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Are cats better than dogs ? Y'know, as a member of the household ?

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07:08 / 22.05.04

it's fashionable these days to admire the cat's immplicit amorality, but when push comes to shove, who's it going to be that rescues the partner and kids from the fire in the kitchen ? Not Tiddles. Rover. Tiddles thinks you're a mug, and always has done, whereas Rover will be there with you right till the end, like Greyfriar's Bobby... Actually, I wish i'd never brought that up, always leaves a lump in the throat...

Anyway, balls to cats, is all I'm saying.

I've got nothing against them, the fuckers, but at the same time, how can you trust them ? The silly bastards ?

But this, pretty clearly, is open to discussion.

Cats ? Dogs ? If somebody held a gun to your head, whose side are you on ?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:02 / 22.05.04

I don't think I'm gonna be surprising anyone when I say dogs every time.

Again, like you, I have nothing against cats... hell, they can be pretty fucking rocking. But I DON'T TRUST THEM.

I remember many years ago living in a shared house where one of the cats became my arch-nemesis- every day was a battle in the neverending war to make each other look foolish. (In the end, the cat won... damn near got me to accidentally lock myself in the shed. I shit you not...) I can't say we were really friends, but I respected that cat more than most human beings.

Whereas dogs... I always get on with them (I usually get on with most animals, but dogs tend to like me the most), and I trust them more than any cat. Or human, for that matter. Truly, a dog is a man's best friend. The kind of best friend who looks after you after your more dangerous mates (or cats, if you prefer) have taken you out for an ill-advised post-being-dumped bender.

(Actually, now I come to think of it, two of the other cats- only kittens they were at the time, and very cute- that lived in that same house managed to sit on the video in such a way that they recorded over one of my Twin Peaks tapes. With "The Animals of Farthing Wood". And I swear to God, when I came home that day they were sat on the sofa watching it. While they taped it. Grrr.)

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

08:31 / 22.05.04

Cats = kicking your ass!

08:45 / 22.05.04

Well exactly. And I bet they were smiling while they did that too. Those cute icckle kittens - behind every poster shot for the latest Whiskas packet lurks the mind of a rattlesnake. I mean say what you like about rats, man, but at least you know where they're coming from.

So the lav, I guess, but AT LEAST YOUR RAT IS BASICALLY HONEST.

Wheras with cats it can get personal. It can GET DOUBLE PERSONAL.

On the plus side though, you don't have to take them out for a walk.

Our Lady Has Left the Building

09:58 / 22.05.04

Cats are ninjas, dogs are just fucking stupid. A dog is going to rescue your family from a fire? Don't be stupid, he'll be too busy trying to lick his fire-damaged testicles. Meanwhile the cat will have dialled 999 and organised the fire brigade to put out the fire, te ambulance in case any of your family need treatment for smoke insulation and the police to arrest whichever fucker set fire to your house in the first place.

Cats rock.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

10:05 / 22.05.04

Also; cats give the most attention to the people who are indifferent to it/don't really like them. Apparently it's because a cat responds to that kind of body language (I think it's in the eyes, mostly. Squinty eyes!) as meaning "love".

Ha, you are so fucked!

An example: this is why my cat is always bugging my dad. It is funny.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

10:24 / 22.05.04

Planning.

ALL ABOUT KICKING YOUR ASS! RUN AT THEM!

11:13 / 22.05.04

Cats are ninjas, dogs are just fucking stupid.

Very, very true. If it balanced out so that dogs were pirates, I'd be a lot more impressed. But a dog wouldn't know its way around a poop deck and a bottle of rum even if you gave it a map. But cats can ninj like bastards. Always land on their feet, y'know...

many years ago living in a shared house where one of the cats became my arch-nemesis- every day was a battle in the neverending war to make each other look foolish. (In the end, the cat won...

Let that be a lesson. The cat will always win, my friend.

