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I bought a house december '02. or rather, my parents and I bought a house!
I was living in a tiny, kinda skeezy apartment with my daughter. but it was cheap, had what I needed, and it was in the general area I wanted to live in, near her school and friends and our family. my parents, who had never once offered to pay for or help with anything (college, car, piece of furniture, whatever it is that loving parents [which mine are] who can afford such things normally help their kids with), suddenly came up with the idea that I should buy a house. and furthermore, that they should assist me. I thought they were nuts, because I was barely scraping by with my uber cheap apartment, low utility expenses, and already-paid-off car.
I'm also by nature a bit of a nomad - sometimes I like to just take off on a whim. combined with the fact that I think of myself as extremely independent, the idea of chaining myself to a house for 20, 30 years - ON SOMEONE ELSE'S CASH! - was not a pleasant one.
I mean, what about the power dynamics inherent in living off of someone else's investment? what if I hate this place, my neighbors, having a house? what if the roof collapses or something, where the hell am I going to get the money to fix it?
with a kid though, you can't pull that running off shit, you need to provide stability. I figured, this might completely suck for me. but it just as likely might be the very, very best thing for her...and in any event, this an opportunity presented on a silver fucking platter that not everyone is so fucking lucky to get. so. how stupid did I have to be to turn it down?
the deal we made was that my parents put up all of the expenses associated with buying the house. they put in some remodeling money (labor is free, though, because my stepfather is a carpenter and my mom use to be an electrician), too, and they keep track of all money they put up. when I sold the house, they get their money back. they don't really benefit at all, except for maybe interest, which they haven't asked for.
in some ways, it's really excellent. except for an isolate event where my stepfather presumed it ok to pull out a thorny bush without consulting with me first and a nasty rumble ensued, they have done nothing to make me feel beholden to them (though I imagine many people in my situation would anyway, regardless of the parents behavior). my kid gets to live half a block from her grandparents, 4 blocks from her school, friends all around. I have a lovely yard and a few really nice neighbors. the area is safe and quiet and comfy.
in some ways, it's bad, I guess. the utilities are far pricier. I have to put my money into practical things, like insulation and flooring and yadayada, and when I finally have real money to spend, it will go into new cabinets and flooring and furnace instead of a vacation or something cool.
and I can't just pick up and go. but then again, with a kid, you can't anyway.
so what I'm saying is, seriously consider where your priorities lie. sure, you'll be putting your monthly living costs into YOUR place instead of someone elses, but how much do you value your ability to just pick up? change your mind, keep moving? how cool are your parents, REALLY? right or wrong, borrowing large sums can cause resentment and/or a sense of obligation, and lending it can cause resentment and/or a sense of entitlement. can you really afford it? not just the rent and utilities, but the effects of storms, the results of stupidly putting out too much salt during icy season and fucking up your sidewalk BAD (oops), all that jazz.
lots to consider. my advice, do the stuff you want to do now that you have all that freedom. when you're full up with good things, buy a house and discover yet another one. |
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