Eh, I was worried about the new, non-wheelchair-access-only daleks until Ace beat the living christ out of one with a baseball bat. Knocked it's little eye-stalk right off, she did. Calling Ace a "small human" is NEVER a good idea.
Certainly a pie cannot climb up stairs. It can however catapult itself down stairs, thwack you on the head and give you a nasty earful of meat and sauce.
And after that terifying vision, it's penthouse appartments all the way for me.
Then I need fear only the airborne pie, the pie with a chum who has a helicopter: the pie in the sky.
I've just had a terrifying vision - a fleet of giant Fli-Pies, each with a helicopter rotor attached, rising through the centre of their piecrusts - meancingly advancing through the skies, dropping scalding goblets of kate n' sidney on a terrified populace.
Veggies who think they are getting off lightly here should remember that quiche is naught more than a topless pie and that just makes you a bunch of sick, sad perverts.
I'll be amazed if there isn't a bake-lash - the Chief Coldfinger of the Worshipful Guild of Crust-twiddlers will get onto Radio 4's Food Programme and complain that his is a worthy profession and an ancient foodstuff.
Then there'll be a series of counter-strike ads:
CHIPS - GREASY LITTLE ARTERYFUCKERS TOO, Y'KNOW
And, as pointed out by the Killer: QUICHE - TOPLESS LARD-PIE, BUT ONLY HALF AS MUCH FUN.
Pies will rebrand themselves: "I'm your number one flan..."