And as for the house fire thing - even though none of you seem prepared to trust them, remember that cats have more honour than you (ninjas, see?) and trust and respect you enough to NOT SET FIRE TO YOUR OWN KITCHEN. Why would a cat want to rescue someone who can't even manage something as simple as not setting fire to a room? In their (cold, yellow) eyes, you must be pretty useless.

Cats are great, but you've got to put the effort in to keep up with them. Dogs are hardly discerning - love from a dog means nothing. If a cat loves you, you know you've earned it.

Whisky Priestess

12:02 / 22.05.04

Despite the fact that our cat is both good cop and bad cop, snuzzling up to you then taking out a chunk with vicious claws if you stroke her wrong, and loves to eat her food on the stairs and drop it on the carpet, I would still choose cats over dogs (despite having grown up with dogs, sort of) because
a) our house cat is not really a perfect or representative example of the species
b) of the four dogs I have known intimately (all my grandparents'), one has been tolerable and well-behaved (ex-Army trained dog, is why) and three have been annoying little twarts. It probably didn't help that my grandparents coddled and indulged them like God's own challenged children.

TIMMY was, as a puppy, cute. When he grew up he liked to chew shoes, eat socks, drool on your feet and BARKBARKBARKBARKBARK! Fucker.

MAISIE was otherwise inoffensive. Except that she liked to BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!! And as she and Timmy were cohabitees, when one BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKed it would instantly set the other off. Bye bye quiet TV watching, hello migraine ...

BELLA, bought to replace the above two, should be renamed stupID, because she has no self-control whatsoever. Forever leaping up at you alarmingly, and, yes BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKing (higher pitched thus more annoying), I only really began to hate her when I unwisely left my bag on the chair when I went out. Dogs shouldn't go on chairs, right? Bella smelt the recently purchased cheese at the bottom of my bag, dug everything out of the bag to get at it, and ate it all (including the plastic bags it came in), plus five veg sausages and two bread rolls. Greedy little fucker.

My Nan nearly had a heart attack when I said the dog had eaten five pounds of cheese - I meant the price, but I spent a mean thirty seconds wishing the bloody animal *had* ingested a couple of kilos and would subsequently explode like furry fondue on the lawn.

So, cats then, for preference.

13:03 / 22.05.04

Cats own your ass. Own. It. Once they move in, you may as well sign the house over to them. They'll scratch, hiss and piss on you and then watch as you feed them. They make you feed them even after they've treated you like shit. Why?
Because they can.

Yippy little fucking dogs cannot be tolerated.
If it's gonna be a dog, it's gotta be big. Labrador or above. Big, stupid, loveable. Doesn't bark unless the doorbell goes or little fuckers from the council estate down the road are hanging around outside your gate.

D Terminator XXXIII

14:00 / 22.05.04

Hel-lo?

Do I live in a different timestream/dimension/world from the rest of you H8RZ?

Dogs are intelligent - it's the stupid people who dumb them down (secret meaning: if you infer that dogs are stupid,.,.).

I have had many dogs over the years, and cared for someone elses cats for an odd number of years. Therefore, I can objectively say that dogs rOOl !!!

Vruff!

D Terminator XXXIII

14:02 / 22.05.04

(and in that movie, which is a truthful representation, yeah?, the dogs kicked the sorry, pimply cat asses - I rest my case)

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

14:40 / 22.05.04

Dogs = America
Cats = the rest of the world

OOooOOOoooOOOO! Controversial!

15:43 / 22.05.04

I think that's a bit harsh, but then again, who would you really want on your side in a fight ?

15:58 / 22.05.04

Stupid people like dogs 'cos they can relate to each other as equals.

Stupid people think dogs are cleverer than cats because they can't understand a cat's intellegence. It all goes over their heads.

