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Life needed...

Psi-L is working in hell

09:39 / 11.05.04

Firstly...as i'm a newbie around here...hello all. Love your rainbow coloured world...will handle with care i promise.

So here's the crack....I've lived in London for seven years...have some lovely friends, but realised that I don't seem to do much anymore other than see them (mostly individually) or do my job/phd, both of which are very insular pursuits...so am thinking I need to go join a group activity of some sort which will enable me to meet new people...and not really being the team sorts type, and more the arsty/culture type (read - goes to the cinema a lot and reads a lot of books/comics) am a bit stuck as to what to do....

Anyone got any ideas or suggestions of good groups...or failing that places where i might find out about what's out there?

10:36 / 11.05.04

Swinging?

pointless and uncalled for

10:41 / 11.05.04

Seesawing

11:00 / 11.05.04

Join a reading group at your local library?

11:06 / 11.05.04

Join a fisting club and widen the circle of your friends.

Sorry ;0p

Ive just moved to Sheffield and was having similar problems, but I have found new peeps by joining the Social Forum up here - there is one in London - they seem to attract a wide spread of happy oddballs and you never know you might get something done...

11:07 / 11.05.04

is there anything you like to do? you gotta give us something to work with!

I've found recently that though I always sort of saw it as an old lady sport, I am utterly and completely in love with gardening.

a bunch of local friends are into belly dancing, knitting, kickboxing, volunteering for really cool local events (I keep SWEARING I'm going to start some or all of the above, but, yknow).

local charities are a good place to pour your time, and are usually quite useful in helping to find a good comfort zone as far as the amount of time/money/effort you're willing or able to give. for example, you might only be able to offer an hour of your time a month, or three nights every week. you might want to actually volunteer at your local shelter, or just help with some fundraising/donations collections at your own pace. you can also pick from a hell of a lot of causes, whatever you feel most passionate about - the homeless, battered women, puppies, community cleanup. you'll not only be doing something useful with your time and/or money, but also is emotionally rewarding, and possibly meeting new people who also care about your cause.

there's also extra classes - the bullshit kind that are just for fun.

Psi-L is working in hell

11:30 / 11.05.04

Thanks people.

Glandmaster.....thanks for the link, that looks cool, will have a look....and i tried my local fisting club, but they didn't have an opening for me.

bitchiekitte - completely with you on the gardening thing...have just completely re-done my small back garden and am loving spending time adding things etc...but doesn't really count as the group activity i was looking for....unless perhaps i started the Barb garden club...b.y.o spade and gloves?

I know i've not given much for you to work with....was very into dancing at uni, but not done it for ages....then was in relationship for four years which kind of became my hobby....sad really. But now free and single, and feeling like a little bit of a lifechange, what i really want is just to meet some new people to hang out with but i kind of figured the easiest way of doing this is to go do some sort of collective activity....i'm quite a shy person so i need to make sure i find something i really want to do to make the meeting new people bit easier!

And Ganesh....you did mean the kind of swings that sit in the park right?

11:39 / 11.05.04

Volunteering is a always a rewarding activity. Go to Do-It.co.uk and runa search to find your local volunteer bureau. They're always looking for people.

Aside: Does anyone else find the combination of a jumping man next to a large 'Do-It!' slogan a bit...odd?

Psi-L is working in hell

11:54 / 11.05.04

I think I'm more concerned by the photo of the woman on one of the sub-pages who looks like she's only got one leg, and is potentially having some kind of fit....how able she'd be to volunteer for anything is anyone's guess. great site though thanks....am not sure elderly carer is exactly what i had in mind...though i guess i could learn bridge and knitting?

14:07 / 11.05.04

There's always Barbelith meets to go to for meeting people!

There's also the Meetup website - Loads of random things that people have in common and meet up about. Being in large cities like London mean that there are loads of these kind of meets happening all the time. Other online communities (such as LiveJournal, for example) probably also have regular meets, which could be good for meeting people.

