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Embarrassment

00:45 / 24.04.04

Just posted a moderation request and realised after I'd done it that I'd already posted a rambling, begging request for post moderation from the kindly mod gods of the 'Lith. So only they would know what a tit I am but I now share this with the greater 'Lith world.

I remember other embarrassing events of the past. Panting "blah blah blah Phil" when my boyfriend's name was Keith (at the time.)

When I got in to a stooshie in an Edinburgh chippie about the price of a white pudding supper, only to realise I'd asked for (and they were only, correctly, charging me for) a chicken supper.

When I'd only ever seen the word epitome in a book and went into a French tutorial at University and pronounced it "epitoam" and everybody laughed.

Returning from the toilet at a team event, eager young employees all agog for the next big idea, and I hadn't zipped up my fly and was going commando. Attractive, seductive commando but inapprorpriately so I suspect.

Many, many more embarrassments.

Hell will be perpetual embarrassment on account of my personality defects being publicly revealed.

00:54 / 24.04.04

funny, my daughter just asked me yesterday about the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me. after she assured me she would reveal the answer to none of her demonic friends (those tiny beasts are petrifying in their cruelty!) I told her. but I won't tell you here!

I don't think I'm very embarrassing, to others or to myself. I'm almost painfully polite, I at the very least pause before engaging in a tussle, I'm friendly, I usually know when and where to watch my mouth.

sometimes I get flustered and keep my mouth shut because I am intimidated by the smart folk around me - then I'm embarrassed that not only am I stoopid but also intimidated by people who are willing keep my company!

last night at the office happy hour, someone said something about getting my protein (via deep fried cheese! YARG!!!), and I explained that I had more fun methods of my own, which caused some serious sputtering of the doofus on my right - however, MY friends were amused, so I don't know if that sort of behavior counts.

00:55 / 24.04.04

although now that I think of it, I *AM* quite embarrassed of some my early barbelith behavior. however, I also feel like I learned from it a bit, so, yknow, not all bad.

01:00 / 24.04.04

In Edinburgh, funnily enough, I once got so drunk while watching a cricket match in the hot sun that I apparently ended up ripping up a flatmate's hat, stealing beer, running across the pitch and falling into an ambulance before the police got hold of me.

I only remember the ambulance bit, the sarcastic look on the doctor's face, and making my way home from the Infirmary via a newly-opened KFC. Don't ask me what I ordered.

01:09 / 24.04.04

Well, here I just spent a fair chunk of time turning broken images into links to images which still don't exist. Probably would've helped if I'd actually tried the urls out first.

In public, I am a notorious grocery store singer and dancer. It's kind of, you know. Conspicuous.

01:15 / 24.04.04

Ambulances remind me of the time when I'd been teaching CPR techniques all day and went out to the original Black Bull iff Leith Walk that night and my best friend collapsed and lay on the floor. I could feel no pulse and commenced CPR and called to the bar staff to phone an ambulance. Within seconds apparently dead woman came round and started burbling incohorent but obviously not-dead-yet nonsense. She had been subject to what we called in Edinburgh a "whitey" due to excessive prior consumnption of Hashish. We sat outside and had a fag and then jumped in a taxi before the ambulance arrived and we had to explain ourselves, particularly given our backgrounds in the Edinburgh psychiatric health care system. Shameful.

01:24 / 24.04.04

I've had that as well. Random drunk bloke falls over on that cobbled street coming up from the Cowgate near the Infirmary... christ, what's it called...

...anyway, he falls over, blood is coming from his ears. The logical thing to do is call for an ambulance, except that nobody has a mobile because it's before the days when they're omnipresent. But the bloody hospital's only half a mile away, right?

So I run over there and say "there's this guy who's hit his head, he's bleeding, I need an ambulance". And they tell me they can't do anything and I have to phone 999. So I have to go outside and call 999 from the bloody phone boxes just outside A&E.