'Canine beautician' is an oxymoron.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

16:49 / 22.05.04

19:26 / 22.05.04

Bah. Dogs possess a combination of excessive emotional involvement and lack of intelligence which just sets everyone involved up for a serious disappointment. Cats expect nothing from you- they demand things from you, but if you don't provide it, they're not hurt, just irritated. Dogs. Dogs think their humans are gods, and so when you disappoint them, it's just betrayal on every level to them. I can't live with that sort of responsibility.

Sides, my cats are darling, and far less slobbery than any dog. And they smell better.

21:20 / 22.05.04

I don't dislike dogs, I just disapprove of their lifestyle choices.

21:24 / 22.05.04

My dog has stopped burglars..my cats never done anything even remotly heroic.
Dogs are much better.

23:30 / 22.05.04

I spent an hour or two on the Crags this afternoon in the sun and had great fun watching two dogs chasing each other, generally messing about and ignoring their owners. Dogs understand that making a big mess, splashing in ponds and larking about is worthwhile. Can you imagine cats being so uninhibited? No. Dogs rule. and drool....

Our Lady Has Left the Building

07:16 / 23.05.04

Fact: Dogs are The Bill.
Cats are The Sopranos.

Dogs are Starfleet.
Cats are the Marquis (ignoring the half of them that seem to be dribbling loonies).

Dogs are Chuck Austen.
Cats are Grant Morrison.

Cats are The Dark Knight Returns.
Dogs are The Dark Knight Returns II.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

07:26 / 23.05.04

Ah, but cats have all the honesty of Micah Wright.

If a dog told you it'd been in the rangers, you'd know it wasn't shitting you.

D Terminator XXXIII

11:44 / 23.05.04

You know, Lady, for someone who has such a female canine name, I'd half-expected you to side with us, the winners.

But you are spot on. Austen and DK2 are much better than their feline equivalents...

Thanks for your perceptiveness,

Petsi.

VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering

12:31 / 23.05.04

Cats are easier to throw out the window.

Probably land on their feet too, little bastards.

16:24 / 23.05.04

Reminds me of the old gag about the only way to make a perpetual motion machine: Tie a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and drop it.

17:01 / 23.05.04

cats are great if you want an easy life.
dogs require walking, and therefore are not suited to lazy couch hugging agorophobes who smoke too much weed.

like my mate gaz.

i heard that if you look over the head of a cat, using the ears like they were the sight of a rifle, you can see into the invisible world that only they are privvy to.

i have SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE.
dave 'i look like i live in a cave' carnie said so.
he's got a great beard, and a famous cat.
and he's not always high.
its TOTALLY TRUE.

22:23 / 23.05.04

i heard that if you look over the head of a cat, using the ears like they were the sight of a rifle, you can see into the invisible world that only they are privvy to.

That might well be the best thing I've heard this week...

20:48 / 26.05.04

if you tell a dog to piss off so you can read or work or do something other than constantly pay attention to them, they'll look at you all dejected like their entire world just collapsed. And then they'll jump on you again in a minute when they've forgotten.

Cats will just piss on your luggage. But at least they're quiet most of the time.

11:46 / 27.05.04

I ought to hate cats, on account of them being exactly like hippies: you can't trust 'em. Like hippies, they hang around, eat your food and sleep on your furniture during the day, but at the first sign of trouble they're off like a fucking rocket. Like hippies, they affect the look and manners of the harmless dosser, but they all come from posh families - the big cats who got to the top of the food chain by ripping throats and eating their own young. Yes, underneath that mellow, fuzzy exterior lies the cold, ruthless heart of a capitalist.

But fuck it, cats look nice and they don't stink of fox poo, so 'hoorah for cats', I say!

Dogs are okay, but I find them a but cumbersome and difficult to manouvre; they're too rectangular, they look like they should move at right angles with those awkward, rigid legs they have. I'd feel if I had a dog in the house that I'd have to install turntables all over the place, or some sort of overhead track system for them to get about with (think curtain rails), otherwise they'd be forever bumping into stuff and knocking bits out of the walls. They'd certainly need one of those beeper things that lorries have to tell you when they're reversing. Nah, too much hassle. Maybe if I lived in an enormous warehouse, or on a race track, where they could be trained to stick to a fixed path and move in one direction only...

