Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.

Surely we can do better than this?

Olulabelle

01:05 / 30.04.04

£2,000 for the best T-shirt slogan, and currently the entries are abysmal.

Come on, surely we can do better than this? And if we can I bet the Barbegirls will buy one. The rules say it's open to anyone, male or female.

Enter here.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

01:38 / 30.04.04

I tried. Really. I tried. I'm quite good at T-shirts, me.

But when I read the slogans that Impulse offer up as inspiration ("With this lipgloss I'm unstoppable!", "I'm a goddess in pink knickers!", and some tired shit about how men suck, I don't know, I'd poured petrol into my eyes at that point and was grasping for a match) I was plunged into a fit of horrible and intractable despair.

There's nothing for it now but to hide under the duvet and eat biscuits until dawn, when I will run screaming from my domicile to HUNT DOWN the FETID SUBCREATURES responsible for this drivelling pink-tinged DIRGE OF WANK and carve EVERY VACUOUS MORONIC WORD of their "inspirational" slogans into their faces with a Stanley knife dipped in crack-whore drool.

Still, thanks for the link.

Spatula Clarke

02:25 / 30.04.04

When I was about six years old, I had a Mr Men t-shirt that showed all the Mr Men on the front, along with a huge speech bubble containing the question "Do you like my Mr Men t-shirt?"

I don't care how hard you try, you'll never find a better slogan than that.

Mazarine

02:26 / 30.04.04

"My other body is a naked blue lady with six arms."

Nah, that's lame.

"Coming soon to a cargo cult near you" ?

Meh. I am the suck at this. I should not attempt slogans while this sleepy.

Mazarine

02:30 / 30.04.04

The hell with that, compared to most of these, I'm a fucking marketing god. These are idiotic. "Wot U Lookin @!!" ?! Who came up with these, a middle schooler sniffing glue?

Olulabelle

07:19 / 30.04.04

Well exactly. They're all vaccuous and appalling. It's Impulse for goodness sake, it's impossible for them not to suck.

My point is, therefore we're bound to win if someone comes up with one here.

Jack Vincennes

07:35 / 30.04.04

They're all vaccuous and appalling

Ah, clearly you haven't seen the majestic 'Help ! I've lost a shoe !' yet...

Grey Area

07:36 / 30.04.04

If you have accurate punctuation and grammar you're already miles ahead of 99.9% of the slogans on there. Then again, I'm stumped for an idea, so how about we start with listing some keywords that are associated with the brand (sorry, advertising degree is taking over higher functions)? Maybe that would get the ball rolling...

...now, if it actually was a roller-ball deodornt

Char Aina

09:22 / 30.04.04

stop! smell me!

how many fingers do i have to hold up?

i'm pulse.

warning:i smell good

hm.
easier thamn working, this sloganeering lark.

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:33 / 30.04.04

'FEMINIST BOYS DIG ME'

10:42 / 30.04.04

How deeply I want that one, Flyboy.
(Although I'd have to conduct a poll of some kind first. It might be misrepresentation.)

Baz Auckland

13:59 / 30.04.04

What thread was it that someone had a t-shirt with something along the lines of: "I'm not goth, I just like the girls"... 'cause that was a great slogan...

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:20 / 30.04.04

'I'm Not A Goth, I Just Dig The Women' was something I said which bengali in platforms claimed she was going to put on a t-shirt for me. No actual t-shirt exists to date though, so if anyone wants to steal the idea, consider it "intellectual freeware" - mmmmmmmmm, subversive!

Mazarine

14:40 / 30.04.04

Bah. There's not enough space on the shirt for any of my clever thoughts. Grr.

Morlock - groupie for hire

15:24 / 30.04.04

So....

HELP!Ican'texpressm
ymightythoughtsinth
efewwordsthatwillfi
tthispunychestspace

Whisky Priestess

15:33 / 30.04.04

Keeping on-message with the deodorant theme ...

"I Don't Sweat Much For A Fat Lass"

(only available in sizes 6-12)

Sax

20:36 / 01.05.04

Oh God, I can just see stick-thin girls wearing that in nightclubs. Ironically. Like horrid bitches. Bleurgh.

Enter it, quick. I can't think of one.

Oh, hang on, does Impulse still come in those thin cans?

"I can't help wanking with Impulse".

There.

Whisky Priestess

21:56 / 01.05.04

The comp has now closed. And, because I know you care ...

The unutterably tedious and, I can statistically predict, patently untrue "Sexy, sassy, sorted" won. Interestingly, a number of the 10 runners-up were either
a) misspelt or unpunctuated
("iwill ican ishall u knoit & iknoit" and
"cant touch this")*
b) plagiarised from five-quid t-shirts already available from any street market
"this bitch bites"

The others were just shit, although some attempted profundity "Truth is a lie" (no.9)

*Unless she was soliciting the ever-adorable Brian Cant, has-been children's entertainer. Which would at least be some sort of explanation.

Olulabelle

23:22 / 01.05.04

I am so sad that we didn't manage to up the intellectual/interesting content of the Impulse t-shirt competition. Also I was kind of keen to see what a Lither might buy with a free £2,000.

Pah. Call ourselves revolutionaries?

So, sigh. Some dullard won, and she'll probably dine out on the story for months.

"Actually, I won a slogan competition, you know. I might be a waffle waitress, but I'm a bit clever, you know.... You know..."

That's a joke BTW. Before anyone starts calling me an elitist snob.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

13:43 / 02.05.04

"Sexy, sassy, sorted"

Dear God.

If only my patience had been enough to put up with the slow-loading Flash screens... I'd have given it a go. Although there'd probably be swearing. I guess they probably wouldn't like swearing.

"Fuckin' 'ell! It's Impulse! Well, bugger me rigid..."

Add Your Reply