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I've got this mole, see...

Sax

08:30 / 02.06.04

And it's creating big fucking piles of earth on my lawn.

Can anyone advise me as to the legal/moral/advisable course of action?

Should I:

a) Kill it? If so, how? Wait up all night with a spade, as seems to be the norm in comic strips? Sic the cats on it? Pour poison down the holes?

b) Ignore it, and live happily in balance with nature and all of God's creatures, ignoring the fact that the little paddle-pawed fucker is ruining my grass?

c) Purchase some kind of mole deterrent? Does such a thing exist? Will I need an Innovations catalogue?

d) Capture it and keep it as a pet. Or sell it. Or torture it. Oh, I don't know.

Mole-handling tips received with gratitude.

Ganesh

08:35 / 02.06.04

Is it Marco?

sleazenation

08:39 / 02.06.04

...there's only one way to get rid of a mole...

Unencumbered

08:39 / 02.06.04

How about concreting over your lawn and laying astroturf on top?

Sax

08:40 / 02.06.04

It would be funny if it was, because then in my garden I'd have Marco, a Kitten, and a post-operative transsexual gnome.

Jack Denfeld

08:57 / 02.06.04

Oh man, ya gotta keep it! Who sees real life moles, that's amazing! It must be super-cute 2000! Take pictures!! I want a mole in my yard!! I've got bunny rabbits, squirels, and crow(s?). Wanna do some trading?

Sax

09:01 / 02.06.04

A mole's got to be worth a rabbit and a squirrel, under the current exchange rate. When I catch it I'll put it in a Jiffy bag and pop it in the post.

Unless there are any better offers?

Paypal accepted. Buyer pays postage. Log on to www.smallfurrymammaltraders.com to check my seller status.

Ganesh

09:02 / 02.06.04

Is it willing to work in the crush industry?

Cat Chant

09:03 / 02.06.04

Ooh! Ooh! My friend's brother had a mole recently and she was terrified, upon visiting him, to find that he was spending all his time stamping heavily up and down the garden while howling and playing the guitar. Moles don't like noise/vibration, and I think the brother in question (let us call him Molehunter, for 'tis his name) was advised that this is actually more effective than poisoning, though it may be that he was just being pacifist about it.

I got the feeling this is rather a time-consuming solution, and probably one best suited to an obsessive personality type. But it did work - the mole left.

Sax

09:05 / 02.06.04

Well, despite my gung-ho attitude up there in that first post, I don't really want to kill it. In fact, I don't want to kill it at all. Kali and Shiva once brought a mole into he house and left it on the rug, a neat cut down its belly and its entrails hanging out over my Pirates of the Caribbean DVD.

Dear reader, I wept.

Unencumbered

09:08 / 02.06.04

I'm told that a good solution to the problem is to drive bamboo sticks into the lawn and put plastic drinks bottles over the tops. Apparently they rattle about in the wind and the vibrations annoy the moles enough to make them leave.

Ganesh

09:16 / 02.06.04

Well, if you input 'getting rid of moles' into Google, this comes top of the list.

Eloi Tsabaoth

11:33 / 02.06.04

Adopt it as your son. It worked for me.

Axolotl

12:04 / 02.06.04

You could try those windmills on sticks. They are supposed to deter moles.
That or lure him away with the promise of messing around in a boat. I read somewhere that that works as well.

angel

15:01 / 02.06.04

Surely you mean Water Rats.

Go with the vibration thing! It's not cruel, you could make some funky wind-chimey thing and be artistic as well as garden protective!

VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering

15:04 / 02.06.04

TRAIN IT TO KILL CHILDREN.

OR MOLDAVIANS.

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