If you're a writer or creative type, you could join a writing group like Zokutou. When I was a member, we never did much writing, but it was fun. If you can wait until next November, there's always Nanowrimo, where you attempt to write a novel in a month. They tend to have quite a lot of meets, probably to procrastinate from actually writing.

If writing and online communities aren't your thing, maybe you could do a course at your local college? Most courses tend to start in September, although again, in large cities, I expect there are lots more to choose from. A lot of people do the courses for fun, so you can find one where there is no pressure. You mention that you liked the cinema - some cinemas have courses and that kind of thing, that you could maybe go to.

Psi-L is working in hell

14:32 / 11.05.04

Thanks Squirmelia...those sites are great...i feel like i may have been living in a different city all this time...had no idea there was so much going on!

Now just have to get over the more difficult bit of not turning up to these things and standing in a corner with a frightened expression on my face and nothing to say (which incidentally i'd be like if i turned up to a Barbelith meet methinks...everyone on here seems very open and friendly, but still all feels v intimidating for a newbie like me)

I'm thinking whilst I'm still at the University of London (which may be forever at the rate my phd is going at the moment) I might try and set up a cult fiction reading group....am currently looking into the logistics....anyone done this before and can offer ideas/help?

14:50 / 11.05.04

>may have been living in a different city all this time...had no idea there was so much going on!

I think there is lots going on, but you just have to know where to look. I've never lived in London, so I don't really know, but I always imagined that if I did live there, I'd probably go to the ICA lots, since they always seem to have random stuff on. Although if I actually lived in London, I'd probably just hang out where all the pigeons are and talk to them instead of people.

>(which incidentally i'd be like if i turned up to a Barbelith meet methinks...

Come along to the meet on Saturday anyway. It'll get you off that chair.

14:51 / 11.05.04

Go to your Students' Union and see about getting something set up. They usually provide a budget for clubs and societies, and help with booking rooms and the like (at least my uni does). Then use your SU photocopying allowance (if you have one) to make loads of copies of a snazzy poster you've knocked up (maybe ask in the Creation if someone wants to rack up experience and do it for you). Get them all over the walls and noticeboards in your uni's halls of residence and teaching buildings.

Note: If your SU is like mine, you need to find at least two other people to set things up (Chairperson, Secretary, Treasurer).

15:05 / 11.05.04

...actually, you could just go to your SU and see what kind of clubs and societies already exist that you could join. Silly of me not to have thought of it earlier.

Psi-L is working in hell

15:11 / 11.05.04

Good point! Well I've looked and there appears to be no such thing at UL....i'd forgotten about all the rules though, I did run a society at my college as an undergraduate, so you're probably right i'll need another couple of people....maybe it'll have to start off informally and see how much interest there is.

15:19 / 11.05.04

Not necessarily...if you approach the SU they might be able to help you find people who are willing to start something up. A couple of notices could work wonders in this department.

(And sweet Harry S. Truman your SU's got a lot of non-athletic clubs and societies! Puts my humble SU to shame, so it does...hang on...your SU's got a radio station???)

Lilly Nowhere Late

15:38 / 11.05.04

Just a gentle reminder that one cannot be a part of the ICA unless one has a beard. Regardless of gender.

Go to the Barbelith drinks things. I have managed it.

Psi-L is working in hell

20:05 / 11.05.04

True...will stop shaving....may have to invest in a pair of thick black rimmed glasses too :-)

Ok so I will try and make it to a Barbelith meet...but am actually away at the seaside this weekend, so have a convenient excuse not to have to scare myself trying....how often are they?

And Grey Area....I didn't know we had a radio station either....but will follow your suggestion....may put some notices up in the English dept.. . and see what happens

foot long subbacultcha

07:40 / 12.05.04

Love the ICA, but I'm not sure how going there will help you meet people..

07:58 / 12.05.04

Oh, darn - I just sent you a PM encouraging you to come on Saturday, and now I read that you can't. Ah well - next time!

