I (Seth, the subject who has favourably interpreted the experiential stimulus known as Lightning Bolt) feel as though I am floored.
Every once in a while (subjective interpretation of time in the context of specific perceived musical landmarks) I hear something that completely knocks me off my feet (a turn of phrase intended to denote an extreme kinesthetic response to – in this case – an auditory stimulus. Note that the subject – Seth – was neither literally floored nor knocked off his feet. Also note that the subject has kindly removed the universal quantifier “you” and replaced it with the personal “I.” The subject must restate his assumptions as personal rather than typical of any reaction to the stimulus known as Lightning Bolt). Now, I believe that is not something to be said lightly (note the frequent use of kinesthetic language to describe the individual’s experience of music, in this case, “lightly.” Also note that the subject – Seth – has introduced the element of his personal belief into this statement, which really only exists to emphasise the one preceding). I love music. I love a lot of music, desperately and completely (here the subject – Seth – has already used the correct E-Prime linguistic structure to describe his experience, despite both “desperately” and “completely” being perhaps unnecessarily emotive). I feel this is different (again, a specific use of auditory/kinesthetic synesthesia to describe the relationship between the text/audience).
I believe that this kind of hysterical hyperbole (perceived by the subject – Seth – to be relative to the subject’s normal manner of communication and conduct, “normal” also being perceived in a relative manner) should be reserved for those moments when I hear what I believe to be legends for the first time (again, note the removal of the universal quantifier and the introduction of the subject’s assessment into the use of the inflammatory use of “legends”).
I remember that I saw Lightning Bolt live about a month or two ago (note the subjective experience of time. The subject – Seth – wishes to convey that he has seen this band recently, and that the exact quantity of time is not relevant. Other subjects may wish to state the exact date and time that the experience took place, or the exact amount of time that has passed since the experience. See also the “Once Upon A Time” phenomenon as a narrative frame). I found them to be blistering (the subject’s response to the stimulus – Lightning Bolt – was such that he metaphorically describes the sensation of his skin burning, as though in a fire. It is important to note that the subject was not actually burned in a fire), what I perceived to be a two piece band who I felt created the kind of maelstrom that sounds like five guitarists and two drummers (it is possible that the subject – Seth – lost count of the number of musicians playing, or perhaps believed that the interaction of the audience was not important to relate as the meta-context in which the subjective experience of the stimuli – Lightning Bolt – took place). I remember seeing two men (a repetition of the preceding sentence for emphasis). I remember seeing just two men (second repetition for emphasis. It is noteworthy that the use of repetition here could be perceived as being at best unnecessarily emotive, at worst manipulative. The act of repeating a phase cannot effect its basis in truth for the author or the audience, is such a thing as truth can be said to exist), what appeared to be a bass guitar and a drum kit (the subject – Seth – has now allowed for the possibility that he may be incorrect), apparently modified amps cooled by fans (although the precise nature of the modifications is not known at this time) set up in the crowd (the band appeared not to be on stage, in that they were frequently obscured by the audience and seemed to be at the same level as the subject. Exact measurements against sea level were not undertaken to prove this hypothesis), and I believe refusing to use the house PA (here, the subject’s belief is verifiable against external accounts of the stimulus – Lightning Bolt – although it is possible that other factors may be involved in their non-use of the PA on this and potentially every other occasion). Everything seemed overdriven (by “everything,” the subject – Seth – is only referring to his subjective experience of the band, rather than all forces and forms that have ever and will ever exist), everything seemed far too fast (a lack of referential index: “far too fast implies” that there is some external standard of tempo when it is applied to music, which is clearly not the case. A speeding car may take the life of an innocent child. A fast song will not).
But I wasn’t prepared for their album, Wonderful Rainbow (again, a rare use of the correct E-Prime in the original manuscript, although the use of “but” in the original related this paragraph's content to the baseless projections and hallucinations of the one preceding). Oh, God, I wasn’t prepared (the subject – Seth – appeals to God. In this case it is interpreted more as a prayer for personal strength in the face of the subject’s perceived lack of preparation rather than an attempt to project the subject’s experience of the stimulus – Lightning Bolt – as a mythico-religious universal). I strongly wish to see them perform again in the light of my experience of their recorded material (the removal of the modal operator of necessity. The subject – Seth – recognises that there is a real choice involved).
