not-quite-newborn baby tastes like.) I'm not sure how workable this wish would be, in short.

My penis, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, is small (which I really like), and tucked away sensibly inside my abdomen instead of dangling about on the outside in a vulnerable and odd-looking manner. I am very happy with it.

I'm not sure what a metaphorical penis would be.
 
 
Cat Chant
11:30 / 11.06.04
I previously attempted a 'Penis Monologues' type thread

And thank you for that again, by the way. I have a tendency to be reduced to incoherent rage by the way that UK/US culture tends to represent an orgasmic woman in order to imply a penis - the Trojan adverts ("For Her Pleasure", which showed the face of a woman who was coming* in order to sell a product for penises) are a blatant example, but there's also a tendency in talking about impotence/erectile dysfunction, for example, to couch it in terms of "inability to satisfy a woman" rather than "inability to have orgasms". As if penises were always instrumental and never themselves the site of pleasure (too vulnerable, maybe?)

I said this before in a different penis thread and killed it, and it tends to kill RL conversations stone-dead, as well. I've never worked out why. The idea that penises are fun to play with, and not just semi-inert things that you have to drug and coax into the correct state in order to satisfy someone else - tools, never to be appreciated for themselves but only for what they can do - seems like a nice idea to me.

*Okay, well, she actually looked like she was in pain or dead, but that's a separate rant.
 
 
Ex
11:42 / 11.06.04
I used to wonder whether, if the sexes were culturally reversed (as it were), Boots would sell splints instead of KY Jelly. Then they invented Viagra. It was one of those moments that made me realise that gender's not doing anyone any favours.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
11:55 / 11.06.04
The idea that penises are fun to play with, and not just semi-inert things that you have to drug and coax into the correct state in order to satisfy someone else - tools, never to be appreciated for themselves but only for what they can do - seems like a nice idea to me.

The idea is right, any honest man, or indeed the top shelf of a newsagents magazine rack for that matter, will be able to confirm this for you.

Frankly the advertising imagery for condoms also has me a little confused. Sports cars, single women and bubbles have no need for condoms. That said though, nothing is going to kill the moment quicker than reaching for something in a package that depicts a male orgasm face. There is nothing sexy about someone trying to do an impression of a startled rhino. If I had my way we would see the real deal. Condoms - put them on one of these.

On the subject of metaphorical penises. A metaphorical penis is one that has no physical manifestation but certainly conts as an appendage. one of Seth's is an NLP penis and owing to it's significant weight he feels we should gather and get drunk. One of mine is a zen administrative penis and, again due to being near as dammit one whole ton in weight, I would appreciate a rain dance at the spring equinox.

Metaphorical penises are in no way gender related.
 
 
Lord Morgue
12:18 / 11.06.04
"It's a test. A test designed to provoke an emotional response.
...Tell me about your penis."
"I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT MY PENIS!"
BLAM! BLAM!
 
 
Cat Chant
12:46 / 11.06.04
the top shelf of a newsagents magazine rack for that matter, will be able to confirm this for you

Most of the top-shelf porn I ever saw repeated the idea that penises were only to be enjoyed... well, in the same way as a sports car; through other people's reactions to them, rather than in or for themselves. That's why I read slash - well, that's one of the reasons I read slash.

Is a metaphorical penis kind of like the phallus?
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
13:02 / 11.06.04
I'm fairly certain that top-shelf porn is more of this is what I would like my hand to be rather than this is what I would like to pleasure, hence the reference. Unless I'm very much mistaken then your average mag weilding, autoeroticising male is rather unconcerned with whether the model will be "satisfied" with the matinee. Therein lies the roots of such phrases as eye-candy.

Yes it's more of a phallus thing but not in the fetid fungus way, unless that's your sort of thing.
 
 
Char Aina
21:11 / 11.06.04
You do realize that it would not only have to be longer, but with an extremely slender tip in order to get through an undilated cervix?

DAMNIT, JIM! i'm a PERVERT, not a DOCTOR!

i could do thin at the end, as long as i could roll it back under the fat bit. man, the applications of a long thin tongue with a fatter yet still long base are endless...

how long does it need to be to be a baby tickler?
 
 
Warewullf
23:05 / 11.06.04
Uncircumcised, with a rather tight foreskin, which causes me to be slightly anxious on occasion.


Ditto. My foreskin had never retracted (in any state) until a couple of months ago when I was prescribed a steroid cream. This, combined with stretching exercises, has resulted in retraction when flaccid. Yay for me.
 
 
Lord Morgue
03:03 / 13.06.04
On a clear day
you can see my penis
and it stretches
for ever
and ever
 
 
40%
05:59 / 13.06.04
A metaphorical penis is one that has no physical manifestation but certainly conts as an appendage. one of Seth's is an NLP penis...One of mine is a zen administrative penis...

Since I'm not overly familiar with NLP or "zen administration", I'm not quite sure what the defining thread is in these examples. Mastery of a skill? Awareness? If so I may have a musical penis that could cause you a lot of pain (but in a good way). But how far down does one go from here? Can one have a driving penis? A gerbil-owning penis? A walking-down-the-street penis?

Your concepts are intriguing to me.
 
 
40%
06:02 / 13.06.04
Deva - it is a very important point. I'm not sure why it should kill conversations, but I'm sure it's a sign that you've hit on something important. Maybe you should start a thread on the subject. Worth getting to the bottom of, IMO.
 
 
Lord Morgue
10:15 / 13.06.04
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.

So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.
 
  
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