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Someone stole my bloody tree.

19:13 / 09.05.04

Today whilst I was out, someone came and stole my Magnolia tree from right outside my house. I live in a dead end village in the middle of nowhere, there's hardly any 'through' traffic. The tree was about 5 feet tall, it was in a big pot about a metre wide and about half a metre deep, and it would have taken at least two people to carry it. They would have needed a van to take it away.

This means that it wasn't just opportunist crime, but totally premeditated. Some fucker drove past my house and thought, 'What a lovely tree in a lovely pot, I think I'll come back with a mate and a van and steal that."

Either that or they thought they'd get a few quid for it in a car boot sale.

Bastards.

My Mum bought it for me when it was just tiny and I've lavished care and attention on it for three years. It had eight flowers on it this year.

I am so upset, and so angry! What kind of horrible, low-life git steals a fucking tree?

19:38 / 09.05.04

Aw! That's terrible! Little bastards.

:::hugs:::

19:39 / 09.05.04

The evil bastards.

It’s all the rage, though, this 'countryside crime' malarky. The farm shop opposite where I used to work got ‘done’ in a very similar fashion. Four - that’s FOUR!! - huge great tubs full of plants just vanished in the night, not long after they opened. Really huge wooden planters, plants and soil and all, God knows how many fellas it took to move them. Actually, I laughed and laughed at the thought of that one, until I realised that the farm shop had in fact been funded by a ginormous grant, so I’d probably paid for those tubs in the first place. Therefore they were my tubs that these doubtless non-taxpaying crims had nicked, cue indignation, etc.

Still. You get the fun of growing a new tree - possibly one without a pot this time, planting a tree is always fun. And someone else will get to enjoy your old one, and I'm sure who buys it will appreciate it. And a couple of dodgy blokes with a van will get enough money to get drunk on. Really, there are worse crimes out there.

Er, which probably isn’t what you want to hear right now. Sorry.

19:45 / 09.05.04

I know, my sister said I have to think of it as only being a plant in a pot and at least it wasn't my dog. But still...

I would have minded less if it had been my TV, or the PS2 or even my car because they are all replaceable.

And anyway the dog is really upset now, lurking behind my chair looking mournful. I'm sure he feels like he's let me down by not barking enough or something.

I might cry.

19:55 / 09.05.04

Please don’t cry!

When I was growing up we used to plant a new tree every year, as a family, one each for my brothers and me. It was a big annual event, we had to dig our own holes and everything. When we left that house, the oak tree that I’d planted was getting quite tall, and even though I don’t see ‘my’ tree anymore I know that it’s still growing.

What I’m saying is, the tree’s not dead. Plant a new tree for your new house, one that stays behind.

20:08 / 09.05.04

No, the tree's not dead, but it isn't my fucking tree anymore is it, and I won't get to see it grow and lavish attention on it *sniffs* so it might as well be.

Very sad. Horrid people.

Bless you for planting a tree each year though, you should go back and see yours.

20:20 / 09.05.04

I’ve thought about it when I go back to the village, but I don’t think the people who live there now would be too chuffed. I look rather like a criminal myself these days, and it’s not a very convincing story somehow: ‘I planted a tree, and I want you to let me wander around your garden because I miss it’. However, once or twice I’ve thought about sneaking in: seeing as how I lived there for years, I know all about sneaking through that particular garden undetected by grown-ups.

Sorry though, I’m not helping at all here. I am commiserating with you, it does suck, they are evil evil people who did this.

unheimlich manoeuvre

23:45 / 09.05.04

fekkers i'm sorry to hear that olulabelle!

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

23:51 / 09.05.04

Country crime! I couldn't read the whole thread, but this is unrelated and conversational anyway - spinning from Bed Head...

Somebody I know, who lives in the "country", as it's known told me that at their local convenience store (Alldays, fact finders!) they used to have a cash point.

"Why do they no longer have one, I asked?"

BECAUSE IT GOT RAM RAIDED! I found this whole business thoroughly hilarious. But it's the country and that's ok because you can do stuff like that because they have their own laws and you better watch out. And it takes the police about 3 hours to get there out of the city. (Well, one ish. Or 30 mins.)

But still! That is why there is no longer a cash point in Alldays. It's funny, out there.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

23:55 / 09.05.04

I apologise for the fully haphazard nature of my previous post. I think I get excited thinking about people actually driving cars through shop windows, and giggle. I mean, when does that ever happen, right?

When I first saw this topic I thought "Drunkards!", but you're right - this seems fiendishly planned! And there's something very wrong about that. Go sneaking around gardens... Vigilante (garden!) justice (LIEFIELD STYLE!)

00:02 / 10.05.04

Don’t get me started on the subject of how utterly useless and lazy and totally corrupt the police are when you get out in the sticks. I've got anecdotes coming out of my ears. I mean, I’m no fan of city police, but I don’t loathe them with quite the same all-consuming passion I reserve for the rural copper. The only way I could hate them any more would be if they were the ones who nicked Olulabelle’s tree.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

00:09 / 10.05.04

I think you're on to something.

Country vigilante copper conspiracy garden justice, Liefield style, anyone? I've got a rake.