08:07 / 12.05.04

ICA was more of a suggestion of something to do as opposed to somewhere to meet people. Or maybe you could hide in an art vending machine and speak to anyone that comes near?

Growing facial hair can help, especially a handlebar moustache, if you can manage one? If so, you could then join the London-based Handlebar Club.

Psi-L is working in hell

08:41 / 12.05.04

The handlebar moustache has definite possibility...though am not sure i could cope with the almost certain ridicule i'd get from my students....

Think I may have been a little too sarcastic in saying I do nothing....I do actually do quite a lot (cinema, theatre, galleries, walks) just most of it is on my own or with close friends.....which is why I'm keen to find a new thing that will introduce me to a new group of people as I miss having a group to go out with and do fun things with around town...slowly over the years the group of people i used to go drinking with, or hang out with have moved away or fallen out, got married etc etc, and i suddenly realised its absence in my life....

08:48 / 12.05.04

Go dancing!

foot long subbacultcha

11:13 / 12.05.04

Which university in london are you at? The University of London Union is a good live venue. Keep your eye out for what's on and go with someone. Again, not sure how good that is for meeting people. But then I'd say that for pretty much anything, to be honest

Psi-L is working in hell

11:35 / 12.05.04

Am right next door to ULU Scoobyjah, at UCL....agree with you its a great live venue...I don't go enough...well I use the lovely pool they have there...but i figure if i try making new friends whilst doing that I'll likely get arrested :-)

I kind of gave up on a lot of the student activities whilst trying to be a grown up postgrad, and having other various jobs on top...its not like being an undergrad, more's the pity...

11:43 / 12.05.04

Just because you're a PhD student doesn't mean you can't join in. In fact, I found a lot of undergrads appreciated knowing that the postgrads were still human...mainly because it provides them with a link to the rest of the teaching staff who can be very insular.

Psi-L is working in hell

11:49 / 12.05.04

Completely agree with you, its more due to lack of time...than lack of intention.

In addition to my 'fulltime' phd, I actually work three days a week on other things, leaving me the grand total of two or three days left for my own research..and that includes working on saturdays...which as i'm finding is not so much!

foot long subbacultcha

12:02 / 12.05.04

I'll have to keep my eye out for barb-meets. I still haven't been to one either so we could both turn up as newbies. The challenge for me is finding places to crash because I don't live in London.

You're close to my favourite areas of the city. Take a walk into Camden. Lots of nice places. Here's a little sneak I recommend for you. There's a tiny place in Chalk Farm called the Marathon Kebab, and even if you don't like it afterwards the first time you go in there is.. interesting. Entry is free, and it's open late. Try walking in there after midnight on a Friday and do a quick sweep of the place. See if something happens (by the way, I'm not descrining anything sordid. Just an atmosphere I haven't seen in many other places).

Camden in general is a fun place to explore, even on your own (a little less safe at night - but I've never had any problems). There's a great pub called Quinns that serves Belgian beers, and the Barfly can sometimes be fun for young andless-young alike.

Psi-L is working in hell

12:13 / 12.05.04

Have been living in Camden for a good few years now and yes a weird and wonderful place...even feel benevolent towards the drunks surrounding the tube station these days!

Not been to that place in Chalk Farm though, my yoga classes are over that way ...should I be scared?!

And as for Barb-meets....perhaps we should set up a 'come meet the newbies one' am sure there are quite a lot of people who've not made one yet?

12:57 / 12.05.04

Fuck all that noise. Go dance!

foot long subbacultcha

13:21 / 12.05.04

No, the Marathon isn't scary. It's fun at least for the first time. The Enterprise is nearby. I quite like that pub.

Another cool place is the Dublin Castle, for watching smaller, more local music. It's down the road past the Odeon.

I also recommend the Spitz as a music venue, way over in Spitalfields closer to east-ish central London. I know some Lithers like that place but again, haven't met up with any of them.