12:55 / 27.05.04

I’m suspicious of people who say they prefer cats, especially those who are obsessive and put pictures up all over their walls. I lodged with such a couple once, and I felt there was something very self-debasing about practically worshipping an animal which would barely give you the time of day. It seems perhaps like they’re trying to claim some of the cats’ characteristics, like dignity and independence and so on, for their own i.e. “I prefer the more classy animal” equates to “I am more classy”. There’s something aspirational about it.

Cats are great, but you've got to put the effort in to keep up with them. Dogs are hardly discerning - love from a dog means nothing. If a cat loves you, you know you've earned it.

Dogs are like Jesus. They love everyone unconditionally.

[which clearly makes cats Satan]

Seriously, though. Why be so suspicious of a dog’s affections? Would you take the same attitude to a person who immediately likes everyone they meet, or would you just think that they love people? Does being initially cold and unreceptive prove depth of feeling? Sounds like goth talk to me.

Tryphena Absent

13:15 / 27.05.04

I am now going to confess the lame truth to you... I'm terrified of dogs. I'm absolutely certain that every single dog ever wants to tear a chunk out of my leg despite the fact that I've never been bitten by one. I think that in a past life a pack of dogs may have devoured me and everytime I'm walking down a street with my boyfriend and I hear a dog bark I hide behind him. They are conniving, evil, aggressive morons and they just want to cause you pain, reject the dogs.

Give me a cat any day.

13:34 / 27.05.04

In my experience even the biggest slathering monster of a dog can be persuaded you are a friend if you talk to it nicely and act like you've known it all its life. Tell me the same works for cats and I'll be won over. No? Oh, well.

13:39 / 27.05.04

Actually a disproportionate number of my nightmares have involved being attacked by dogs, which is strange, because I normally like them. They occasionally make me a little nervous, but nothing more.

"Conniving, evil, aggressive morons" is a wonderful phrase.

14:00 / 27.05.04

Yeah, I take your point entirely Anna, I had a job as a milkman for a while, and while it's definitely not true about the bored, lonely housewives, or at least it wasn't on my round anyway, you do tend to pick up a not entirely irrational loathing for man's best friend doing that sort of thing, when he's lying in wait for you every bastard morning, apparently doing his level best to rip out your throat.

On the plus side though, I have actually been bitten by a dog, and it's not so bad. It happened on holiday in Guatemala a couple of years ago, I was walking down the street just minding my own business when this stray mangey cur appeared round the corner and took a bite out my leg. Under the circumstances, it seemed like a good idea to get rabies shots, which aren't all that funny, twice in the stomach every day for a fortnight, but then again, on the other hand, this happened right at the end of my holiday - In this situation, I couldn't really be expected to fly back for work, now could I, I mean no one's going to argue with that as an excuse, so as a result I got two extra weeks of annual leave that year, with only the mild discomfort of the shots as a negative - They do tend to hurt at the time of course, but I found that if you have a beer immediately afterwards, the pain tends to dissipate fairly quickly.

All of which is saying, in fairly roundabout way, that none of this would have happened if I'd been bitten by a cat.

14:32 / 27.05.04

Yeah I was kinda the same as Anna I thought all dogs (or at unknown dogs) were all out to get me and I often had nightmares being chased by them but the fear and the dreams stopped after I was attacked by one, jumped up and hooked onto my arm and took a bit of it when it let go - I knew the owner and they were shit scared that I was going to demand that the dog was put down.

There's a cat that's always hanging about outside our new place that keeps scarying the shit out of me everytime I go out for a smoke, I think its the sound of claws running over the wooden decking that gets me everytime.

When I was 11 there was a dog that visited the park oppisite my house everyday, I used to spend all day with him, then one day he never came back - sad and true

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