00:17 / 10.05.04

Could we seek justice and appease the Gods at the same time, by burning them alive in a giant wicker man? Much more fun than your Liefeld-style vigilante rake-bludgeon manoeuver. And, they might let us into Glastonbury if we pretend it’s some kind of ‘pagan art’ project. A pagan art project which just happens to involve burning alive as many fat, incompetent, tree-stealing coppers as we can round up between now and July. That’s round up, Liefeld-style, natch.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:22 / 10.05.04

That totally sucks ass.
Tree-nicking bastards.
If anyone offers to sell me a tree cheap down the pub, I'll break the fucker's legs for you.
Seriously, that's horrible.

Suedey! SHOT FOR MEAT!

00:24 / 10.05.04

You've been planning this for some time haven't you, BH? Now I understand your fondness for the Wicker Man. Fiendish.

Although, I'm not saying I don't like it! I'm not letting this rake go to waste, mind.

02:41 / 10.05.04

Yeah sorry to hear about that olulabelle, i know how you feel to have just lost a tree, i woke up a few weeks ago to find the council had cut my tree down and it was getting sawn up in a cutter outside! Apparently the woman in the flat's complained about it blocking her view or something.

I couldn't believe that i only found out when i got woke up to the noise of it being chopped up outside.

The B A S T A R D S.

I'm gonna make a point of planting some trees, it feels shit. I feel sorry for your dog aswell.

Don't worry though, get a new one it'll help i guess, at least you don't have a stump in your backgarden as a reminder.

(it's ok i'm not as at boiling point or as on fire as that smilie, but it made me feel better.)

This sounds crazy, i can't believe i just typed all this, it's bringing back bad memories..........my tree's in tree afterlife!

02:44 / 10.05.04

Hey really, it's a nightmare waking up and seeing your tree getting sawn up outside, i think i need trauma therapy.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

16:55 / 10.05.04

FUCKINGBASTAAAAARRRRDS!!!

Okay, olulabelle, I have Cunning Plan.

Some years back, when I was a lass, a hotel in the seaside town where I lived had a couple of potted conifers nicked from outside the door. They set up a wheeze with the local paper, saying that the trees were poisonous and that the theives risked permenant health damage from handling them. However, there was an antidote, and if the trees were brought back the antidote would be handed over, no questions asked.

The trees were duly returned, and the hotel charged the miscreants twenty quid for a couple of tubs of blue-dyed marge.

Criminals are a cowardly, superstitious lot.

Alternatively, you could write to the local paper and tell them about your tree, how much it meant to you, etc. Maybe someone'll report a suspicious 8-year-old magnolia that's suddenly appeared in a neighbour's garden...

18:38 / 10.05.04

Just out of interest, how much is a tree like that worth? I'm assuming they must be fairly expensive to be worth the risk? That's assuming they're planning to sell it. And if they're planning to put it in their garden then I imagine they must be coming from fairly far away so as not to be rumbled when you stroll past their house and spot it.

Which makes it even more fiendish if they've come from miles away just to nick your tree. Hmm, what is it about this tree ...

It's not a magic tree by any chance? Or the One Ruling Tree?

18:58 / 10.05.04

My parents, they own the house they live in, but they also own another, subdivided house that they rent out. The former carport is my father's office. It's in an area that's all rental properties.

Out front, there are two very large Royal Palms -- these are trees that are in the ground, and somewhere between 50 and 70 feet tall. Huge, old, established trees.

So a while back, Dad happens to be in his office (he works mainly out on the road, interviewing people) and notices this heavy truck pull up outside and this crew of dudes come out with digging equipment. And he goes up to them and says, "Whoah! What are you guys doing to these trees!" and the truck dudes go, "Dude, the owner sent us to take them away."
And then Dad goes, "Wait. I AM the owner."
And they kind of take off, in a puff of mystery.
Colossal treejackers, they were.

So it's not unheard of, and sometimes, the thieves can be really *brash*.

One of the other things that happens around here with ponds is koi-napping. Those fish can get really pricey.

Dire, rank villainy, to steal trees and fish!

19:17 / 10.05.04

I know olulabelle, it's hard losing a tree. Just like myself and the one that got cut down and chopped up outside my window in some fucking council shit machine, but don't lose faith in people!

I wouldn't steal one of your trees and i'm sure loads of other people here wouldn't either. Are you getting a new one?

19:28 / 10.05.04

Oh, that’s different Grant, that Koi-napping thing is like an urban bastardisation of good old-fashioned poaching. Everyone in the country does poaching, it’s traditional. I’ve gone poaching, ferchrissake. Right after I got my Advanced Scrumping certificate, as I recall. If some farmer is dumb enough to leave a pond full of trout just, like, lying around the place, it’s a sort of cultural statement to try nicking a few. Sticking it to the Man, yokel-style.

Although I remember my Countryside Alliance friend telling me how the *real* problem these days is ‘city-types’ bussing out for poaching on an organised, industrial scale. Which all sounded rather apocalyptic and terrifying, before he rambled off into the usual “...they don’t unnerstand the country ways, y’zee” mantra, at which point I was right back on familiar ground.

14:44 / 11.05.04

Very sorry to hear this. People who haven't raised a plant from babyhood, or who haven't dropped powerful acid, don't have any understanding of how emotionally attached it is possible to get to one. Let me know if you have space/soil for a redwood, I believe I still have a packet of seeds.

We're The Great Old Ones Now

14:51 / 11.05.04

Get a big, fuckoff cactus. Let's see the bastards nick that. Or a man-size Venus Flytrap...