And, of course, by the time I get back, the guy has got up and walked off. Git. If I call a fucking ambulance for you, you'd better stay fucking injured.

Not really embarrassing at all but I need to get these things out.

10:32 / 24.04.04

I am incredibly bad at dealing with embarrassment. I just don't have the skills to deal with it. I often say and do things that cause me intense embarrassment and then lie my arse off to cover myself.

It's not good.

11:05 / 24.04.04

I've got a good one for ya...

I'm quite comfortable with speaking in public. Hence I don't mind calling something out during a lecture if I think it needs to be said. I had one lecturer who was always reading excerpts from the core text and making fun of it (it was business strategy) and how waffly it was. At one point when he had made such a remark, I asked, with great sincerity, if it was so crap, why was it the core text. I think it was well done and at the right moment.

However, my judgement is not always so good. One time this same lecturer was making reference to the bestseller "Eats, shoots and leaves", and I can't for the life of me remember how it came up, but I decided to challenge the spelling of 'shoots'. He incredulously asked me how it ought to be spelt, to which I confidently replied 'C-H-U-T-E-S'.

Unphased, he continued in a similar manner, wondering why anyone would want to eat a parachute. Meanwhile I noticed a lot of my couresmates laughing. And it was genuine laughter as well, it wasn't like 'ha ha what a dick let's make fun of him', it was genuine laughter at the genuine stupidity of what I had just said. I kinda blush at the thought of it now, but at the time I think I was just puzzled. I was sitting there thinking 'what just happened? What got into me? Why in the name of buggery did I just say that?' To this day I still have no idea. It was just so ridiculous.

11:24 / 24.04.04

Speaking of speaking in public, I have the habit of talking out loud to myself with complete disregard for my surroundings. I use it as a way of organizing my thoughts, but unfortunately, it's become so habitual that I sometimes talk literally for minutes before realizing that I haven't just thought it, I've said it.

And regarding language, I remember an incident during my first years of learning english, where I confidantly read out to the class:"It was a warm, sunny day and Albert was lying on the bitch."
Unfortunate mispronunciation.

VonKobra,Scuttling&Slithering

13:16 / 24.04.04

I am really, really AWFUL.

You CANNOT and SHOULD NOT take me anywhere.

I've been dressed as a Russian Tank driver for 2 days, for example. I had a Spatchela and Rubber Gloves and went around to strangers and struck it on surfaces so that I could slowly raise it to their faces and let them witness the magic of the vibrating tone...

Also I tend to take my clothes off in Public. And sing. Sometimes though I'll just laugh uncontrollably at inappropriate things like deaths of friends, mass suicides, kidnappings etc

And I've kicked a door of its hinges, threatened the bloke inside, walked into his lounge and taken a shit in each corner of his room, and then fallen asleep in a pile of it.

I'm available for children's parties, by the way.

14:45 / 24.04.04

At a friend's wedding reception in lovely rural surroundings, I fell in the fountain. Twice. And someone took photos. It, uh, wasn't so good.

Incidentally, VK, have you killed that girl yet ? Or did you decide to let her live in the end ? Just because you could...

18:46 / 24.04.04

Remebered today the time when my bf (long pre Ganesh) and I decided to make a big collage of juicy porn pictures to decorate our drab bedroom in my first flat. Went off out to do something and left our half finished masterwork of men's turgid bits on the living room floor.

When we came back hours later we found a note from my folks saying that they had just popped in on spec but found we were out and would be in touch... The pornorama hasn't been mentioned from that day to this.

10:48 / 25.04.04

I got into a fist fight at my mother's third wedding.

11:02 / 25.04.04

With the groom? Not with your mother, surely.

11:08 / 25.04.04

She had it coming.

03:21 / 26.04.04

When showing off my pictures of Mexico to friends at school, I neglected to remember (or remove) the drunken nude photos that were taken one night... not the best things for some people to see really...