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" I Can't Really Sit Here And Listen To This. "

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40%

13:11 / 21.05.04

But the point is that it refers to something tangible, and is a fairly accurate description of that tangible thing.
I'm not even sure it qualifies as jargon, given that it couldn't be put in much simpler language.

Alex's Grandma

13:46 / 21.05.04

Corporate Wank Bingo

Sorry guys, but it's come to the attention of the board that the team over at CWB is way ahead of us on this one. We need to get back on track here, or PRP may be adversely affected. So let's rev ourselves up guys ! Come on, you can do it !

Loomis

13:55 / 21.05.04

The one that really gets my goat and drags it screaming over the cliff of decency is using action as a verb. The water cooler in a place I once worked had a sticker on it saying that if you were having problems with the system you should "action a service call".

Topper

15:21 / 02.06.04

This entire thread is a pain point. First we should knock out the low-hanging fruit and then we can address the complaints soup to nuts.

How did that memo go out? It was sent by accident. Bullshit mon passive voice user, YOU SENT IT.

The absolute worst, though, is corporate team-building exercises. Just keep the checks coming, all right? I'm not going to sing songs while blindfolded in a public park surrounded by a hand-held comfort circle. I'll keep showing up and you just keep the checks coming, all right?

.

17:19 / 02.06.04

'Brainstorming', when there is nothing stormy about the process or brainy about the result.

Alex's Grandma

21:14 / 02.06.04

Well exactly, Ex, it's a lot more to do with the slow soft descent of the pink-ish mist, which gets steadily redder as the meeting goes on.

No star here laces

01:20 / 03.06.04

It's the mismatch between language and reality that gets me, i.e.:

Relevant to the consumer = "tedious and bland"
Action points = "stuff nobody will do anything about"
Innovation = "spouting cliches"
Objective research = "supports my views"
Due diligence = "covering my ass"

trixr4kids

14:55 / 03.06.04

policy driven ,mobility management of the company IT infrustructure......

bjacques

15:15 / 03.06.04

Whenever I hear the word "synergy" I don't reach for my pistol but instead ask innocently if that's like alcohol and downers being much more than twice as deadly as either by itself.

pomegranate

18:08 / 03.06.04

i don't have to hear this much in my line of work, but i really hate the word "signage." why don't you just say "signs?" huh, huh? why don't ya?

Ethan Hawke

19:11 / 03.06.04

Business Writing 101.

40%

20:49 / 03.06.04

Phrases like 'x'-focused or 'x'-oriented piss me off, mainly because it's usually a pretence. They're not really focused on that thing or oriented towards it at all.

A lot of office jargon sticks in the throat because it's basically dishonest.

Brigade du jour

04:09 / 05.06.04

Sorry if somebody's mentioned this already, but what fucks me off is when people use the word 'action' as a verb.

That's just ... really stupid.

Dances with Gophers

19:32 / 07.06.04

My fully jargonized (with a hint of slang to add a touch of delicate irony) mission statement, and screensaver which frequently results in management shooting me dirty looks,is
'This year I will leverage the flexi-sphere in order to maximize the mong space and increase the productivity of slack'.
My pet hate is the abuse of the word Osmosis!

Linus Dunce

22:19 / 07.06.04

Today I was offered, or rather given, "ownership" of the most tedious data-entry crap that it has been my misfortune to encounter.

Ownership. Hahahahahaha! So, like, I can develop this system? No. My "ownership," it seems, involves me being the one that types in the nonsense into MS-Excel comments. And that's it. Because, apparently, "how else will we track what we've spent?"

Well, I guess I'm paid by the hour.

Baz Auckland

04:10 / 08.06.04

'This year I will leverage the flexi-sphere in order to maximize the mong space and increase the productivity of slack'.

My pet hate is the abuse of the word Osmosis!

...but it must be said that 'mong' is a really cool word...especially 'mong space'...

Linus Dunce

20:10 / 08.06.04

'Mong' isn't really cool though. It's a contraction of 'mongoloid', a word used to describe a person with Down's Syndrome.

Baz Auckland

03:08 / 09.06.04

...oh. I thought it was just a made-up word...

bjacques

07:53 / 09.06.04

"Customer relations management" is just good old-fashioned triage. Our steadiest and most free-spending customers get the red carpet treatment, such as free phone support. Average customers get average service. Marginal customers get ignored. Maybe it's always been this way, but now it's systematic and the company decides who the good customers are. And raise the bar (another detestable phrase, meaning speeding up the treadmill) as the corporate bottom line dictates.

ONLY NICE THINGS

08:22 / 09.06.04

Wow. "Sunset" as a verb. That's new.

Lord Morgue

08:30 / 09.06.04

I've always wondered exactly how one would go about "doing" lunch as opposed to, say, eating it.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:35 / 09.06.04

"Blue-skies thinking"? Suck my cock.

lentil

11:28 / 09.06.04

At a recent training day my otherwise quite pleasant departmental manager asked us to get into groups and do some 'thought-showering'. Presumably because it was early in the morning and we weren't ready for a full brainstorm just yet. Unfortunately I didn't have the courage to respond 'Actually, all I can manage right now is cognitive drizzle, is that OK?'

11:51 / 09.06.04

I've always wondered exactly how one would go about "doing" lunch as opposed to, say, eating it.

Who wouldn't rather do a footlong sub than eat one...

[/entendre threadrot]

Christoph_Chicken

12:37 / 09.06.04

This is what's written in nice, bright colours on the wall behind me....

S - is for Smile
P - is for Professionalism
A - is for Attitude
R - is for Responsability
K - is for Knowledge
L - is for Listening
E - is for Excellence

Please, help me.

No, that is how these people spell it.

I think it's time to print such a poster of my own. Can anyone come up with an amusing, work related acronym for "Heroin"?

pointless and uncalled for

12:44 / 09.06.04

add the following.

M = Misery
O = Obfuscation
T = Tawdry
I = Idiocy
O = Obtuse Policy
N = Negativity

12:57 / 09.06.04

Aaargh! You have reminded me of the idiotic hypnotic summary of group dynamics that is:

Storming, forming, norming, conforming and performing!

Don't ask me what it bloody means - it rhymes, what more do you want...

pointless and uncalled for

13:18 / 09.06.04

In a meeting today, someone referred to the HR Cadre and Training Cohorts.

Next week I'm going to hear about the Finance Posse and how they got right on up in the motherfucker. Nothing like that bunch of badass pivot table wielding pimps.

Christoph_Chicken

14:54 / 09.06.04

Storming, forming, norming, conforming and performing!

I shall translate...

Brainstorm (to condense ideas from a group of near strangers, poor furnishings, sugar paper and marker pens)

Form ideas into tangible sentences

normalise the ideas so that the group agrees on the subject

conform the ideas to whatever corporate schpeel is the tune of the day.

Perform like a monkey!

Dances with Gophers

14:55 / 09.06.04

'Mong' isn't really cool though. It's a contraction of 'mongoloid', a word used to describe a person with Down's Syndrome.
Don't think in this context it means that, it is a contraction of monging ie wasting time. But I apologise if you find it offensive.

Linus Dunce

18:57 / 09.06.04

I don't really find it offensive but some might. 'Monging' as a synonym for wasting time might be OK but is quite close to 'monging' for relaxing, i.e. not thinking of very much ...

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