I, perhaps unfairly, would like you, the reader to imagine the nature of my personal experience of Lightning Bolt from the following list of bands which you may or may not have experienced - in a manner which may or may not be very different to my subjective response, even if you have experienced them – and the subsequent list of comparatives lacking any concrete referential index: Ruins spliced with Eddie Van Halen and Ministry, only sweatier, more muscular, faster, heavier, leaner and nastier by far (much better. The subject – Seth – has allowed for his own linguistic presuppositions and ensured that his perceptual model is not stated as an external absolute. However, the sentence still contains a misleading metaphor, as it is unclear how one band can be truly “spliced” with another without the use of a well-equipped laboratory). I strongly believe that this band is PURE ROCK AND ROLL, uncut (it is to be noted that the subject has by now appealed to God and compared the stimulus – Lightning Bolt – to the experience of drugs. Also note the first of many uses of capitals for emphasis, which again does not make the statement any more true, if such a thing as “truth” exists). I feel that this is the real thing right here, although I’m not saying that everything else is unreal by extension, and I’m only using my own standards of “real” when applied to the what I believe to be the powerful impact of the music that I remember hearing (the subject – Seth – is confused as to the nature of reality, perception and memory, tying himself in linguistic knots). Imagine dancing until you go ecstatic and vomit, which I personally think is a positive experience, although I can see how it’s possible that you might not, so please imagine something equally energising and visceral, although you may not have any reference point in order to know whether you actually are imagining something as energising and visceral as the dancing and vomiting that I am imagining (the subject has become aware of his own impoverished understanding of Ericksonian hypnotic command. A more advanced tactic would be to use the non-specific structure, ie: “Imagine something energised and visceral,” by which the reader can map his or her preferred energised and visceral experience into the text). Imagine taking a sledgehammer to EVERYTHING, although I understand this is not possible due to spatial and temporal constraints and therefore impossible to imagine even if you share my understanding of time and space being one pre-existing structure, a theory based on intuition and subjective spiritual experience (the subject realises that his original hyperbole is not only completely unjustifiable but also rationally inexplicable). Imagine the creation of the UNIVERSE (this is at least within the sphere of scientific remit, although it again contains a the aforementioned capitalisation. It is also of note that the subject – Seth – has chosen to juxtapose this sentence with the one preceding, and therefore seems to be saying that his subjective experience of Lightning Bolt is akin to inexplicably destroying the space-time with a tool suited to the highly localised demolition of comparatively weak stonemasonry, and then experiencing the inexplicable rebirth of said space-time continuum, although whether there is indeed a link between these sentences is purely a matter of my own subjective response as reader).
This record reminds me of exactly what’s possible in life (the removal of the universal quantifier instead in favour of the explicitly stating the personal experience). You may want to read about them in the new Loose Lips, download or buy the album, but whatever you do, take my humble suggestions and please don’t play their music unless you’re in a position to turn it up (note the lack of referential index. Turned up compared to what?) You may enhance your listening pleasure by cranking it. No half measures (it is unclear whether the subject – Seth – is referring to his own standard of “half-measures” or allowing for the reader’s own interpretation of exactly what “half-measures” may constitute). Please play this excellent album AS LOUD AS YOU CAN, just beyond what you think you’re capable of tolerating (at least here there is some acknowledgement of the reader’s own parameters for enjoyable experience. However, it is unclear as to whether the ludicrously capitalised “AS LOUD AS YOU CAN” refers to the constraints of the audio equipment – which may still be unable to deliver the subject’s standard of what is an enjoyable volume – or as the sentence then states, slightly louder than you believe you can tolerate. This may confuse some readers).
If you don’t like this record then I don’t like you (sadly, this unreasonable and hate-filled comment is in perfect E-Prime, although one might reasonably ask, “How specifically does me not liking Wonderful Rainbow by Lightning Bolt mean that you will dislike me?”). I believe that it’s that simple, one of the few workable dualities (the subject – Seth – believes, probably erroneously, there are some workable dualities, and overtly states what was previously implicit: that the individual’s response to the stimulus – Lightning Bolt – is meaningless when compared against the absolutely true external reference which defines the ultimate worth of said stimulus). I think that you’re in or you’re out (impoverished dualistic mindset with no referential index. “In” or “out” of what?). I believe you’re either cool or I believe you don’t deserve anything good in your life and I hope you die miserably (note that as well as the personal projected onto the universal, and as well as the mindless dualism, that dying miserably cannot in any way be described as a literal binary opposite to being “cool”). I believe that your opinions on this band will decide whether you receive Everlasting Bliss in your Perfect Heaven or Eternal Damnation in a Mediocre Hell (the dualism reaches its cosmological zenith, becoming a fundamentalist, unjustifiable and hopelessly simplistic Universe in Opposites. While translating himself into E-Prime the subject has done nothing to counter his own impoverished assumptions and flawed presuppositions in his world model). I think that it is worth taking a moment to choose wisely (the subject is either deranged and dangerous, or perhaps simply overstating his love of music with a great deal of enthusiasm).
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